


Rise Again: Rise Season Two

by randomascas



Category: Rise (TV 2018), bare: A Pop Opera - Hartmere/Intrabartolo
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Multi, OC, Rise again
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2019-06-23 10:08:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15603984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomascas/pseuds/randomascas
Summary: Jeremy's parents are getting divorced. Simon's aren't talking. Lilette and Maashous are gone. But Stanton Drama hasn't taken it's last bow just yet, and Lou's production of Bare: a Pop Opera might just be what everyone needs to get through it all.





	1. Episode One: Faith is All But Killed

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm Cas, the author of this work, and I just want to do a few things:
> 
> First, a big thank you to Sage, who introduced me to Bare, and who let me steal the idea of a Bare/Rise crossover. You and your fun dip baby deserve the world. Also thanks to Maya, my fabulous editor and best friend who helped me so much with this! And cried with me when I cried.
> 
> Second, there are some triggers in this! There are eating disorders, gender dysphoria/misgendering issues, death, internalized homophobia, and the all important one this is about bare and it’s a sad show with self harm and suicide as well. So, please keep that in mind as you read.
> 
> Third, please please please follow me on tumblr @wizardwomenwisdom for updates on this fic! I'll be posting song releases, as well as understudies and main episode links. And feel free to send me any ideas or song requests! I’m also happy to let you know when certain triggers will appear in this fic if you message me on there (I may miss some so). Thank you!
> 
> Alright, enjoy the show!

“Will all members of Stanton’s troupe please meet in the auditorium after school today for a brief meeting?” Lou’s voice came over the intercom.

The troupe. Why did he want to meet? What was there to even talk about? They’d ended. That was it. There was no reason for a meeting.

But Simon would be there. He had to be there.

Jeremy’s phone buzzed his pocket. He sunk deeper into his seat and slipped it out to check.

**From: Michael**

**You going?**

He couldn’t text back, so he just kind of nodded to himself. He had to go now, didn’t he? He had to see what was up.

His leg bounced with anticipation as he waited feverishly for the bell. The clock seemed to slow down. His mind started roaming, as he tried to understand why they needed to meet. Was it the official announcement that they’d been disbanded for good? Or something else? Jeremy didn’t want to get his hopes up, but deep down he wished Mr. Mazzu was planning on announcing that it was a false alarm, that something like mathletes or girls’ bowling was getting shut down instead. He was setting himself up for disappointment, really, and he had acknowledged it multiple times as he waited for the final bell. But everytime he began to once again explore the “what-ifs”, feeding that little hope that was just in the edge of his consciousness.

It was the final bell that broke him from his daydreams. He was out of his seat before the bell stopped, and he headed straight for the auditorium. He didn’t even stop to grab his backpack or drop off his school stuff: his locker was in the other direction and he didn’t want to take the time to go to it.

Apparently, he wasn’t the only one.

By the time he got to the auditorium, Gwen, Jolene, Michael, and, surprisingly, Simon were all waiting in the seats to start the meeting. Their books were haphazardly thrown throughout the aisle.

“Hey, Jeremy!” Michael called to him.

Jeremy waved, and headed towards him. “Do you know what this is about?” He asked.

Michael shook his head. “No, I - put your stuff down, Jesus - have no idea what’s going on.”

“Oh,” Jeremy suddenly realized that Michael’s best friend - and girlfriend - Sasha was not present. “Hey, where’s Sasha?”

Michael’s face darkened. “Uh, she had… something, after scIt wasn’t until the end of the school day when the shocking announcement came. In his eighth period class, Jeremy Travers was bored out of his mind, so he took the crackling of the intercom as a welcomed break from the boring droning of Mr. Roman. But instead he was greeted by a voice he didn’t think he’d hear again until AP Lit his senior year.

“Please pardon this brief interruption,” Mr. Mazzu’s voice was sharp and so shocking to him, since it had been roughly two months since they’d last talked, the night Stanton Drama was disbanded. The night Simon broke off their friendship forever. The night Lilette announced she was leaving.

“Oh, okay.” There was more, and Jeremy knew it, but he stayed quiet. Something was up.

“Simon,” Michael addressed the other boy as they sat down behind him. He gave them a nod.

“Hey.” He was all alone, but since Lilette left, that was usually the case.

“Bio test yesterday was killer, huh?” Jeremy was trying to be nice, trying to start some small talk. He missed Simon.

Simon didn’t sound happy, but Jeremy didn’t think he was the reason why. “I guess.”

Before anyone else could speak, Mr. Mazzu crossed to centerstage. “Hey, everyone,” He began. A few more kids were rushing in, Annabelle included. She climbed over a few seats to sit next to them.

“Are we good to start?” No one answered, so he did. “Listen, you’re probably all here because of the school board shutting down Stanton Drama. And, yes, we’ve lost our funding.” He raised his hand, cutting off the non-existant rush of questions. “However, Tracey and I have managed to avoid the end. So, we are not shutting down. The school board has agreed to let us continue on, if we manage to fund ourselves, like the other clubs on campus.”

“So we’re, what, paying to be part of this program now?” Gwen snapped, from her spot a few rows in front of Jeremy. “I’m doing the all state show, Mr. Mazzu. I can’t afford to pay to be an understudy.”

“And I’ve got a short film going on right now,” Lexi added. “There’s no way I can be here for this show.”

“I get that some of you have other engagements,” Mr. Mazzu hastily explained. “But we’re not asking for your money. We had enough from ticket sales to finance the rights for the next show. We just need some help with fundraisers, though, if we want any set.”

Jolene raised her hand. “Um, what  _ is _ the next show?”

“We’re getting to that,” Miss Wolfe cut in. She glanced at Lou. “May I?” Once he gave her the nod, she continued. “We’re doing Bare.”

“Bare?” Jolene looked concerned. “Wait, which one?“

“The pop opera, not the musical,” Tracey assured them. “We’ll be holding auditions for it next week.”

“A week?” This was Jeremy, because he was wondering whether he could turn the song Bare into a Peter solo, or if he’d have to just sing Role of a Lifetime.

Tracey just nodded. “We found out this morning, and there are only have a few months until the end of the year. We need to get this started as soon as possible.”

“What should we audition with?” Robbie called.

“Do you even need to audition?” Jo pointed out. “You didn’t last time.”

“Jolene,” Tracey stated lazily. She didn’t sound like she was trying very hard to shut up the junior.

In turn, Mr. Mazzu answered Robbie’s question. “Bring at least 16 bars of a song. It should be from the show, but it doesn’t have to be if you really think it fits your character. And, the most challenging part, if you can.”

Role of a Lifetime it was then. It wasn’t a super difficult song, not for Jeremy. And it defined Peter perfectly, seeing as it was one of Peter’s songs. He could sing the whole song for the audition, if Miss Wolfe would let him. He hoped she would.

A couple more hands with questions went up, but he didn’t pay much attention. Instead, he focused on Simon. What if he got Jason? Everyone said that their onstage chemistry was incredible. And Simon had the voice, no doubt about it. But would Mr. Mazzu do that again after what happened?

Jeremy really hoped that it wouldn’t matter, that he’d get the role. Jeremy really hoped that Simon would be okay.

 

*****

 

“Sasha, please pick up,” Michael mumbled. The phone had been ringing longer than it normally did with his girlfriend. Girlfriend. Sasha was his girlfriend. His heart still did a little flip flop when he thought about it.

Finally, just before the voicemail started, she answered. “Hello?”

“Sasha.”

“Hi.” She sounded so hollow, and even though that was normal at this point, it was so much worse coming through the phone.

“You missed the meeting.” Silence. “I covered for you.” Silence. “Drama department’s back.”

“Cool.”

“Sasha, please.”

“What?”

Michael’s heart was breaking with every word. Maybe it was because they were so normal. Or maybe it was because this wasn’t. “Please come back.”

“Michael.”

“We’re doing a show you’d really like.”

“I can’t.”

“There’s a character who reminds me of you.”

“We’ve talked about this.”

“No we haven’t.” He couldn’t cry. Not with what had been happening to her. But she didn’t sound like herself anymore. She didn’t sound like his Sasha. “I’ve talked and you’ve remained completely and utterly silent. You just listen. Look, I get that this is hard for you, and that you’ve had a hard time these last few months, but you eventually have to come back and take on the world again.”

“It’s not that easy, Michael.”

“I know but-”

“Michael!”

“Just try!” His voice cracked. He was so close to tears, so close to breaking down with her on the other end of the line.

“I can’t!” It was as if all of the emotions she’d been lacking had been forced into that statement. Michael couldn’t deal with it.

“Whatever. Just… The musical’s Bare, the character’s Ivy. Auditions are next Tuesday.” He looked down at his feet. “If you change your mind.” He gulped. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Michael, wait-“

“Goodbye, Sasha.”

“...Goodbye, Sunshine.”

And then he hung up. And tears rolled down his cheeks.

 

*****

 

When Jolene got out to the parking lot, her girlfriend, Casey, was already waiting at Jo’s car.

“Hey, stranger!” Jo called. “I thought there wasn’t any loitering in the parking lot.”

“Yeah, well, my girlfriend has the keys and she’s in some stupid club meeting,” She replied sarcastically. That’s what Gwen said made them such a great couple: they were equally powerful in the skill of snark.

Jolene grinned, and broke into a run to get to the car. She practically tackled Casey in a hug.

“Whoa, shit!” Casey didn’t actually mind, but it was still surprising.

“Calm down and let me hug you,” Jo argued half-heartedly. If she thought for a second, though, that Casey didn’t feel comfortable, she’d let her go. She could tell that she wasn’t really uncomfortable, but she still took a step back. Her arms stayed around her girlfriend’s shoulders.

“So, how was the drama club meeting?”

Jo grinned. “We’re back, baby.”

“In black?”

“In Bare.”

Casey tilted her head, and her short hair shifted slightly across her forehead. “Huh?”

“Our musical this spring. We’re doing Bare!”

“No fucking way!”

“Yes fucking way!”

It was no secret to any of their friends that the couple adored the musical. Of course, no one knew about why, but it was rooted in the fact that, when the two watched the original bootleg freshman year, Casey saw Nadia and considered herself okay for the first time.

And that’s why Jo wanted her to go out for the show. “You should audition, you know.”

“For what? I can’t sing, Jo.”

“You’re a fine singer!”

“Chorus member number seven, I can see it now.”

“Case.”

“I’d rather see my beautiful girlfriend give it her all from my seat in the audience.”

Jolene blushed, something that happened quite a lot around Casey. Casey gave her a quick kiss, and then hopped out of her arms.

“Come on, we got to get home. The Shrek marathon starts in less than an hour.”

Jo’s eyes widened. “Oh, shit, you’re right!”

“Get in the car.” Casey kissed her one more time, and, as she did, her hand curled around the door handle, and she pulled on it. The door opened a tad, and she ducked out of the way just in time for it to swing open. “Shrek-ward bound, my lady!”

“Your wish is my command!” Jolene shoved the keys into the ignition, and pulled out of the lot.

 

*****

 

Simon watched Casey and Jolene from his car until they left. He was fucked. Totally fucked.

He set the phone on the dash, and hit the button he’d been hovering over for a few minutes. The phone started ringing, and it didn’t stop, not until the voicemail kicked in.

_ Hey, it’s Lilette! I’m so sorry I’m busy, but I’m probably covered in some three year old’s milkshake and you don’t want to deal with me when that happens, so count your blessings! You know what to do! _

“Hey, it’s Simon. Uh, call me when you can. Love you.” That was all he said. He couldn’t describe it over voicemail. It was too hard.

Really, he needed Lilette there with him. He needed her to tell him he’d be okay, that it didn’t matter what role he got. Because it did. Because his dad would disown him.

He wanted to play Jason, really. He didn’t know many of the songs, honestly, because his parents would probably crucify him if they heard he was listening to a gay ass musical that questioned the church. Especially since Lilette had been the one to show him. But he’d heard some of it, like Bare and Epiphany, but his favorite by far was Once Upon a Time. He’d only heard it once and he still could sing most of it. It was haunting.

His phone buzzed, and he practically pounced on it, but was quickly disappointed.

**From: Gwen**

**Are you doing All State? Or the musical?**

Not the girl he wanted. And not something he cared enough to answer. He wasn’t doing the all state musical, because Lilette was, and they both knew that they couldn’t get through another show together knowing it could be the last.

Simon knew he needed to get home. His mom had to work late, and his dad wasn’t talking to anyone, not really, so he needed to make dinner. But the problem was that he really didn’t want to go home. His dad thought he was a disappointment, Emma was a wreck over the looming possibility of Simon’s parents divorce, and Simon’s mom somehow never got away from the office anymore. To add to it, Lilette wasn’t answering his calls, Annabelle avoided him like the plague, and Jeremy, well, Jeremy was Jeremy. And that was becoming an issue for Simon.

Finally, Simon reached into his glove compartment, and pulled out one of the CDs inside. Godspell, the 2012 revival version. He could do with some Godspell, right then. It was happy. It was exciting. It was one of his favorites.

He slipped the disk in, and listened as arguing philosophers filtered through his car speakers. Why couldn’t Stanton just do Godspell again? Simon wouldn’t have to worry about his father’s opinion of the show, or whether he’d have to kiss a boy.

The hectic nature of “Tower of Babel” was not helping Simon’s crazed mental state, and suddenly, he couldn’t deal with it. He quickly spun the dial on the dash, trying to change the song.

By some strange fanfiction power, he landed on Beautiful City. His mom taught him the asl to it, back when the school she worked at performed it, and he started to absentmindedly following along. God, he loved this song. And even though Mr. Mazzu didn’t get the message last time, maybe singing a Jesus song would let the man know he didn’t want to play another gay character. Maybe it would show that he couldn’t play across from Jeremy again.

Simon’s phone buzzed, but he didn’t check it. Instead, he forcefully shifted his car out of park, into reverse. He needed to get home. He couldn’t keep over thinking things. He couldn’t focus on his dad, or Lilette, or Jeremy. Fucking Jeremy. He just needed to get home and make Emma dinner and finish reading Gatsby for English.

“When your faith is all but killed,” Rang through the car. Simon started to belt along with it. “You can give up, bitter and battered. Or you can slowly start to build a beautiful city. Yes we can, yes we can. We can build a beautiful city. Not a city of angels, but finally, a city of men.” On the last word, he jammed the radio off and drove on in silence. It was such a bittersweet moment, when that song came in to the show, and that’s where Simon’s life was. A bittersweet settling point just before all hell broke loose. Just before his dad found out about the show. Just before his mom lost her husband completely. Just before his family blew up.

He was going to sing this at auditions, and Mr. Mazzu could fight him for not singing something in character. It was decided. He was going to put Matt and Lucas down on his audition form and that would be the end of it. He wouldn’t play Jason, because he loved his dad, his mom, his family. Because he was happy with himself. Because he was straight, or at least could pretend to be.

And so he sped home to his little sister, to his awful father, and his beaten down mother. His best friend still wasn’t picking up, his ex-love interest was still too attractive for his liking, and he still couldn’t force himself to like girls. But at least, now, he knew how he was going to handle this. He could do this.

 

*****

 

Michael was waiting at Sasha’s locker the day before auditions, sheet music in hand. He knew she wouldn’t talk to him about it unless he made her, so he was making it happen.

Before he was out, she used to accuse him of never participating in anything. And now he was doing the same thing to her. It was strange, how the tables can turn so suddenly. But it wasn’t happy. It was heartbreaking.

Michael never did anything outside of his bubble because he was so scared people would find out that he was lying to them constantly. Watching the girl he loved do the same thing tore him apart. So he had to do something, had to stop her from closing herself off. And force was the only thing he could think of.

There she was, suddenly, coming down the hall towards him. He waved to her, purposefully using the hand that wasn’t holding the sheet music. “Sasha!”

“Hey, Michael,” She replied. She still sounded sad, but at least, face to face, she was putting up a happier front.

“I have something for you.”

She tilted her head. “What is it?”

Slowly, he held out the sheet music. “It’s for the show.”

“Michael, we talked about this-“

“Hear me out, please.”

Sasha hesitated, before crossing her arms. “Fine.”

“Did you look it up?”

“No.”

“Not even- okay, whatever. The character’s name is Ivy. About halfway through the show, she finds out she’s pregnant.” Sasha gulped.

“I don’t… I can’t do that, Michael.”

“At the end of the show, she… Well, you can play it as what happened, with, you know…”

Tears started brimming in her eyes, because she did. “Please leave.”

Michael shook his head. “Sasha. Someone like Gwen, or Jolene, they don’t get it. They don’t know what she’s been through.”

“But, what? I do? You don’t think I realized that?” Her shoulders sagged. “It’s just not something I think I can do, not after only two months.”

Michael sighed, and nodded. “Okay. It’s okay. Just, if you change your mind, I put you down on the list with a question mark. Mr. Mazzu knows you aren’t sure yet, so don’t worry about it.”

She studied him for a moment, before saying, “I’ll think about it, for you.”

“Sash, don’t do it for me. Do it for yourself, okay?”

“Yeah,” She quickly pecked his cheek, before pushing past him to her locker. She still looked sad, but it had shifted, somehow. “Now, walk me to English?” She asked, as she shoved her backpack in. “We’re reading Gatsby and it’s so awful that I’m literally going insane.”

“Gay subtext, my dear child.”

“What gay subtext?”

“Gatsby and Nick?”

“Huh?”

“Do straight people not notice these things or…” He winked at her, and she punched his shoulder.

“Shut up.”

He giggled. It was then that he noticed she was smiling, something that didn’t really happen anymore. His heart leaped out of his chest.

“So, I’m going for Lucas,” He told her suddenly, as she pulled her books out of her locker. “You think I can pull off a drug dealer?”

“If you’re selling cough drops?” She suggested, turning back to him. “Ready?”

“Yeah.” He offered her his hand, and she took it. “I can pass as the dark and brooding type, come on.”

“Maybe. Except you’re actually decent,” As she spoke, she rested her head on his shoulder.

“You think?”

“I know.”

“Want to know something else?”

“What?”

“I love you.”

“Nerd.”

“Just saying!”

She smiled, but it looked fake. Michael wondered if she was doing it to make him feel better. “I know. I love you too.”

 

*****

 

Simon was the first on the audition list, again, so Jeremy planned to come in late to auditions so he didn’t have to hear it. He knew it was going to hurt, seeing him sing again. It hurt even while they were talking.

He showed up about ten minutes late, but it wasn’t late enough, apparently. Robbie passed him as he entered, and Jeremy quickly realized his mistake: football lifting was at 3:30 on Tuesdays, meaning Robbie had to go first in his audition. Which meant…

“Hi, uh, my name’s Simon Saunders,” He uselessly explained to the audience of waiting teens, “And I will be performing ‘Beautiful City’ from the Broadway revival of Godspell.”

Jeremy slumped down next to Jolene, whose sheet music shook slightly in her hand. She didn’t look up at him.

“Simon,” Mr. Mazzu called up the brunette. “You were supposed to pick a song from the show.”

“I thought this would work better,” Simon replied coolly. The piano accompaniment began, slowly, and Simon started to sing. “Out of the ruin and rubble.” His voice was smooth and soft. Jeremy’s heart skipped a beat.

He didn’t even notice his hands until Jolene whispered, ‘Is that ASL?” It was. Simon Saunders was signing along to Beautiful City, and Jeremy Travers was falling in love so fast.

Lou and Tracey glance at each other, and they both quickly scribbled something down. Jeremy wished he could read what they said, but he was too far away. So he just focused on Simon’s voice and his signing. He skipped the second verse and went onto the bridge. Jeremy wanted a full recording. It sounded absolutely incredible. His voice was silk.

And then, all too soon, it was over. Simon finished, and hurried off the stage, back into the audience.

Michael went next. He sang Wonderland, in Lucas’s part. Jeremy never knew he could rap like that. Of course, it wasn’t perfect, but it still sounded good. Especially because it was supposed to be a white boy rap. It helped to calm Jeremy’s lovesick heart, but it didn’t do the full job. And it made Jeremy more annoyed, since Simon had ignored him since Spring Awakening closed. His crush had gone so far, and even white boy rap couldn’t help him.

“You okay?” Jo asked him, suddenly.

“Oh, uh, of course, yeah. Why?”

“Because I’ve asked you to move three times so I can get through for my audition and you haven’t noticed.”

Jeremy turned violently red, and shrunk back in his seat. She shuffled past, into the aisle.

They had put their names down together, which meant he was next. He didn’t know if he could do it anymore.

But, that’s how Peter probably felt, right? He could do that. He could channel it. He had to get this role.

Mr. Mazzu called next, and Jeremy stood up. He took a deep breath. It was time.

 

*****

 

To say Simon was prepared for Jeremy’s audition would be to lie.

Jolene sang a stellar version of Plain Jane Fat Ass, which of course followed the disclaimer that she didn’t want the role. It was a very Jolene thing to do, really.

Simon considered leaving before hers, but he didn’t want to seem rude, so he stayed.

He regretted that decision as Jeremy headed up the stairs to the stage.

He hadn’t heard him sing in real life since closing night, but almost every night he dreamed about it. About Jeremy’s lips on his. About the way his hands were so warm. About how the stage lights looked against his skin.

They once again made him glow as he took center stage. Simon’s heart wasn’t supposed to be pounding like this over a boy, and he was afraid others could hear it.

“Hi, I’ll be singing for Peter.”

“What song?” Mr. Mazzu questioned.

“Role of a Lifetime.”

“Whenever you’re ready, then.”

Simon hoped he was ready, but that didn’t seem to be the case. Jeremy looked out to the audience, and the accompaniment began.

“Everything’s an act, when you’re pleasing everyone,” He belted. His voice was butter. Simon gulped. “And he assumes the role with such renown. He plays a perfect part, straight from his heart, knowing the risks he takes, and hoping that the house will not be brought down.” Jeremy brushed back his hair with his hand, and Simon realized he was studying the blonde’s every move. At least he wasn’t the only one this time, as most of the theatre was captivated by Jeremy’s performance as it wore on. The song was made for him, and everyone knew it.

“One day, the scene will change.” His voice dipped, growing softer, sadder. “White picket fences, and a dog, a trophy bride, and children.” It may have been an accident, or it may have been completely on purpose, but he looked up and straight into Simon’s eyes. “God I know that’s what he wants.” He gulped. Everyone could tell that he felt the emotion. Everyone could feel it too. Except Simon, who wished he could look away. “But Jason, where do I fit in? Am I a savior or a phase? Am I here to damn you or to help you navigate this maze?”

Simon Saunders stood up, suddenly, and grabbed his backpack. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t.

As he slunk down the aisle, and out of the room, he, along with everyone else, noticed the clear waver in the strength of Jeremy’s voice. But he just kept walking.

 

*****

 

Michael didn’t think his day could get much better. It started with his mom asking about whether he wanted to talk to the doctor at his next visit about top surgery, since he’d mentioned it before. During second period, he found out he got an A- on the hardest test he’d ever taken. And, only thirty minutes earlier, he’d nailed his Lucas audition. Tracey even gave him a little thumbs up after.

So, no, Michael didn’t think his day could get any better.

And then Sasha emerged from backstage, just before the last call for auditions. The theatre was almost empty, and it was only by chance that Michael was there, since he was spending the night at Maashous’s, and Mr. Mazzu was his ride.

“Mr. Mazzu?” She called. “Am I too late for auditions or…”

“No, not all,” He answered quickly. “You’re perfectly on time.”

“Okay, well, um. I’m auditioning for Ivy, with All Grown Up, from verse two.”

“Whenever you’re ready, then.”

She nodded, slowly, and took a deep breath. She looked so beautiful under the stage lights. “All those years, she scrimped and saved, and now it seems it comes to this. If only Ivy had behaved, or learned to stop with just a kiss.” There was so much brutal pain and anger in her voice. It was incredible. She was incredible. “It hits me paralyzing stutter, face the music, take a bow. Just another unwed mother, one more sad statistic now.” Michael knew, but no one else did. He didn’t think anyone else did, at least. They tended to confide in each other before they would tell anyone else, something that started back when Sasha’s mom left. So the idea that someone else in the room knew what had happened earlier in the semester was strange and not likely. Michael lightly shook his head, and focused on the end of the song. Her voice was so perfect, and it held so much anger and regret. He was so incredibly proud of his girlfriend.

“How can I?” She belted, and then suddenly stopped, and stared at the audience. In the stage lights, Michael could see tears forming in her eyes. He wasn’t sure if she was acting anymore. “I’m just a girl.” It was barely there, but it hit like a truck. Michael was on his feet clapping in seconds.

She dashed down the stairs to Michael, and he gave her a big hug. “You rocked that, oh my god!” He said quickly.

She pressed her cheek into his shoulder. “Practicing yesterday and today… I forgot how much I love all of this. I haven’t felt this… okay, in awhile.”

“Are you okay, though? I know this was probably hard for you. You can talk to me if it was.”

Sasha shook her head. “No, I’m fine. I’m better, even. It’s… Ivy’s gone through this stuff too. It’s like I’ve got someone to go through this with.”

Michael nodded. But, to be honest, it stung a bit, since he’d try to be there through everything. He understood, though. “Good. Well, you better get that role, because you killed it.”

Sasha leaned back and stared at him skeptically. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Who else went out for it, though? Like, I figured it’s probably a big role and all…”

“Just Annabelle, actually. She sang Portrait of a Girl.”

“Really?”

“It wasn’t that good, though. I mean, I love Annabelle and her voice, but you were just breathtaking.”

She laughed, quietly. “You’re only saying that because you have to.”

“Yeah, right. Sasha, you know how brutally honest I am, okay? I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“Really?”

“Really. You were perfect.”

She smiled, a little embarrassed. “So, how’d the drug dealer audition go?” She asked, changing the subject.

“I had to rap,” He replied sarcastically. “Guess.”

“We’ve been listening to Hamilton for two years, so….”

“So I sounded like a white Philip Hamilton.”

“Good.”

“And now we wait.”

He wrapped an arm around her waist, and she did the same with him. She slowly rested her head on his shoulder. “But, honestly, was I actually good today?”

“Shut up.”

 

*****

 

Tracey and Lou stood in front of the cork board, staring at names. Finally, Lou broke the silence.

“There’s no question about Peter and Jason, right?” He leaned forward, and grabbed two headshots, before pinning them up. Jeremy and Simon smiled back at them, from the photos.

“Lou, what about Simon’s dad?” Tracey pointed out. “He threw a fit over one kiss.”

“But he and Jeremy have real chemistry. And though his audition was, I’ll admit, unexpected, it was absolutely perfect for Jason.”

“He didn’t put Jason on his audition sheet, either.”

“No one other than Francis did Tracey, and he auditioned with a Peter song. Not only that, but we’ve talked, and he’s already trying for all state this year.”

Tracey shifted uncomfortably. “Fine. Just, don’t let this get too out of control, okay?”

He clapped, once, glad to get his way. “Great, alright, we’ve got our two leads.”

Tracey grabbed one of the other photos and pinned it up next to their pictures, under Ivy’s name. Sasha.

“Here’s your third lead.”

“What?”

“Sasha. She’s perfect for Ivy, Lou.”

“She’s a freshman. And she’s never had a lead.”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t see that performance, Lou. And when has never staring in a show stopped you?”

“That was-“

“Nope. Sasha is Ivy. End of conversation.”

Lou didn’t speak. After a moment, he realized that his mouth was hanging wide open. He promptly closed it, but Tracey has already started moving on.

“What the hell are we going to do about Nadia?”

Lou grabbed the remaining stack of pictures. “I actually had an idea about that…”

 

*****

 

“Mr. Mazzu! Open the fucking door!” Jolene screamed, as she pounded on the locked classroom door. People were staring, but she didn’t care. The cast list had come out, and she was pissed.

Finally, the older man opened the door. “Jolene, come on-.”

“Fuck off,” She shoved him out of the way as she entered the classroom.

“I really don’t appreciate the language.”

“I don’t give a shit what you appreciate.”

“Jolene!”

“You cast me as Nadia. Fucking Nadia.”

Mr. Mazzu’s brow furrowed. “Jolene, she’s the fourth lead.”

“And she’s overweight. It’s downright offensive to the character to have a thin actress play her.”

“Well, see, in the 2013 revival, they portrayed Nadia with an eating disorder and I thought that we could take the route, especially since so many teen girls deal with-“

“You thought wrong,” She snapped. “You won’t be doing that, at least not with me in your cast. I won’t be accepting my role.”

“Jolene, wait,” Mr. Mazzu held up his hands in surrender. “Just, please, stay for the first few practices. We don’t have an understudy for Nadia.”

She gave him a death glare. “Why.”

“I thought you’d want a lead your junior year so I-“

She rolled her eyes. “Why should I  _ stay _ . I don’t care about the understudy issue.”

“Oh. Uh, well, you see, we still need someone to stand in for a little bit, since it’s a lead role. And I’m thinking, since you know a bit about Nadia’s casting, you know the show?”

She crossed her arms. “What do you want from me, then?”

“I’m having the act 1 read through tomorrow night. Just, please, be there. So we get the idea of what Nadia’s lines, alright?”

Jo shifted back and forth on her feet, without looking up. She was suddenly so uncomfortable, having slightly made a fool of herself. “Yeah.”

“And, Jo, please watch your language next time you come in here.”

She gulped, and nodded. “Okay, sure. Yeah.”

 

*****

 

Simon stared at the cast list.

“Oh my god.”

 

*****

 

Jeremy stared at the cast list.

“Oh my god.”

 

*****

 

The Saunders’ dinner table was silent except for the clinking of utensils and dishes. Simon had barely eaten any of the food on his plate.

“Simon, could you pass the chicken?”

“I got the role I wanted,” He blurted out. Deep down, he knew it wasn’t a lie, but what he was about to say was. “Cast list came out, and I got Matt.”

His mom looked at him, and then her husband, who just nodded.

“And what musical is this?” He asked, leaning forward on the table

“It’s called Bare. It’s based off Romeo and Juliet, and, uh, Matt’s kind of the Tybalt of the show.” He hesitated, before adding, “He dates a girl named Ivy, actually, until the lead, Jason, steals her.”

Simon’s mom looked down at her food, and gulped. Simon’s dad smiled slightly, and cut another piece of chicken. It went silent again.

Emma looked between their parents, and then at Simon. He shook his head slightly.

_ They’re fine _ , He thought.  _ They have to be _ .

 

*****

 

“Okay, everyone!” Mr. Mazzu announced, starting their first practice. Jeremy looked up from his script, which he’d just recieved. “We’re gonna do our act one read through today. Except, since this is fully sung through, we’re going to have some light accompaniment. Just try your best to sing along if you have the melody, okay?”

Simon wasn’t there, and Jeremy was getting nervous. Had he quit, like Jolene? It was Jeremy’s fault, then, wasn’t it? He was too pushy. That’s what Annabelle told him after he told her about the cute boy that had started avoiding him. Of course, she didn’t know it was Simon, but it didn’t matter.

And then the door opened, and like an answer to his prayers, Simon rushed in. What was even more of a miracle, though, was that he flopped down right next to Jeremy. “Sorry, I had to drop my history paper off with Wilder,” He mumbled to Jeremy, as if they were friends. Jeremy just nodded awkwardly in response.

“So, we can start with epiphany and-“

“Mr. Mazzu?” Simon called. “Is there any way we can work backwards? I don’t know, um, how comfortable, um, vocally, I feel with You and I yet. Could we maybe start with One?”

One was harder, really, when it came to vocals, and everyone knew it. But no one said anything, until Mr. Mazzu spoke.

“Sure, if that’s okay with everyone else. Sasha, Simon, take us away.”

 

*****

 

“And I keep on waiting,” Jolene belted, Nadia’s sadness seeping into her voice.

“Waiting in the rain,” Robbie followed.

“And I keep on hating, all.”

“Hating all the pain.”

 

*****

 

Jolene stepped off the scale at the doctor's’ office, a nervous look covering her face.

“122 lbs,” The nurse read aloud. “That’s healthy.”

Slowly, Jo nodded. They hadn’t checked her for weights this time, either. They didn’t need to, not with the progress she’d made in the last few years.

 

*****

 

“And I keep on trying.”

“Trying to begin.”

“And I keep on dying.”

“Dying to fit in.”

 

*****

 

“So, your appointment’s tomorrow, okay hon?” Michael’s mom informed him over their dinner.

“Yeah, great.” He grinned. “Thanks Mom, I really appreciate it.”

“You been taking care of yourself, haven’t you?” His sister, Beth, questioned. She was in town for the upcoming long weekend.

“Huh?”

“You know, safe binding and all?”

“Oh, uh, yeah.”

She smiled. “Just keep yourself healthy, okay, little brother?”

 

*****

 

“Don't go.... Won't you stay…” Sasha and Simon’s voice melted together. “One moment, one chance connection, one vision, one stolen stare, one cover, one dance, one lover, one vision, one answered prayer. Don't go.... Won't you stay…”

 

*****

 

Simon sat his desk, reading over his lines from act two. He wanted to scream at his parents, at Mr. Mazzu, at Jeremy, at Annabelle, at Lilette. He scrolled back through his texts again, landing on the most recent.

**From: Lilette**

**Saunders, I am so sorry for missing your calls. I’ve been swamped with homework and auditions and stuff. I can’t really talk much right now, but text me, please. I miss you.**

He was crying, but he didn’t know when it’d started. He set his phone down without replying. He was so alone.

 

*****

 

Jeremy stepped forward on the stage. “Once I had a hero… I guess he couldn't stay. Fear took up his trembling hand, and led him far away.”

 

*****

 

Jeremy curled himself into a tight ball on the living room couch as his parents screamed at each other in the background. He couldn’t do it anymore, couldn’t hear it.

His dad got them into this mess, his dad screwed up. Now there was an impending divorce and endless fighting.

Everything was a war zone, and Jeremy was just collateral damage.

 

*****

 

Simon and Sasha finished out the song. “One I love you, one forever, one tomorrow, one today. Deep inside you I am certain you can help me find my way.”


	2. understudies, episode 1

A box of pizza sat in the center of the circle of this show’s understudies. Harmony was the first to reach forward and grab a piece. With pizza in her mouth, she quickly announced, “Welcome to the first official understudies meeting of Stanton’s Bare production. Please, feel free to welcome our new members, Casey and Gwen.” She gestured to the two girls who were sitting awkwardly on the fringe with her slice.

“We’ve lost some wonderful people,” Violet added, sarcastically. “Jeremy, Sasha, Jolene-“

“Isn’t Jolene’s still an understudy?” Casey cut in.

“An honorary one,” Lexi answered.

“No, I mean, she’s Nadia’s understudy. I guess since she isn’t helping with the short film…”

Clark raised his eyebrows. Through a slight laugh, he informed her, “She wasn’t Nadia’s understudy. She just didn’t accept the role.”

“Did she not tell you?” Gwen asked, looking at Casey.

“I mean, I probably just forgot…” She didn’t, but she wouldn’t let them think Jo had lied to her.

Gwen raised her eyebrows at her, as if she didn’t believe her, but she didn’t say anything else.

“Don’t forget Cheryl,” Clark carried them back to their former conversation. He reached forward and grabbed a second pizza slice. He’d basically inhaled his first piece.

“Never,” Michael piped up.

“I wish she still was,” Lexi offered. “I wrote her into this short film, and I don’t have a person to fill the void.”

Clark leaned back, and referenced Casey. “We do have a new member in our ranks.” Lexi’s eyes widen, and she grinned.

Casey spoke before she could. “I’m not an actor…”

“Please?” Lexi begged. “I’ll even fix some of the scripts so that you don’t have to talk much.”

“I’ve never acted before!”

“You act like you can stand Jo,” Harmony pointed out sarcastically.

“Yeah, but-“

“You’re adorable!” Michael insisted.

“And you’ve charismatic,” Francis pointed out. “The camera would adore you.”

“I guess…”

“Do it!” Annabelle insisted.

“Do it,” Gwen agreed pulling Casey’s arm. “It’ll be awesome, I promise.”

Casey looked at her, and then to the group. “Okay, yeah. I will.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi shout out to the lovely anon who reminded me that i forgot to post this.


	3. Episode Two: Hello, Angel

Michael twisted his hands.

“You okay?” His mom asked quietly, looking up from her Home and Garden magazine. He nodded slowly.

“Just nervous. I really want today to go well.”

“It will, Mike. Deep breaths.”

It wasn’t that Michael didn’t want to do this. He really did. But he also didn’t want to get told it wasn’t going to happen. What if he was too young? Or if he was too short? He’d done his research, but questions still bubbled up in his head.

“Michael Hallowell?” One of the nurses called. Michael’s gut twisted. Time to learn the truth.

His mom stood, quickly, and he followed at a much slower pace. “That’s us,” His mom explained for him. “Well, him.” She rested her hand on his arm reassuringly, and together they followed the nurse through the doors to the rooms.

Michael went through the motions as the nurse took his height and weight. He hadn’t grown from 5’2” since last year, so it really didn’t matter that much to him.

Then he was in the hospital room, where his mom waited. “Does he need change into a hospital gown or anything?” His mom asked awkwardly. She was one of those moms who asserted her motherly dominance by asking a lot of questions and hovering over her kids. Sometimes it felt helpful, like the night he came out to her. Other times, it was just embarrassing.

“Mom…” Michael groaned. It was definitely embarrassing this time.

“What?”

“I can talk for myself,” He hissed. His face was getting hot. The nurse grinned.

“Kid, don’t worry about it,” He insisted. “My mom was just like you, ma’am.”

“Concerned because she loves you?” She asked sarcastically. Michael aggressively rolled his eyes at her.

The nurse gave her a stunning smile. “Doctor Harris will be in in a moment,” He informed her.

Michael’s mom pulled her magazine back out, and opened to the latest page.

“What do you think about this for the new patio furniture this summer?” She asked, holding out the page.

“Uh huh,” He answered quickly, without looking.

“You didn’t even look.”

“I did.”

She set the magazine down. “Michael, what’s up?”

“What if I’m too young?” He blurted. “Or my binder’s messing with something? Or-“

“Oh, hon.” She reached out and hugged him with one arm. “You’ve researched this.”

“But-“

“Michael,” Her voice had kept its softness, but there was also a hint of sharpness to it. This was her mom voice, and both Hallowell siblings knew it well. Michael went silent. “It’s only a consultation today. It doesn't affect anything.”

“Oh, come on, it affects every _ thing _ .”

“You know that isn’t true.” She released her son’s shoulders and leaned back. “Now, come on, straighten up your shirt. First impressions mean everything.”

“I’ve met Doctor Harris before!”

His mom shrugged. “You’ve met our family friend. And now you’re meeting him professionally, which means this is a new impression. This is important, Mike, so he should think highly of you.”

The door opened, and a middle aged man walked in. He quickly ruffled Michael’s hair. So much for first impressions

“Did you start curling your hair, kiddo?” He asked as he leaned back against the table.

“Perm,” Michael explained.

“Huh, well, I like it.”

Michael beamed at him. “Thanks.”

Then, Doctor Harris turned to Dr. Hallowell. “So, Kayla. Am I talking to you or Mike today?”

“This is Mike’s thing.”

“Alrighty.” With a nod, he crossed his arms, and turned back to Michael. “So, some pretty big stuff to discuss on the agenda today. Top surgery and hormone therapy.”

It took Michael a moment. “T?”

“Yep.”

Michael looked at his mom for help, but she just gave him a big smile. His stomach turned. He didn’t think this was what today was going to be.

“So, this appointment’s about T?”

“Hon, we talked about this yesterday,” His mom answered. They didn’t.

“Do you want to talk pros or cons first?” Harris asked, unphased by what Michael assumed was evident panic.

“Pros.”

“Alright, well, usually you see a drop in vocal pitch as early as three months. I saw you in Spring Awakening, you know, and you’d probably be able to hit all of Moritz’s notes properly after, I don’t know, six months?”

“Oh.” He thought he already did hit Moritz’s notes right, but maybe not.

“And you’d see an increase in muscle mass, and further develop facial hair.”

“Sounds awesome, right, hon?” Michael’s mom butted in. He didn’t want this, though. And she wasn’t getting it.

“Yeah, totally.” The answer was in no way sincere, but they hadn’t figured that out yet.

“The cons are mood swings, and possible hair loss,” Doctor Harris continued, like nothing was wrong.

“Hair loss?”

“There are ways to avoid that, if that concerns you.”

Gripping the chair sides until his knuckles were white, Michael leaned back. One of his curls fell in his face. He knew he was so lucky to be there, especially at 15. Yet, for some reason, he didn’t feel very lucky at all.

 

*****

 

Simon pulled out his phone as he waited for practice to start. Quietly, he read back through his latest strand of texts.

**To: Lilette**

**Hey, you there?**

**To: Lilette**

**I really really need to talk to you right now**

**To: Lilette**

**Please?**

**To: Lilette**

**Just let me know when you get this**

**To: Lilette**

**Never mind.**

**To: Lilette**

**Forget I said anything. It’s no big deal.**

But it was. He just couldn’t bring himself to say it.

“Alright, everyone!” Mr. Mazzu called. “We’re running Pilgrim’s Hands. We’re gonna go through the song with the choreo Ms. Wolfe taught us yesterday, and we’d gonna add in the blocking as well.”

As everyone clambered onto the stage, Simon kept his eyes on Jeremy. The dance they were doing was so intimate. He didn’t know if he could do it.

“Okay, so, we want Romeo and Juliet center stage in this scene,” Mr. Mazzu explained, gesturing madly. Simon shifted to center. “With everyone else around them. Jo, thanks for coming back, you’re gonna be off to the side. Uh, Michael, up front. Jeremy, back kind of off of Simon’s shoulder, with, uh, Harmony. Annabelle, next to Michael.” Everyone shifted into positions, but Simon went a lot slower. He wanted to delay the inevitable.

“Cheryl,” Mr. Mazzu explained. “Cross from the back, stage left, to the front. And… Go.”

“Diane, do I hear a waltz in that Charleston? Why are you kicking?” Cheryl snapped, eyes on her script. There was no one else on that stage who could capture Sister Chantelle quite like she could.

Simon practiced his dance moves, slowly, just pacing the steps in character. Both Jason and Simon needed the practice.

“Everybody take five!” Cheryl yelled.

“Just a reminder: the pharmacy closes Friday at noon. Get your orders in before then!” Michael announced.

Simon squared his shoulders, and approached Jeremy, ignoring the rest of the stage. “How’s living with Lucas?” He read from his script.

Jeremy didn’t need to look. “It’s fine.”

“Peter, we graduate on Sunday. Are you really never going to speak to me again? I miss you.” Maybe that was true. Simon missed Jeremy. But he didn’t want to.

The scene ran, and Simon went through the motions. Did he miss Jeremy? Why would he, though? They weren’t close. Jeremy wasn’t like Lilette. But still…

“Alright, Diane… Jason…” Cheryl mumbled.

Simon missed it, at first. He wasn’t paying any attention.

“Jason?” Cheryl repeated.

His eyes widen. “Oh… uh…” He took a deep breath, and took Annabelle’s hands. She looked uncomfortable. “If I profane with my unworthiest hand, this holy shrine, the gentle sin is this. My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to soothe that rough touch with a tender kiss.” Slowly, she looked away. They hadn’t really talked since their break up, and Simon wasn’t loving this situation. But she was Diane, and so that’s how it had to be.

“Good Pilgrim…” She blinked. “Good pilgrim… I know it, I swear! Good pilgrim…” Suddenly, still in the character of Diane, she turned and dashed off stage, horrified.

There was a beat of complete silence. And then, Jeremy stepped forward, and took Simon’s hand. The blonde’s hand was rough and chapped, but it felt so nice in Simon’s. His heart was pounding. If Simon hadn’t needed his script, of course, they’d be holding both hands. He didn’t know if he could stay sane if that happened.

“Good pilgrim,” Jeremy’s voice was so low and soft, “you do wrong your hand too much which mannerly devotion shows in this,” They were following the slowly shifting dance moves, at this point, along with everyone else, “for saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.”

In character, Clark snorted behind him. And in character, Cheryl told him off. But all Simon payed attention to was Jeremy’s eyes. They were so damn blue.

“Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?”

“Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.”

Simon could practically taste Jeremy’s breath.  _ This is just acting, _ he thought, as they shifted impossibly closer, their chests only inches apart. Their hands slid around each other’s, as they slipped loosely through the dance.

“O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do” Simon whispered-sang. “They pray, grant thou...lest...lest…”

“Lest faith turn to despair,” Jeremy finished, his voice still hushed. Simon’s eyes flickered down to Jeremy’s lips. He could kiss him, right then, if he wanted to. But Jeremy was a boy, and he wasn’t supposed to want to.

Jeremy studied him, his eyes landing on his lips. Simon could kiss him, right then and there. He really could. They’d done it before. But Simon’s dad would disown him. But Simon’s mom would be horrified. But Lilette would hate him for lying.

Sasha stumbled onto the stage, continuing the scene, and Cheryl interrupted Simon’s thoughts.

“Well done, Peter. Ivy, nice of you to join us, but we're finished.”

Mr. Mazzu cut them off. “And we’re gonna end this scene here, since I want to wait to run God Don’t Make No Trash.” Simon quickly stepped back. “Now, we’re gonna go back to Wonderland, if that’s okay with all of you.”

Simon looked over at Jeremy, as they shifted into their spots. He didn’t know if he could keep acting like this, like he wasn’t falling for the blonde. Like he wasn’t ruining his family.

“You okay, Si?” Jolene asked, as she moved past him.

“Oh, uh yeah. Fine.” He wasn’t fine. None of this was fine. He couldn’t be like this. And he wasn’t going to be fine unless he kept his distance with Jeremy, and fought this.

 

*****

 

“Jo?” Casey asked, as they drove to her house.

“Yeah?”

“Why’d you quit the show?”

“I didn’t.” Jo was a good liar, which bothered Casey. Was this the first time?

“I just assumed since Mr. Mazzu thanked you for coming today…”

“No, uh, I just may be reworking some of the lines later with him. That’s all.” A bold faced lie. Casey’s stomach was turning.

“Why, though?”

“Huh?”

“Why…” Casey tried to put her words together. “...Rework stuff?”

Jo shrugged. “Nadia’s overweight. I’m not.”

Casey took a deep breath. “Isn’t he working with the revival portrayal then?” As she said it, they turned off of the more main road, onto a much emptier street. Jolene slowed the car a bit.

“Yeah, and I just don’t think it’s great with the character, you know?”

“I do.”

“Why?”

“Because, Jo, we’ve both gone through that before.”

Jo gripped the steering wheel tightly. “Gone through what?”

“You know what.”

“No, I don’t, actually.”

Casey crossed her arms. “Are you really making me say this out loud? You’re so petty, I swear.”

Jo all but slammed on the brakes. “Excuse me? What’s wrong with wanting you to actually saying it?”

“What? You want me to talk about your eating disorder? Huh?” Normally, Casey would stop there. But she was angry. She was never angry, not out loud. “About how you almost starved yourself to death because of your dance instructors? Or how I used to puke my guts up in the last bathroom stall in the girl’s room in the basement? Or maybe you want rehash how we didn’t even talk until we met at support group freshman year?”

“So what? Why does that matter?”

“It matters because this is feeling a lot less like Hazel and Gus in the early chapters nowadays.”

“I never even liked the Fault in Our Stars anyway.”

One more lie, and Casey’s heart was in her stomach. She remembered finding the worn, well read copy in Jolene’s closet, remembered the 3 AM decision to say, “Okay? Okay,” to each other, the random jokes about how basic they were. Casey never loved it, but Jo always did, so Casey did.

But now.

“Sure, whatever. Just take me home.”

“What?”

“I want to go straight home, Jo.”

Jo gritted her teeth. “Whatever.”

“Okay?” Casey asked.

Jo rolled her eyes and pressed the gas. She didn’t speak.

For the first time in a year, Casey wondered if they’d be ok.

 

*****

 

Jolene watched Casey walk around to the garage, and then she was alone. She rested her forehead against the steering wheel.

Casey was right. She usually was. Jo couldn’t do it, couldn’t portray the illness she’d worked so hard to fight.

Earlier, she would’ve kept her face, would’ve said the stupid fucking “Okay” reply. But she didn’t. Maybe it was because, really, Jo wasn’t okay. Not even a little bit. Not at all.

Slowly, Jo pulled out of the driveway, and headed home.

 

*****

 

“So, how is practice going?” Jeremy’s little sister, Anna, asked as he stirred some pasta on the stove. She was set up at the end of their center island, alternating between eighth grade math homework, holding timers, and playing musical soundtracks.

“How’s Simon, is what she means,” Jeremy’s twin, Tori, elaborated. She hip bumped him.

“Hopelessly straight,” Jeremy answered.

Tori made a face. “Very funny.”

“Well, he seems to think so!”

“I’m just saying, if I’d been best friends with the actual goddess that is Lilette Suarez since second grade, I’d have tried to hit that.”

“Well, you’re a perv, so.”

“Y’all are weird,” Anna butted in.

“Says the thirteen year old with dyed black hair,” Tori argued back.

“At least my classmates don’t think I’m fucking my brother.”

“Watch your fucking language,” Jeremy scolded sarcastically. He pulled a piece of pasta up with his spoon and took a bite. Still raw. “And put another minute on the timer.”

Anna only really payed attention to the latter, so she reached forward and added one more minute.

“People think Jere Bear and I are a thing, huh?”

“We don’t exactly look like twins,” Jeremy pointed out. He was right. She took after grandmother, the baptist one. He looked more like their mom.

“But still… They saw Spring Awakening too, didn’t they?”

“Tori!”

“You guys had better chemistry than Robbie and Lilette-“

“ _ Tori _ .”

“Just sayin’,” She sang.

“Do you still like him?” Anna asked suddenly.

“What do you mean?”

“She wants to know if you’re still down to bang Simon.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Tori grinned. “Whatever. Do you still want to kiss him? Is that better?”

The timer sounded, and Jeremy removed the pasta from heat. Tori took it, and dumped out the water in the sink.

“He’s still cute, yes. But he’s also a mess, so who knows. What I do know is that I get to kiss him at least five times during this show, so…”

“So should we be expecting him over for family dinners anytime soon?”

“His intensely Catholic parents are already opposed to the gay. Imagine if they heard about the half jewish, half baptist children of divorce.”

The last word kind of slipped out, and Jeremy immediately regretted it. Their parents’ situation was not taken lightly, even when they were just joking around.

It was uncomfortably silent for a few moments, before Tori quickly asked, “Alfredo or Marinara sauce?”

“Alfredo,” Jeremy and Anna said at once.

“I’m disappointed, but not surprised.”

“As usual, when it comes to me,” Jeremy joked.

“Oh, shush you.” Tori ruffled his hair, and went to grab a can of sauce from the pantry.

Jeremy smiled, slightly. He was safe here, for now. Safe here until his parents came home, and their constant fighting invaded every part of their life. Safe until things started falling apart again.

 

*****

 

Robbie gently pushed the hospice door room open. It was strange, seeing her in a new place, after so many days spent in the old one.

It was more strange, though, seeing his mother like that. Seeing his mother dying.

“Hey, mama,” He whispered. She was wide awake, and he didn’t have to keep his voice down, but it had become a force of habit after all of the late night rehearsals and the friday night football games.

“Hey, sweetie.”

“You doing okay?”

“Yes, baby, just like I was yesterday, and the day before that.”

Robbie laughed, quietly, but the room was a bit too suffocating for more than just a small chuckle.

“Um, I brought Chinese,” He quickly changed the subject. “I thought maybe we could eat dinner together, and, uh, Lilette asked if she could join us.”

“Join us?”

“Video chat.”

His mom grinned. “Of course she can. I’ve missed her.”

Robbie blushed lightly at that. He’d missed her too.

He quickly set the laptop, his mom’s dinner, and his chinese food up on the table that hung over his mom’s bed, and settled in.

And then he called Lilette.

It hadn’t even rung three full times before she answered. Her hair was in a messy bun, and she had a light great crew neck on. In her hands, she clutched a chinese takeout container.

“Hey!” Lilette beamed at the two of them.

Robbie’s mom grinned. “Hello, angel.” That was Lilette’s nickname, ever since Robbie insisted that she sang like an angel. And everytime she heard it, Lilette turned a violent shade of red.

“Hi, mama,” And that’s what Lilette called her, after Robbie insisted she could.

“Did you get the role?”

Lilette beamed. “You’re looking at the Mimi in the All-Pennsylvania Production of Rent!”

“Oh my god, Lilette!” Robbie exclaimed, his excitement for his girlfriend bubbling over into his voice. “When did you find out?”

“Yesterday, but I wanted to wait until we were face to face to tell you guys.”

“Sweetie, I’m so proud of you,” Robbie’s mom grinned. “You better get us front row seats, okay?”

“Of course. I’m so excited for you guys to see it, and Gwen’s gonna play Maureen too so I’m positive I can sneak you guys backstage at some point, if you want.” Lilette looked at Robbie. “How about you? How’s rehearsal going?”

“Awesome, but, uh, I miss you.”

Lilette’s smile dipped. “Same. Philadelphia is huge… I miss home, and you, and Simon… Speaking of Simon, how is he?”

Robbie frowned. “You haven’t talked?”

Lilette shook her head, her expression unreadable. “Uh, no, we’ve been busy…”

“Oh, well, he’s good. He got one of the leads, Jason, which is awesome.”

“Jason? Like, ‘You and I’ Jason?”

“Yeah, that Jason.”

“Oh, uh…” On her end, her phone started ringing. She looked at the screen quickly, frowning, before turning it off. “Why don’t we talk about something else?” She suggested eagerly, as she looked back to them. “Tell me how track’s going.”

Robbie studied her skeptically. “You sure you want to talk about sports?”

“Of course. I want to hear about everything, Robbie Thorne.”

“So do I,” Robbie’s mom agreed.

Robbie hesitated a moment, before starting with, “Well, coach decided that he wants me running in the fastest team for the four by four as our first runner, so I’ve started training pretty hard for that….”

 

*****

 

Simon set down his phone. Lilette didn’t pick up again. He felt like he was losing his best friend.

 

*****

 

To Casey’s neighbors, Jo probably looked like a cliche straight out of a John Hugh’s movie. It was their usual place to meet in the mornings: Jo would drive her to school, and they’d alternate bringing breakfast to each other to make everyone’s life easier.

Today, along with a box of donuts from Casey’s favorite place in Pittsburgh, Jo clutched a bouquet of flowers. She got lucky, since her girlfriend was a hopeless romantic, and couldn’t resist the pull of roses.

Casey tiptoed barefoot onto the porch, and leaned against the railing.

“I thought I was going to have to throw rocks at the window,” Jo joked, but it didn’t make it through the tension that hung in the air like smoke.

“Is this an apology?” Casey questioned harshly.

“Yes.”

She eyed her suspiciously. “What’s in the box?”

“Donuts. From Greta’s.”

“And the flowers?”

“Roses.” Jo was starting to feel antsy. This had to work. It just had to.

Casey hesitated. “Are you going to leave the role as is?”

“Huh?”

Slowly, Casey crept down the porch stairs. “Are you going to change the lines still? Or will you just accept it?”

Jo gulped, and looked down. Casey knew instantly that she felt bad for lying, but that only made it worse. “Yeah, uh, I think so.”

“Jo.”

“I said, I think so, Casey!” She snapped suddenly. “I’ll try it like it is now, okay?”

Casey froze. “Jo, I-“

“I’m sorry, I don’t… I don’t know what I was saying. This whole deal, with playing a lead, it just has me on edge, ya know?”

“Jo.”

“Casey.”

“Are you lying to me?”

Jo gulped, slightly. She really had no poker face. “Huh?”

“About this.”

“Of course not. I don’t lie to you.”

_ “You’ve been lying,” _ is what Casey so desperately wanted to say. She instead gulped the words down, and awkwardly asked, “Did you maybe get a sprinkle donut?”

Jo grinned. “Yeah, duh. Go get your stuff, and I’ll meet you in the car with them in a few, okay?”

“Fine.” As she turned to head back inside, she stopped. “And while I’m at it, stop being cute. It makes being mad so damn hard.” It was dangerous, especially since Casey didn’t know what was going on, but she couldn’t stop herself.

Jo leaned against her car and watched her go, wondering if she really wanted her to come back out.

 

*****

 

Everyone stood on the stage, except for Simon, as they finished running Epiphany. Francis stood in front of them, ending the song.

Before they could break, however, Lou called, “Keep it up, into You and I.”

Jeremy fumbled with his script, turning through the pages to the music. He knew the song, sure, but not well enough. And not with the blocking that Tracey had hastily outlined with them the other day.

He quickly knelt on the stage and folded his hands. “Hail Mary, full of Grace,” He recited, “The lord is with the. Blessed are thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.” Jeremy stood, and paced to the front of the stage.

Simon crept on, and, out of the corner of his eye, Jeremy could see how uncomfortable he looked.

“Hey, little boy,” Simon sang to Jeremy. “Would you like a ride, a lollipop, a puppy?” Jeremy didn’t turn around. “How about a baseball bat, there’s one in my pants.”

“No thank you,” Jeremy replied. “My mom, she said to never talk to strangers.” He finally turned, and found himself face to face with Simon. The brunette looked so concerned. It threw him off.

“Kiss is out of the question then?”

“I’ll take that chance.”

Neither of them leaned in. Instead, they just kind of stared at each other. If he wanted to, Jeremy could kiss Simon so easily. But he didn’t want to. Not like this. Not when Simon looked like it might kill him.

“So where were you?” Jeremy continued, but it was too late. They’d missed the music cue, and Tracey was already giving them concerned looks from the second row. “Online?”

“Asle-“

“Okay, okay, stop,” Mr. Mazzu called. He looked at Tracey. “They were perfect during Pilgrim's Hands. What happened?”

“Let’s take a break, everyone!” She called, before glancing at Lou. “It’s Simon, Lou. I warned you about this.”

“So what do we do?”

“There’s nothing we can do.”

 

*****

 

**From: Mom**

**Babe, Doctor Harris called. He wants to wait until after the show to start your hormone therapy. Thoughts?**

Michael picked his phone up quickly. “So I’m thinking we go with… uh… orange and, uh…” He faded out as his eyes scanned the text.

“And?” Sasha asked leaning forward. “Everything okay?” They were at lunch, discussing the rather late winter formal next month.

“What?” Michael looked up. Before she could see anything, he dropped the phone face down onto the table. “Orange, and maybe blue for formal?”

“Michael?” She frowned. “Are you okay?”

“Totally, I just… It’s nothing. My sister just got in trouble with my parents for not cleaning and apparently they’re ready to come for me too, ugh.”

“Oh.”

“So, orange and blue?”

She shrugged. “I don’t really care. Up to you.”

“Sash, are you okay?”

Hesitantly, she shook her head. “The whole Ivy thing was helping, for a bit, and then I started thinking about how Ivy was a perfect girl’s name, and so is Nadia and…” Her eyes were brimming with tears. “I just really wish that… God, I can’t do this, Michael. This hurts so much.” She gulped. “I might quit the show.”

“What? But you love this.”

“I don’t feel like it anymore. It makes everything worse.”

Michael took her hand, and drew little circles over it slowly. “I’m worried about you.” Every word was drawn out, cautious. He didn’t want her to close off even more to him.

“What?”

“Right now, it seems like there’s this veil between you and the rest of us. You barely smile, and when you do, it always seems forced, like you’re trying so hard to be someone else for me. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you actually happy.”

In fact, he could pinpoint the last time, back at the doctors’ office. But he refrained from mentioning that.

“I just can’t be. I feel like everything’s gone and all I have is empty space.”

Michael squeezed his girlfriend’s hand. “Have you talked to anyone about it?”

“You,” she answered blatantly.

“What about your dad? Or Ms. Wolfe?” Sasha shook her head.

“Dad’s been busy with his new job, and Ms. Wolfe…” Ms. Wolfe could lose her job if she got too involved. He knew it, she knew it. It hung over their heads like the idea of having to raise a baby at 15 had so long ago. “And anyway, I don’t know if I can.”

“What about my dad?” Michael suggested. “Or one of his coworkers? I used to go to Dr. Franklin for my anxiety and it really helped.”

Sasha bit her lip. “Maybe. I have to think about it, okay?”

Michael stared at her, attempting to judge her sincerity. She seemed honest enough about considering it, and that worked for him.

“Of course, Sasha. I don’t want you doing anything you’re uncomfortable with, ever.”

She smiled, weakly, and looked down at the table. “Thanks.”

 

*****

 

Jeremy, Tori, and Anna held hands under the table, as they squeezed themselves into a booth across from their parents. They hadn’t eaten dinner together since their parents announced that they were separating, and it was not a joyous occasion.

“So, Anna, any news on the spring show?” His dad asked awkwardly.

“We’re doing Seussical,” She answered uncomfortably. With her freehand, she messed with her silverware. “I’m not surprised, just disappointed.” Sarcasm laced her voice, but no one laughed.

“Are you going out for the show or doing tech?” His mom asked, also messing with her silverware. Like mother like daughter.

“Yeah, Anna, which twin will you be this time?” Tori cut in. The twins started cracking up, along with their mom.

Mr. Travers frowned. “Come on, Tor, not cool.”

“She isn’t wrong,” Ms. Travers argued.

“Yes she is. Anna is her own person.”

“Oh, drop the perfect parent act. We both know you were thinking it too.”

“No I wasn’t!”

“Oh, come on!”

Their voices were rising at an uncomfortable rate, and Jeremy had no choice but to try and diffuse the situation before it got too huge to stop. “Hey, uh, you know, guys, I heard from someone Tori might be taking over lights, since our old guy left.”

Tori looked ready to kill him, and from the way she was squeezing his hand, she was. “Oh, it’s no big deal.”

“Yes it is!” Jeremy silently pleaded with her.

_ Shut up and go with it _ , He said with his eyes.

_ But I don’t want their attention _ , She answered.

_ I don’t want the rest of the restaurant’s attention! _

_ Jere. _

_ Please. _

“Fine,” She answered him aloud. “Mr. Mazzu said that, since I spend so much time with Jere after school, he may have me work lights for show.”

“Sweetheart!” Their mom cried out. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

Awkwardly, with two hands weighing her arms down, she shrugged. “Didn’t seem too important.”

Their server came by with drinks. “Three waters,” She said, setting down one glass each in front of Jeremy’s parents, and Jeremy himself. “And… two lemonades,” She added, dropping the glasses in front of the girls. “Y’all ready to order?”

“A few more minutes?” Jeremy’s dad asked. The server gave him an bland smile, and left them.

Without notice, Tori released Jeremy’s hand to open her straw.

“Anyway, since Jeremy’s the lead in the show, I didn’t think lights is exactly glamorous.”

_ Seriously? _ Jeremy glared at her.

She laced her fingers through his.  _ Sucks to be blindsided, huh? _

_ Shut up _ .

“Oh, yeah, Jeremy, how is that going?” His dad leaned forward, though it looked a lot like he pretending to care.

“Great.”

“And what about that boy you’re acting with?” His mom asked. “Simon, right?”

“Mom…”

“Oh, come on, a mom can wonder.”

Jeremy shook his head. “He’s incredibly straight. And he’s Annabelle’s ex.”

“How about Annabelle?” His dad offered, much to Jeremy’s annoyance. “She’s cute.”

“She’s my best friend.”

“I’d date Annabelle,” Tori cut in.

“Well you’re desperate,” Anna offered.

“I’m just saying,” Their dad continued. “You should ask her to formal.”

Jeremy rolled his eyes. “What about you, Tori? Any idea who you’ll ask?”

She glared at him. “Probably Francis or Harmony.”

“Like as dates or friends?” Anna asked awkwardly.

“Dates, obviously.”

“Why can’t just one of you be straight,” Their dad said under his breath. Despite that, the entire table heard it, and the entire table went silent. Under the table, Tori’s hands tightened to a death grip.

“Could you not, maybe?” Their mom hissed.

“Not what, Susan?”

“If you have a problem with our children, you can leave.”

“What was that you said about the perfect parent act? Huh?”

“This is not the same, and you know that!”

Anna and the twins huddled closer together, their knuckles white from how hard they were clinging to each other. They were used to the constant screaming that went on between their parents, but it didn’t make it any less terrifying when it happened.

“I just wanted one night, you know?” Tori whispered.

“Yeah, I do,” Jeremy whispered back. “I do.”

 

*****

 

Jo stared at her math homework for the billionth time, but the numbers were uselessly swirling through her mind. She couldn’t focus, no matter how hard she tried.

“Goddamnit,” She mumbled, finally closing her text book. Quickly, she stood up, and grabbed her bag.

It was only ten. It wasn’t too late.

Her keys weren’t in their usual spot, and for a few moments, she fumbled around her kitchen in the dark to find them. And then she was out the door, heading for her car.

She didn’t know his address, so first she stopped at Gwen’s house. They’d been sneaking out of that place since they were ten, so all it took was a quick text to summon Gwen.

“I have a calc test tomorrow,” She mumbled, climbing into the driver’s seat.

“I have to go accept a role, and apparently we go to Mr. Mazzu’s house to do that.” Jo pulled up her GPS app. “What’s his address?”

“Couldn’t you just text me about that?”

“But I miss you.”

“Really?”

“And I wanted to piss your dad off.” Gwen rolled her eyes, and grabbed the phone out of her hand. Quickly, she punched in the address, and hit go. 

Jo made a face, and pulled the phone back. She peeled off of the curb. “How are you guys doing, by the way?”

Gwen shrugged, and leaned back into the seat. “We’re talking again. I may be staying at his place, when my mom goes out of town next month.”

“But not before that?”

“I don’t know. He kind of screwed everything up, and I don’t really want to make up and pretend we’re fine.”

Jo nodded. “No, no, I get it. Yeah.” After that, the car filled with comfortable silence. There was nothing except for the warm rumble of the engine, the robotic GPS instructions, and the occasional clicking of the turn signal.

It was 10:15 when Jolene pulled into the Mazzu’s driveway. She hopped out of the car, and headed for the door.

Much to her surprise, his wife answered the door.

“Can I help you?” She asked. What was her name again? Gail, maybe?

“Hi, uh, I’m one of your husband’s students,” She explained quickly. “Well, I’m actually his drama student. I don’t have class with him.”

Gail shifted awkwardly. “Oh, he isn’t home right now. He stayed late after practice. But would you like to come in?”

Of course he wasn’t there. She should’ve just emailed him. Jolene looked back at her car, at her best friend, and shook her head. “No thank you. I have to drive my friend home. But could you tell him Jolene stopped by, and that she’ll take the role?”

“You’re Jolene?” Her eyes widened. “I mean, of course I can.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Jo started to slowly back away. “Good night, Mrs. Mazzu.”

“Good night.”

 

*****

 

Simon was finally getting ready for bed. It was late, too late, and he felt exhausted as he slowly shuffled to the bathroom to wash his face. Out of a habit developed back when he religiously watched Disney Channel and felt it necessary to promote Friends for Change, he turned off his lamp as he left.

Since no one else was up, he didn’t bother to turn on the lights in the bathroom. He was just starting to lather the soap on his hands when he heard it: the light click of the opening of a nearby door, and the dragging of feet. He slowly crept to his door and peered into the darkness.

Simon watched in horror as his dad tiptoed across the landing, to the stairs. It didn’t take long for him to realize where he was going. His dad had been sleeping on the couch in his study for about a month now, and Simon knew it. He’d just never seen him sneak down there. Mr. Saunders was desperately trying to keep up his perfect marriage front, even to his kids. But Simon saw right through it, after sixteen years of it.

Suddenly, Simon felt like he wasn’t supposed to be there anymore. He rinsed the soap off of his hands, and, without washing his face, headed back to his room.

 

*****

 

Jolene pulled up on the curb in front of Gwen’s house. “Alright, we’re here. Thanks.”

Gwen hesitated, and then looked over. “Do you think maybe I could spend the night at your house?”

“Huh?”

“My mom still isn’t home yet.”

“Oh… I mean, yeah, totally.”

She grinned. “I’ll go pack then, okay?” Slowly, Gwen shoved the door open.

“Don’t forget that stupid Thrasher sweatshirt!” Jo reminded her.

 

*****

 

Robbie sat next to his mom while she slept. It was early in the morning, and he wasn’t supposed to be there, but the nurse let him in for a few minutes.

She was so peaceful, so real. Every rise and fall of her chest looked natural, healthy. She wasn’t, but for a few short moments he could pretend. And then reality crashed through, reminding him that she could be gone in a second.

He gulped, and grabbed his bag. He was going to be late.

 

*****

 

Lilette’s phone buzzed while she was getting ready. Simon again.

**From: Simon**

**hey, suarez, how did all state go?**

She stared at it for a moment, and then, hesitantly, cleared the text out.

As she set the phone down, she blinked back tears. She wanted so desperately to talk to her best friend, she did. And every fiber in her being told her to call him. But if she heard his voice again, she’d probably be on the next train home.

“Lilette!” Her mom called. “I made pancakes!”

Lilette could do this. She could stay strong.

She wiped the tears from her eyes and got up. “Coming!”

 

*****

 

Jeremy gave Tori’s hand a quick squeeze, and watched as his sister crossed the busy hallway to where Francis and Harmony usually met her. She was going to ask them to formal. And Jeremy still didn’t know what he was doing.

“You want to go together?” Jeremy asked Annabelle, who was leaning against the locker next to him.

“No,” She answered decisively.

“Yeah, I figured as much.”

“You can ask him, you know.”

Jeremy frowned. “Who?”

“Simon.”

“What?”

“I’ve seen you look at him.”

“Annabelle, come on.”

She crossed her arms. “I’m over him. Are you?”

And then she was gone. And Jeremy was alone.

 

*****

 

“I called the therapist you recommended,” Sasha informed Michael as they walked to class.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I can't get in for a few weeks, but I’m going.”

Michael grinned. “I’m really proud of you, Sasha.”

She looked away awkwardly. “Thanks.”

 

*****

 

Simon put the last of his books in his locker. He looked up, slowly, just in time to see the flash of blond hair, the piece of flannel. Just in time to see Jeremy.

His heartbeat sped up, slightly. He quickly squeezed his eyes shut, and closed his locker. His dad was sleeping on the couch downstairs because of him.

And yet he still couldn’t stop thinking about Jeremy Travers and his goddamn blue eyes.

He slammed the locker shut, and walked away.


	4. understudies episode 2

“And… Action!” Violet called out, giggling. She slammed her arm down against her other, for lack of a better marker.

“Karen!” Clark randomly yelled, running across the set. In his arms, he held a huge Plankton stuffed animal.

“Don’t you-“ Gwen began, before she was cut off by him slamming the toy against her. “You bitch!”

“Come at me bro!” He yelled, before running off.

“Wait, Clark!” Lexi yelled from behind the camera. “Stop!”

 

*****

 

“And… Action!”

Michael tapped Annabelle’s shoulder, according to the blocking

“Excuse me, old sport,” Michael said in a fake british accent. 

“What?”

“Do you know where the city is, old sport?”

Annabelle started giggling uncontrollably.

“Is… Is that scripted?” She managed.

“Michael is an american,” Lexi explained. “And he’s not Gatsby. So, no. Just start from the beginning.”

Michael slumped. “Just let me  _ live _ Lexi.”

 

*****

 

“And… Action!”

“Hey hey, you you!” Harmony started scream-singing. “I don’t like your girlfriend.”

Francis jumped into the shot, and in the same tune, continued. “Yeah, yeah, you, you, we actually have the same one.”

“Wait wait!”

“Yeah, yeah?”

“Does that make me your girlfriend?”

Lexi groaned. “No, that just makes you fired!” She called.

Harmony froze. “Don’t you dare. I need this job.”

“Uh huh. Then actually work please and thank you.”

 

*****

 

“And… Action!”

Casey raised her hand. “Wait, I’m so sorry, but uh which side am I supposed to exit through?”

“Left,” Violet answered, before joining Lexi behind the camera.

“Thank you. I’m such a mess today.”

“Casey, you’re the only one taking this seriously,” Lexi pointed out. “So you’re golden in my eyes.”

She beamed at the camera girl, and then took her place.

“Alright,” Violet called. “Should we stop or-“

“No, let’s keep rolling, okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big announcement: today was my first day back at school this year, so i will now be posting an episode every two (2) weeks, with an understudies episode in between. I just can’t keep up with 6500 words an episode per week plus homework. I’ll let y’all know if this changes though!


	5. Episode 3: No More Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi this is late. school’s insane and i’m super far behind on writing. i’m sorry.

The sun was barely coming up as Gordy rolled down Main Street, Kaitlin asleep in the seat next to him. Some country song droned quietly through the speakers, but it was too quiet to make out any of the words.

The car sped past the town limits, past the weathered sign that declared, “Thank you for visiting Stanton! Come back soon!”

“Hey, Kaity?” Gordy whispered. His sister didn’t move. He jostled her shoulder slightly. Her eyes flickered open. “Kaity, can you tell me where I’m going?”

“Huh?”

“Directions.”

“Oh, uh, yeah, one second.” She fumbled for her phone and pulled up the directions that they had googled before they left. “Okay, so when we get to… Kent Road, turn right.”

“Kait, we passed Kent Road like ten minutes ago.”

“Whoops.”

Gordy sighed. “I’m turning around, don’t worry.”

About ten minutes later, they were speeding down Kent Road, with Kaitlin dutifully reading directions out whenever they passed another winding country road. Her phone buzzed, suddenly, just as they were passing a dirt trail titled Woodburn Road.

“It’s him,” Kaitlin said quickly. “His mom’s got work in half an hour, so unless we get there before then, we don’t get to meet her.”

“Did you want to meet her?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know, I guess?”

“Because you want him back?”

Kaitlin hesitated, before admitting, “Yeah. I just really want him to come home.”

“Alright, Kait, we are here to visit, not to forcefully pull him from his home.”

“But-“

“Kait.”

“Fine!” She cried, crossing her arms. In a huff, she faced the window and refused to look at him.

By the time they pulled into the driveway of the small, crumbly ranch that was apparently their destination, she had cooled down incredibly.

“Are you sure this is the address?” Gordy asked.

She checked the phone again. “786 Mull?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, right place.”

It looked empty, except for the light that glimmered through the window. Gordy opened his door, and slowly climbed out. He waited patiently for Kaitlin to join him.

“Ladies first?” She asked quietly.

“I guess.”

“Then lead the way.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Is there something wrong with that?”

He punched her shoulder, lightly, but obliged. Slowly but surely, he headed for the forlorn front stairs, and climbed to the door, Kaitlin close behind. And then he stood there, staring at the door, still as unsure as before. Finally, Kaitlin leaned past him and rapped her knuckles against the door.

For a moment, nothing happened. And then the door opened, and he was there.

Same bed head curls. Same shiny blue eyes. Same lopsided smile that made Kaitlin’s heart do cartwheels.

“Maashous!” She exclaimed, hurling herself at him. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and pressed her head against his chest. He was so warm.

“Hey,” He answered quietly, as he slowly hugged back.

Gordy grinned. “Hey, man.”

Maashous smiled up at him. “Hi.”

Kaitlin slowly released him from her death grip, and stepped back. “Should we tell him?” She looked at Gordy.

Maashous awkwardly hovered at the edge of the doorway, before stepping out to join them. “Tell me what, exactly?”

“Kaitlin?” Gordy asked, looking at her.

She smiled. “Stanton Drama is back!”

Maashous’s eyes widened. “Wait, what?”

Before Kaitlin could start word vomiting the story, Gordy pointed behind them to his car. “Why don’t we go get some breakfast and talk on the way?”

Having lived with the eighth grader for a year, Maashous picked up on Gordy’s idea pretty quickly, and agreed. “There’s a little diner in town that’s incredible,” He offered. “How does that sound?”

“Perfect,” Kaitlin said without hesitation. “Just perfect.”

 

*****

 

“Okay, everyone!” Mr. Mazzu called. “Jolene has decided to come back to our production!”

Everyone started clapping, and Jolene hopped up to fake bow.

“With that in mind,” He continued, “I’d like to start today with our first real run of Plain Jane you-know-the-rest and-“

“You mean Plain Jane Fatass?” Jolene asked with mock innocence.

“You know I did,” He answered, annoyed at the blonde.

“No I didn’t!”

He stared at her for a moment, trying to read her. It didn’t work. “Whatever. Just get in your place.”

Without skipping a beat, Jolene rushed to stage left, and settled into her character.

“Alright, then we need… Simon and Sasha on stage right.”

Simon let her go first and then followed closely to their spot.

“I just want to see how this goes, as is, okay?”

“Isn’t Jeremy supposed to be in this too?” Sasha asked as she slipped into her spot. “I’m supposed to exit with him.”

“It’s in the script!” Jo added. She was the only one who was still on book for act one.

“He wasn’t able to stay for practice today,” Mr. Mazzu explained. “So we’re gonna try it without him.”

“Oh.”

“So whenever you guys are ready.”

Sasha nodded slowly, and sunk into her character. “Hey, Romeo,” She said sweetly, “You coming?”

Simon awkwardly looked over his shoulder to Jo and shook his head. “In a sec.”

Sasha slipped off stage, leaving Jo and Simon alone.

“Congratulations, Romeo!” She called, and Simon turned to face her. “Dad’ll be excited.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I’m looking forward to that conversation.”

“Now, don’t forget that behind every great man is a dimwitted sister who just wants to be fed. Nurse, who knew?” She stepped towards him, her arms crossed defensively. “I thought for sure I’d get peasant number 8, or jolly spinstress number 3.”

“I know you have more confidence in your acting abilities than that-“

“Stop!” Mr. Mazzu called. Both teens froze. “This looks awful, if I’m being completely honest.”

“What?” Simon asked in shock.

“You guys need to dig into this!” The director explained enthusiastically. “This audience needs to believe that you guys are siblings. That you really grew up together.”

“How are we supposed to do that?” Jo snapped. “We don’t even look like siblings.”

That shut Mr. Mazzu up but not for very long. “You two, go run the scene for a little while n the green room. We’ll work on Epiphany and 911! Emergency! until then, okay?”

“Don’t we need Peter for those songs?” Harmony asked.

“Just for blocking. Sasha, are you okay to stand in for him?”

She raised her eyebrows, and then slowly nodded.

“Beautiful.” He turned back to Jo and Simon. “I’ll see you two in about half an hour.”

 

*****

 

If running the scene on stage wasn’t awkward enough, running it alone in the green room was even worse.

“Why can’t the fat girl play Juliet?” Jo belted. “It’s the plumpest of roles, so then why not be me?”

“It’s just a stupid show,” Simon sang-replied without enthusiasm.

Jo stared at him for a moment, and then stood. “This still isn’t working.”

“Did you really expect it to?”

“We don’t know each other well enough,” She reasoned, as she flopped down on the couch.

Hesitantly, Simon perched on the arm of it. “Well, how do we get to know each other more?”

“I don’t know! I’ve never had a lead before.” She crossed her arms. “What did you and Jeremy talk about?”

He shrugged. “We didn’t really talk.”

“Too busy making out?”

Simon’s eyes widened. Did someone know about the two of them? And the parking lot? And the fact that Simon was… Well, Simon wasn’t what his dad wanted.

“We’re not… I’m not…”

“Not gay?” Jo finished.

“Yeah.”

“Oh, okay. Sorry.” She didn’t seem too convinced.

“You know about me and Annabelle, don’t you?”

“I know you were a very unconvincing couple, and that you left her half naked and broken hearted.”

“That’s not true.”

“Which part?”

“We were a fine couple.”

Jo rolled her eyes. “Other than the lack of hand holding, kissing, and general affection.”

“So I don’t like PDA. Why do you even care?”

She swung her legs off of the couch, and patted the spot next to her. “Come here.”

Slowly, he slid onto the cushion next to her.

“Do you know my girlfriend Casey?”

“Yeah, we had gym together.”

“Her parents are mormon, so imagine how they felt when she came out.”

“Oh.”

Jolene smiled, slightly. “I’m going to tell you what I told her: ‘if they don’t love you for who you are, then they never really loved you.’”

“My parents love me,” Simon argued.

“I never said they didn’t.”

Simon’s heart sunk. He wasn’t supposed to say that. It slipped out.

“I thought… Well, you know…”

“I get it, Si,” Jolene cut him off. “What I’m trying to say is that you can talk to me about anything. And, now that you’re figuratively my little brother, if something happens, I’m blaming myself. Now, let’s focus on the scene.”

His stomach felt like he had drank poison. And maybe he had. Maybe the poison went down when he accepted his role. And this was all side effects.

“Okay, what line do you want to start with?” He asked, shaking himself out of it.

“Maybe the ‘mom’, ‘dad’ part?”

“Yeah, yeah. That works.”

Simon took on Jason’s persona. “Why are you so hard on yourself?” He asked, sincerely.

“Why are you such an overachiever?” She shot back. “Mom,” she snarled.

“Dad,” Simon spoke over her.

Jolene broke character, and smiled. “Wait. that actually sounded pretty good.”

“You think?”

“Yeah. I do.”

Simon smiled. His stomach didn’t hurt so much anymore.

 

*****

 

Tracey shifted uncomfortably under Principal Ward’s gaze. She shouldn’t have been there. This shouldn’t have been an issue.

“Do you understand this issue?” He asked.

She shook her head. “Actually, no.”

“Tracey, this is not sanctioned by the district!”

“This isn’t funded by the district either.” Ward frowned at her, waiting for her to elaborate. When she realized that was the only answer she would get until she further explained herself, she did. “We made about seven thousand dollars in ticket sales from opening night of Spring Awakening.”

“The district took that money, Tracey.”

“No, they gave the money to the arts programs at the school. And since about two thousand of it has gone untouched, I talked to the superintendent and he seemed to have no issue with us using it to give back to the arts. You said we had to sustain ourselves, and we are.”

“Tracey, Stanton Drama has been shut down for months now. You cannot go behind my back, behind the superintendent’s back-“

“But you know about it now,” She pointed out.

“I won’t approve it!”

Tracey pursed her lips. “With all due respect, Bare is a perfectly innocent show. This is being blown out of proportions, in my opinion.”

Principal Ward pulled out a copy of the script and score of the show. “Violent eating disorders, teen pregnancy, obscene language, as well as the very prominent portrayal of a gay relationship.”

Tracey leaned forward. “These kids deal with this stuff every day. It’s our job to let them know that they are okay, that they can get through it. Just let us do this show.”

Ward shifted back into his seat. “You get half of what’s left for the budget. That’s it.”

“Thank you. You won’t regret this.”

 

*****

 

Jo and Casey snuggled together on Jo’s couch while they studied for their upcoming AP Bio test. Casey’s hand casually played with her girlfriend’s curls, and tried to act natural, but her heart was pounding.

“Okay, what are the male reproductive organs called in the flower?” Jolene asked, looking down at her book.

“Hey, Jo?” She asked slowly.

“Yeah?” Jo shifted slightly, her hair slipping from Casey’s fingers.

“Uh…” She took a deep breath.

“What’s up?”

Casey exhaled, and pushed the words out. “Why did you lie to me about the show?”

She frowned. “Lie? When did I lie?”

“Gwen told me you quit.”

“I didn’t quit, Case.”

Casey wanted to believe her. She really did. But she couldn’t. “You did. You quit. And you didn’t tell me. You just kept lying to me and lying to me and it hurt every time because I knew. God, I knew…”

It didn’t dawn on Casey that she was crying until Jo started wiping the tears from her cheeks. “Case,” She mumbled. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I just didn’t know how to tell you and-“

“You could’ve just said so. I would understand.”

“I didn’t know if you would. I was just so scared you’d hate me after that.”

“I could never hate you, Jo. I love you.” They didn’t say that often enough anymore.

“I love you too, Case. I’m so sorry.”

“I forgive you,” Casey whispered. Then, she leaned forward and kissed Jo. “And it’s the stamen, to answer your earlier question.”

“What?”

“Male reproductive organs in a flower?”

“Oh, uh, yeah.”

Casey giggled and kissed her again. “See, I know my stuff.”

“Well, you know, this is why I keep you around.”

“Yep, I got it.”

“Wonderful.”

Casey’s smile slipped a bit. “No more lies from now on though, okay?”

“Of course.”

“Good.”

 

*****

 

The Mazzuchelli family sat around the dinner table, discussing their days. Kaitlin passed her mother a bowl of salad, before starting into the revelation she’d had during lunch today.

“So, I was thinking about when we went to see Maashous this weekend,” She began.

“Shocker,” Gordy mumbled, which earned him a glare from Gail.

“What was that?” She asked, like she was disappointed but not surprised.

“She hasn’t talked about anything but since we left.”

“Shut up!” Kaitlin said.

“Kaitlin and Maashous, sitting in a tree,” Sadie sang.

“Sadie,” Gail frowned at her. “Kaitlin, what were you going to say?”

“Well, I was thinking that maybe Maashous could come back and do the lights for the show! I mean, he’s only a bus ride away and he could spend the night here sometimes and-“

“Honey,” Lou cut in. “Right now, Ms. Wolfe and I aren’t even sure if the show will be happening right now.”

“What?” Gail, Kaitlin, and Gordy all spoke at the same time, with the same amount of shock.

“You didn’t tell me about this,” Gail continued.

“You know that, when they shut us down, it was between me and the club, and they chose me,” He explained. “Since we figured out our own form of funding for this show, we thought we could get away with it.”

“Are you going to get fired?” Kaitlin asked.

“No, but we could lose the club again.”

“But can Maashous come back if nothing goes wrong?”

“I don’t know. I really hope so.”

Kaitlin look down at her plate, and lightly pushed a piece of food around. “Yeah, uh, so do I.”

 

*****

 

**From: Jeremy**

**Hey, Simon, I’ve missed a lot of practices for family stuff recently. Think we could run lines soon?**

Simon stared at his phone in horror. It was one stupid text but it felt like a whole scandal. His stomach turned. He quickly sent back the bomb emoji, before turning it off.

He shoved his phone into his pocket, and padded downstairs. “Mom?” He called.

“In the family room!” She answered. “I’m just folding some laundry.”

He rounded the corner at the bottom of the stairs and headed in to join her. “Can I help?”

“I’d love that. Just, take your time, okay? It’s your dad’s laundry, and you know how he gets if it isn’t folded perfectly.” She was joking, of course, but there was a certain sadness beneath it. Simon tried to ignore it.

“So, how’s work going?” He asked, as he picked up an undershirt.

“I’ve got some tough kids this year.”

“Really?”

“I have a little girl who somehow knows some crude signage and decided to teach the rest of my kids. Let’s just say a lot of mothers weren’t pleased to have their children signing  _ bitch. _ ” That last part was signed, with her hastily pressing the B shape to her chin.

“How do they even know what it is?”

“They don’t, which made it worse.”

Simon finished folding the shirt and placed it on the small pile his mom had already started. He grabbed the next one.

“What about you?” Mrs. Saunders asked. “How’s the show?”

Simon gulped. Did she know? Could she sense him, hear the ticking as his clock ran down? “It’s great,” He lied. “And I’m so happy to be back.”

“I’m happy for you,” She said. “And I can’t wait to see you up on that stage again. You really came alive during Spring Awakening.”

Simon hadn’t heard either of his parents discuss the show since it closed. “What?”

“You were great, sweetie. I was so proud of you.” She grabbed the last piece of clothing and folded it up in one fluid motion. It looked perfect. “Now, I’m gonna go put these away, and start dinner. Baked ziti sound good tonight?” She kissed his temple, and before he could answer, grabbed the laundry basket and left.

Simon was alone when his phone buzzed.

**From: Jeremy**

**We’re friends. Just friends.**

He wished that didn’t make his heart hurt as much as it did.

 

*****

 

Jeremy wasn’t at practice again. No, instead he was pacing the floor in front of the lawyers office, his hand pressing his phone to his cheek.

“Jere?”

“Annabelle, hey,” He breathed.

“You okay?”

“I just needed a breather,” He explained. “They were arguing over my grandfather’s coin collection when I left.”

“Yikes.”

Jeremy tried to laugh but it didn’t come out like one. “So, how’s rehearsal going today?”

“Jolene and Simon ran Plain Jane Fatass again.”

“Oof.”

“It wasn’t too bad, though. Actually, it was really good. I mean, obviously other than the whole Simon thing-”

“Have you talked to him at all since you broke up?” Jeremy wondered what she would say if she heard about them, about the parking lot.

“No, not really. I mean, I wish he’d acknowledge me at some point, but I don’t blame him too much.”

He leaned against the wall, pressing his shoulder into the wallpaper that covered it. “Anna, he left you half naked without a word of explanation.”

“Well, I mean, I saw him making out with some guy in the parking lot, so who are we kidding?” She joked. Jeremy froze.

“You what?”

“I didn’t tell you about that?”

“No.”

“So, like, a few days before the whole mill incident-“

“That you also failed to tell me about.”

“-Shut up. Anyway, I stopped in Ms. Herald’s room and I looked out the window, and there he was with some guy.”

“Who was it?” She knew, didn’t she? She had to.

“I don’t know. He looked a little like that senior from the golf team.”

“Ryan?”

“Yeah. How’d you know that?”

Jeremy’s eyes widened. He knew because he and Ryan apparently had very similar head backs, according to Ryan’s friends. “Uh, his brother was in school with Zach,” He lied. “And he’s the only senior that I know of who plays golf.”

“Those detective powers are on point.”

“I try.” Jeremy cleared his throat. “But you think he’s gay?”

“Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised. Who’d want to date me unless it was for beard purposes?” Her voice suddenly filled with self hate. Jeremy’s heart hurt.

“Shut up, right now. Tori and I have both asked you out in the past. Hell, we didn’t talk for a month because you said yes to me for your first seventh and eighth grade dance.”

“That’s different, Jeremy.”

“No, it isn’t. You’re incredible, Annabelle. And everyone knows it.”

“Jere.”

“Do I need to text the group chat to confirm?”

“Oh, shut up.”

“I’m texting the group chat.”

“Jeremy!”

“I’m doing it!”

He couldn’t hear how she responded because he pulled the phone from his ear and opened his messages app. There, on the screen, was his last text:

**To: Simon**

**We’re friends. Just friends.**

His gut twisted. He didn’t want to think about that, about what they had talked about during Spring Awakening. He quickly clicked the back button and pulled up their group chat with Michael, Harmony, Jolene, Clark, Francis, and Cheryl.

**To: theatre hoes**

**Is Annabelle totally gorgeous date material or am I crazy?**

Then he hit the home button and put his phone back up to his ear.

“There.”

“I actually can’t believe you.”

“Whoops.”

Jeremy’s phone buzzed, and he knew someone had responded.

“It’s Clark,” Annabelle said slowly. “He agrees.”

“See?”

“Whatever. I’ll see you in English tomorrow.”

“Sounds good. Love you.”

“Love you more.”

“Love you most.”

He hung up the phone, and jammed it into his pocket, before exhaling, and heading back towards the divorce lawyers’ office.

 

*****

 

Lou and Tori were talking about the lights when Annabelle slipped back into rehearsal. Jolene waved her over to where she was sitting with Clark and Cheryl.

“Hello, gorgeous human goddess,” Jolene said.

“Shut up,” Annabelle said quietly.

“She’s not wrong,” Clark argued.

“You are a queen,” Cheryl added.

“Whatever.” Annabelle shook her head. “What’s up? I thought we were only taking five?”

“Spotlight’s out.” Francis explained as he sat down next to Clark, and rested his head on his shoulder.

“Won’t both of your girlfriends get jealous about this?”

“You know I’m technically not dating either of them right?”

“Technically?”

“I’m not against it.”

“Oh, shut up.” Clark ruffled his hair.

“No homo, bro.” Jolene deadpanned.

“Was that Jeremy?” Cheryl asked. “On the phone?”

“Uh, yeah,” Annabelle answered. “Just wanted to see what he was up to.”

“Couldn’t you just, I don’t know,” Francis said, “ask Tori?”

Annabelle shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe? It’s whatever.” She looked over at her best friend’s twin, while she discussed their options with Mr. Mazzu.

Ms. Wolfe had left the two of them, and climbed onto the stage to discuss what was happening with the kids. “Hey, everyone, we’re going to call it a night for now, while we get this fixed. If I can keep Gwen, Cheryl, and Francis, though, I’d like to run the solo bits that you all have.”

Jolene punched Francis’s shoulder, and stood up. “Have fun, bitch.”

“Oh, and Jolene?” Tracey called. “I forgot, we’d like to work on Quiet Night at Home a bit, too, since you’ve missed so much.”

“What was that?” Francis asked Jo. “Did I just hear that you, too, are doomed to stay here forever and ever?”

“At least you two probably don’t have to run two solos,” Cheryl argued. “I’ll be here even later.”

“Is this my cue to go?” Annabelle stood up. “I’m guessing they don’t need their one line wonder here.”

“Diane Lane, the girl who brought the camcorder when no one else would,” Clark joked, also getting to his feet.

“Zac, my suggestion would be to stop breathing,” Cheryl said. Francis slipped his arm through hers.

“Shall we go to do nothing for an hour?”

“We shall.”

“I’m being excluded!” Jolene called from behind them, as they headed across the stage. She hurried after them.

“And then there were two,” Clark mumbled. “You got a ride Anna?”

“Yeah, uh, Tori’s taking me.” She glanced over to where the tech girl was discussing the current lighting situation. “But, I don’t think I’ll be leaving for a little bit.”

“Walk with me?”

“Sure.”

They headed out to the green room to grab their backpacks, and then through the backdoor to the student parking lot.

“How’s Jere doing, by the way?” Clark asked as they walked down the stairs.

“He’s okay,” She said. “I don’t know if he’s great, but he’s okay.”

“And his parents?”

Annabelle frowned. “What have you heard?”

“My one mom’s a legal assistant at this firm downtown and she said she saw them in there the other day.”

“Well, you know, they’re both lawyers, so I wouldn’t be surprised if-“

“It’s a divorce firm, Anna.”

“Oh.” She knew his parents were separating, knew about the meetings with lawyers. But as far as she could tell, she was the only one who was supposed to know.

“Yeah. Well, here we are.” His car was one of the last in the lot, and he whipped his keys out and unlocked it. “If you hear anything, let me know?”

“You know I won’t, Clark.”

He pulled his door open and slipped in. “Good. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Annabelle watched him pull away from the curb, and then she was alone.

 

*****

 

“And how long have you been feeling this way?” Dr. Franklin, Michael’s old therapist, asked Sasha.

She glanced at Michael, looking like a deer caught in headlights, before answering. “Maybe a month?”

“And this was after the….”

“Yes.”

“How long after?”

She glanced at Michael again. “About two weeks, I think.”

“Okay.” Dr. Franklin wrote something down on her notepad. She looked back up at the pair. “Listen, Sasha, what you’re going through is what we call situational depression. You can treat it with medication, but I think the best thing to do would to just have a few sessions every couple of weeks to talk about this stuff, and work through it together.”

“It’s what we used to do,” Michael explained to her. “I didn’t take anxiety meds or anything.”

“How expensive would it be?” Sasha asked. “My dad doesn’t have a ton of money right now, so…”

Dr. Franklin looked over at Michael. “We can do half sessions at the end of the day, and I won’t charge. You think that’ll drive your mom crazy?”

“If it were anyone else.”

“Nepotism, I see,” Dr. Franklin joked. “Well that’ll do it. We close at six, so can you get here at 5:30?”

“What days?” Michael asked for her.

“Tuesdays?”

“That works,” she said. “Rehearsals end at 5, so that should be good.”

“Great, I’ll put you down then.”

Sasha nodded. “Thank you for doing this.”

“It’s my pleasure.” He grinned at them.

Sasha nodded quickly, and jumped up to grab her stuff. Dr. Franklin nodded to Michael. “How have you been?”

“Good. Really good.”

“You excited to start hormone therapy?”

Sasha and Michael both froze.

“My mom told you about that?” He asked.

“Yeah. She’s really happy for you.”

“Oh, yeah. They say it’ll help me with my singing, I guess?”

“Really?” He said. “I mean, I saw Spring Awakening, and you were absolutely breathtaking. You both were.”

Sasha shouldered her backpack. “Thank you,” She said gruffly. “Michael was the real star though.”

“No way. You made people sob. Sash,” He stood to join her, silently pleading with her to stay quiet.

“So did you!” She got the message.

“Okay, sure.”

“Well, you both made me cry,” The doctor offered. “I’ll see you two on tuesday?”

“Of course,” Sasha answered.

“Can’t wait.”

 

*****

 

“Hormone therapy?” Sasha hissed as they walked out of the building.

“T, yeah.”

“You’re starting T? And you didn’t tell me?”

Michael frowned. “I don’t know if I am.”

“What?”

“It… it was my mom’s idea.”

Sasha glanced at him. “Michael?”

“What?”

She stepped out of the parking lot and onto the sidewalk. “Do you want to do this?”

He hesitated. “Of course.”

“Really?”

“...No.”

“Michael.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

She stopped and turned to him. “Michael, why didn’t you talk to me?”

“I didn’t know how to,” He admitted. “I didn’t even know it was happening until we went to the doctors. And… and he said I could’ve sung all of Moritz’s parts, on T.”

“You already could.”

“That’s what I thought, too, but I guess not.”

“Michael.” She reaches forward and squeezed his hand. “You were incredible.”

“Thanks…” He gulped.

“Look, we’re gonna go to your house and tell your mom you don’t want to do this, okay?”

“Sash, I can’t. Not yet. She’s so excited for this.”

Sasha sighed. “You can’t keep this from her.”

“Just a little bit longer, I promise.” He took her hand, and laced his fingers through it.

“Fine. I’ll be right beside you when you do, okay?”

“Okay.”

They started walking again, towards his house. “Hey, Michael?” She asked.

“Yeah?”

“Are you getting top surgery too?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“So no more binder?”

“Yeah.”

She rested her head on his shoulder. “Good. It really scares me sometimes when we’re doing hard choreography.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I want you to stay safe.”

“Oh.” He kissed her forehead. “Same to you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You better.”

 

*****

 

Kaitlin paced her room, phone pressed to her cheek. It rang and rang and rang until, finally, someone answered.

“Hello?” An unfamiliar female voice asked.

Kaitlin gulped. “Ms. Evers?”

“Yes. And who is this?”

“Kaitlin. I’m a friend of Maashous’s, from Stanton.”

“Oh, yes! I’ve heard all about you.”

“Good things?” Kaitlin asked, trying to stop herself from blushing.

“Great things.”

“Well, same to you.”

“Do you want me to go get him?”

“That would be great, yeah.”

“Alright, one minute, sweetheart.”

The receiver went silent. She was nice, and Kaitlin felt bad for ever thinking otherwise. Obviously, she missed seeing Maashous every day, but his mother wasn’t what she was expecting. Maybe it wasn’t so bad.

“Kaitlin?” Maashous’s voice came through the phone, interrupting her thoughts.

“Maashous!”

“What’s up?”

She grinned. “The lights in the theater are all messed up right now, so we were wondering if maybe you’d be able to come in and help?”

“Me?”

“You know them better than any of us.”

“I would love that. Thank you.”

Kaitlin grinned widely. “Alright, what are you doing tomorrow after school?”

“I have work until eight,” He answered.

“Oh.”

“But I’m free on Friday, if you need me?”

“I think so. I’ll talk to my dad, sound good?”

“Sounds perfect. Thank you.”

“Anytime….” She hesitated. “How have you been?”

“Good,” He answered awkwardly.

Kaitlin flopped down on her bed. “Are you really good? I know you said that Saturday, but really, Maashous, how are you doing?”

“Oh.” He was quiet, for a moment.

“If you don’t want to-“

“I miss you guys,” He answered, quietly. He sounded sad. “Around here, no one wants to talk to the foster kid with the criminal mom. I just miss Stanton.”

Kaitlin frowned. “Can’t you open enroll?”

“My mom can’t afford it.”

“Oh.” Suddenly, an idea crossed Kaitlin’s mind. “Aren’t you on the district line?”

“I mean, yeah-”

“Why don’t we petition the school board?”

“What?”

“We can petition them to let you come back!”

“Kaity, I don’t think that would work…”

“Why not?”

“...I don’t know. I just don’t think it would.”

“It’s worth the try, isn’t it?”

Kaitlin could practically hear Maashous’s smile. “You know what? It is. Let’s do it.”

Kaitlin pumped her fist. “Yes! There’s a board meeting in a few weeks, I’ll talk to my dad about slots, okay?”

“Sounds like a plan.” There was a moment of silence, and then, “Thanks, Kaity.”

“For what?”

“Doing this for me. I really appreciate it.”

“Of course. Anything for you, Maash.”

“That’s not a thing.”

“Oh, but it is now.”

He laughed, and Kaitlin’s smile grew. Her heart was pounding just imagining his face right then. And in the long silence that followed, she wondered  if he could hear it on the other side.

“I got to go,” she said finally. “I have homework and, uh, some vocal practice to do for a bit. But I’ll see you Friday?”

“Yeah.”

“Love you, Maashous.”

“Love you too, Kaity.”

She hung up the phone, and hugged it against her chest. She was going to see Maashous again, and soon. She almost couldn’t believe it.

 

*****

 

“Alright!” Mr. Mazzu called. “I need everyone onstage!”

Simon dropped his backpack behind the curtain, and slipped on stage, next to Gwen.

“So, no all state for you then?” She asked.

“How’d you know?”

“Well, cast list just came out and-“

“And both Gwen and Lilette were on it, but you weren’t,” Robbie finished for her. He sat down on Simon’s other side.

“Lilette’s doing all state?” Simon asked quickly. This was news to him.

“She didn’t tell you?” Robbie asked.

“No. Uh, she told you though?”

“Yeah, a couple nights ago,” He explained, completely oblivious to the situation. “She said I had to wait until we could do a video call, so I didn’t get the announcement until then.”

“Video call,” Simon mumbled. She’d called Robbie. She’d done it. She was always too busy for Simon, but not for Robbie. Anger flared in Simon’s chest, and his whole body tensed. “I got to go,” He said quickly. “I have to, uh, talk to Jo, about.. about our song. Uh, it’s been rough going for a bit here. I’m not too sure what she wants to do about it. I’ll, uh, see you guys around.” It was a bad excuse, and they all knew it, but it didn’t stop Simon from leaving them. He was gone in a second, his heart pounding.

He slipped across the stage to Jolene, who was all alone on the edge. She looked sad, like something had gone wrong, but the second she saw his face, the sad look twisted to concern. “Si?” She asked. “Are you okay?”

He sat down beside her, and soundlessly shook his head.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just… I can’t with Gwen and Robbie right now. I’m sorry.”

“No, no, I get it. Just take a deep breath, okay? Calm down.” Slowly, she put an arm around him, and hugged him into her chest. “We can’t have you punching anyone around here before practice has even begun. Keep it for Reputation Stain’d.”

Simon laughed, quietly. “Oh, yeah, I do get to beat him up then, don’t I?”

“As long as Tracey doesn’t find out.”

“And what am I not supposed to find out?” Tracey called to them from across the stage.

Jo and Simon’s eyes widened. “Lilette made All State?” She offered.

“Uh huh.” She didn’t seem all that convinced, which wasn’t too surprising. But she liked Simon, so she left it at that.

“So, everyone,” Mr. Mazzu started. “Two things: Maashous Evers is back in the light box to help Tori fix the spotlight.” Michael started aggressively cheering, and most of the other kids joined in. Mr. Mazzu waved his hands to quiet the noise. “Okay, okay. Stop by and say hi when you get the chance, guys. But, we still have one more order of business: Jeremy-“

Jeremy, on cue, shoved through the auditorium doors. “I had a quiz in History to make up and-“

“I know,” Tracey cut him off. “You told me half an hour ago.”

“Oh.”

“Jeremy’s back today,” Mr. Mazzu finished. “We’re running all of the big duet scenes with Peter to make up for lost time today, so Simon, Jeremy, get in place for Ever After. Jolene, since you don’t have a song with Peter, I’m going to ask that you practice Quiet Night At Home in the Green Room. And Harmony, Cheryl, and Violet, Ms. Wolfe is going to take you through the 911! Emergency! choreography in the hall. Alright, let’s go, Troupe.”

Having laid the groundwork for the start of rehearsal, Mr. Mazzu sent them their different ways. And for Simon, that meant a full on collision course into Jeremy.

“Hey,” Jeremy said awkwardly, as Simon crossed the stage to meet him at the center. He was sitting on the ground, legs out in front of him, like he was just gearing up to play Peter but hadn’t fully gotten into the role.

“Hi.”

“You ready for this?”

“Huh?”

Jeremy shrugged. “I mean, this song’s rough, you know?”

“Oh, yeah.” There was a screen of tension between them. “This is after Reputation Stain’d, right?” He knew it was, but he just needed to say something to break the uncomfortableness.

“Yeah, so you’re kind of back a bit with your back to me, I think. Unless it changed.”

Simon shook his head. “It’s still just like that.”

“Oh, okay.”

Simon stood in his spot, and waited for instruction.

“Alright,” Mr. Mazzu said, joining them. “Take us away, Jeremy.”

Jeremy nodded. “Okay, uh… You stand before me,” He started shakily, like he was sure if he was doing anything right, “but I barely know you. Is it so easy to leave? Where is the boy who said I was his soulmate? Where is the boy I believed?” Simon’s face twisted in pain.  _ This isn’t real _ , He thought.  _ This is all Jason... Right? _ “We climbed an escape grown from seeds that you planted, you slew all my giants, ignoring your own. And now that they haunt you, I’m left with my courage alone.” Jeremy gulped. Something was wrong, and everyone could tell, but they didn’t say a thing. “So much for our ever after,” He breathed. “ I thought that the good guys could triumph,” His voice broke. “I trusted the heroes…” And suddenly, Jeremy was sobbing.

Simon broke character and whipped around to face him. He couldn’t hide the look of concern that flooded his features.

“Stop!” Mr. Mazzu called.

“I’m so… I’m so sorry,” Jeremy hiccuped, wiping the tears from his eyes. “I shouldn’t have… Should we reset?”

“Jere,” Annabelle was the only one to speak.

“What?”

“Travers, what’s going on?” Simon said, despite the many voices in his head that told him not to.

“Nothing,” Jeremy lied. Every eye in the troupe was on him, and every eye in the troupe knew he was lying. He looked down at his lap. “I just, um, spent the week with my parents and a divorce lawyer, and, um… It’s a mess.”

“Jere,” Simon whispered. The blond’s eyes locked on his, for a moment, and they were so red and sad.

“It’s fine, okay?” He brushed away the last of the tears and took a shaky breath. “I’m holding up practice anyway. Let’s start from the beginning, okay?”

He hopped in to position, a false look of composure on his face. Everyone there knew it wasn’t fine, not at all, but they also knew that Jeremy wasn’t going to give it up, so they listened. Everyone except for Simon.

“Jeremy, I don’t want to run this if-”

“Just set up for the song, okay?”

“Jeremy.”

“Simon. Let’s go.”

“Fine. Just, whatever. Let’s just run this.” He shifted into his spot.

And the music started to play.


	6. Understudies Epi. 3

“Kiss, marry, kill?” Harmony asked as she propped open a box of pizza. All of the current understudy girls and Clark were sitting cross legged on the floor of the green room.

Cheryl reached over her shoulder and grabbed a piece. “Well, it is just us girls.”

“And Clark?” He pointed out.

“Eh,” Violet shrugged. “One slice, please.”

Lexi handed her one on a paper plate. “You first, Vi.”

“Alright, fine. Uh, Gwen!” She picked. Gwen crossed her arms. “Any of the boys in the troupe.”

“Alright, easy. Simon, Gordy, and Mr. Mazzu, in that order.”

“Who wouldn’t kill him?” Tori argued.

“Maybe Tracey. Maybe.” A few of them mumbled their agreements.

“Alright, Harmony,” Clark started.

“Nope,” Tori ended with a grin. “She’s taken. By me. Next.”

“Fine. Casey?” He asked, wondering if it was okay with her. She nodded. “How about… Gwen, Harmony, or Lilette.”

“The female bisexuals of the troupe,” Cheryl translated.

“Oh, hm… Kill Gwen-“

“-Bitch-“ Gwen joked.

“Kiss Harmony, and marry Lilette.”

“Robbie won’t be too happy.”

“Robbie can suck my non-existent third nipple,” Lexi said. She picked up her piece of pizza and took a bite. “Anna, ask someone.”

Annabelle frowned. “Clark, kiss, marry, kill with… hmm… Jeremy, Francis, or… Uh…”

“Simon?” Tori offered.

“Simon’s straight,” Clark argued. “Never gonna happen.”

“Simon Saunders?” Tori asked. “You think Simon Saunders is straight?”

“She’s got a point,” Cheryl agreed. “He got the chance to date her-“ She referenced to Annabelle, “- and then he just mysteriously dumped her? I’m calling sexual awakening.”

“Okay, whatever, uh… What about Ryan Kupchek?” Annabelle offered

“Who?” Clark shifted.

“The senior on golf team? The blond one?”

“Oh, yeah!” Clark nodded. “I don’t know him personally or anything, but we’ve run into each other a few times. He looks so much like Jeremy, it’s crazy. But, uh, I thought he was straight too.”

“I saw him with a guy a few month ago and-“

“Yeah, no, he dated Celia Whitehouse until like two months ago. I’m gonna guess it was someone else.”

Annabelle’s eyes widened, and it finally clicked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm tag yourself here I’m probably Clark


	7. Episode 4: Untouchable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!! um there’s some abuse in this so please proceed with caution!!!

Simon headed into the auditorium, and dumped his bag on a chair. A few other kids were filtering in, but he was one of the last. He started to look around for someone he could talk to for the last few minutes before practice started, but his gaze caught Robbie’s.

Robbie gave him a quick wave, which Simon answered with a miffed glare. He couldn’t with him. Not today.

Instead, Simon climbed the stairs and crossed over to Jeremy, who was sitting just outside of his usual circle of friends. He looked up at the sound of Simon’s shoes on the stage. “Hey,” Jeremy said.

“Hi. Uh, you feeling better?”

Jeremy stumbled to his feet and stepped forward to meet him. “Huh?”

“After yesterday, with Ever After, I just-“

“Oh, yeah.” Jeremy’s face darkened. “Uh, not really, no, but I can deal with it.”

Simon frowned. That wasn’t reassuring. “Well, if you ever need someone to talk to, I-“

“Alright, places for Promise!” Ms. Wolfe cut in. “And by that, I mean everyone but Simon, off the stage.”

As everyone filtered off, Simon saw Robbie out of the corner of his eye. He didn’t know how long he could do this.

 

*****

 

“Jason, have you seen Ivy?” Jolene asked, as she ran onto the stage. “I guess you have.” So far, the run was going pretty well. It helped, obviously, that Simon couldn’t look at Robbie without his blood boiling.

“You knew?” He snapped.

“Only since this afternoon.”

Jeremy leaned forward. “Knew what?”

“Ivy’s pregnant and your boyfriends the dad!” Robbie contributed. “So what does that make you?”

“She’s what?” Jeremy stared at Simon. “And what are you talking about, my boyfriend?”

“Don’t play dumb with me Peter-“

“Get the hell out of here, Matt,” Simon snarled. He didn’t like swearing, so he was thankful Lou changed the line. But with the thought of Robbie knowing more about what was happening with Lilette than he did made him almost wish he could just scream “fuck you” at him.

“I know what I saw at the rave. I don’t mean to judge, just keep everyone on the same page. And hey,” Robbie stepped towards Simon, trying to act as threatening as Matt would. “I think I found that strong opening you were looking for in your speech.”

“Whatever you saw, it was a  _ rave _ ,” Simon countered.

“Are you gonna stand there and deny it? I know.”

Simon closed the rest of the distance, so that they were chest to chest. “You know, huh? You fucking know?” He was so angry at Robbie. So fucking angry. He needed Lilette, right now, and she hadn’t talked to him. And Robbie knew it. He knew it. “What the fuck do you know,” He growled.

“He knows-“ Jeremy reached forward to grab Simon’s shoulder, like the blocking said to, but it was too late. Simon’s fist ripped through the air and slammed into Robbie’s jaw. After so many years of football skirmishes, Robbie didn’t hesitate in reacting. He jumped at Simon, and suddenly, they were on the ground, tumbling around and throwing elbows and punches anytime they could. Adrenaline pumped through Simon’s veins. He was untouchable.

“Robbie!” Mr. Mazzu yelled. “Simon!”

Tracey climbed onto the stage, and she grabbed for the two of them. Jolene went to help, but one of Robbie’s fists hit her shoulder and she stumbled backwards. Tracey, however, got a solid hand on Simon’s shoulder, and she yanked him back, off of Robbie. He stood, for a few moments, before sinking to the stage. He was breathing heavy.

“What the hell, you two?” She snapped.

“I…” Simon shook his head. “Whatever. Can I go home?” He didn’t wait for an answer. Instead, he just stood up and walked off.

“Simon!” Lou called. “Simon, stop!”

But he didn’t listen. He just shoved through the back door to the theatre, and left. It wasn’t until he was sitting in his car when he realized how much his cheek was hurting. Robbie must’ve hit him there. It would bruise for sure.

He ran his fingers over it, and he could already feel it starting to swell. His knuckles were red and bloody, too, and he was mesmerized by it. There was blood on his shirt that he knew wasn’t his, but it felt important, like it really was his own wound. He didn’t know how he’d avoid his parents finding out about this, but he had to figure it out.

 

*****

 

Jeremy didn’t move from the stage. Everyone was reacting to what just happened; Simon’s outburst; Robbie’s injuries; the blood that now speckled the stage. But he didn’t even look. Everything was crashing down and he need to see the wreckage that it left.

“You okay?” Annabelle came up next to him.

“Of course,” He mumbled.

“You still afraid of blood?” She joked.

“I never was.”

“What about that time when we went to my mom’s work and the nurse dropped that bag of blood?”

“Remind me why your mom likes that job?”

“I honestly don’t know.”

After what seemed like an eternity of looking at where Simon had been only moments early, Jeremy finally managed to pull his eyes off of it to look at her. She looked deeply conflicted about something, but he didn’t know what. “Anna, are you okay?”

She gulped. “Jeremy, can we talk?”

He blinked. “Aren’t we talking already?”

“Alone, I mean.”

“Oh, uh, yeah.” He raised his eyebrows.

Silence. And then, “I meant like right now.”

“Oh!” He nodded again. “So, green room?”

“Boys dressing room?” She asked instead.

“Yeah, that’s okay.” No one would mind as long as no one was changing. They were all too comfortable around each other to care anyway.

Jeremy smiled at her, even though the whole situation felt off. Without another word to anyone, he started for the backstage with her right behind him. Lou and Tracey  paid them no attention as they snuck off, far too preoccupied with the injured football player under their charge.

“Anna?” He asked, before they had gotten to the dressing room. “What’s up?”

“I’ll tell you once we’re in there, okay? I don’t want to make you or Simon or anyone else uncomfortable.”

“Me or Simon?”

“Yeah.”

Jeremy pulled the door open, revealing the hot mess behind it. “Why us?” He asked, stepping through.

Annabelle pressed up behind him and closed the door as fast as she could, so she could answer. Jeremy slid forward, giving her space to talk comfortably.

“Ryan on the golf team. He isn’t gay, is he?” She asked it like she already knew the answer, and Jeremy’s stomach hit the floor.

“Anna…”

“That was you and Simon in the parking lot, wasn’t it?” She snapped. Jeremy began to notice the tears that were beginning to brim in her eyes and he hated it.

“It’s not what you think-“

“You were kissing my boyfriend!”

“You weren’t that serious! You went out once, maybe, and I was so sure that he was… That this was…”

“That he was gay? Why? Because he was dating me?”

He couldn’t believe he was saying it, but, “Because when we kissed and held hands and just acted in love, it didn’t feel like acting.”

Annabelle froze. “You liked him, back then?”

“Yeah.”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“You liked him too and-“

Annabelle's face flooded with relief. “Jere, we could have had this conversation two months ago, and my life would’ve been a whole lot easier.”

Jeremy frowned. “What?”

“I thought my ex boyfriend was gay for some random ass guy. But now I know that it’s my guy, my number one dude… I could write a romance novel and make thousands off of this stuff!”

Jeremy laughed, once. “Please don’t. No one needs to hear about my gross sappy escapades.”

“Sappy?”

“I mean, not really, just kind of-“

“What did you say, Jere?”

He blushed, and looked at his feet. “I asked him if he felt something, when he was with me.”

Annabelle smiled. “That exact wording?”

“Yeah, pretty much. I think it might have been, ‘Do you feel something when you’re with me? Do you feel this, right now?’” Of course he remembered every word. It was seared into his mind.

Annabelle’s smile widened. “Oh my god,  _ I’d _ be gay for you. Jesus.”

“Shut up.”

“Oh come on, it’s cute!”

“He’s your ex!”

“My probably gay ex!”

“That doesn’t mean I should be dating him, okay? Or kissing him in parking lots.”

Annabelle crossed her arms. “But on a stage it’s okay?”

“That’s different. That’s acting, nothing else.”

“You sure about that?”

“I’m positive, Anna.”

“Jere?”

“ _ Positive _ .” Jeremy shuffled over to the desk by the door and leaned against it. He hated lying to her. Especially about Simon.

Because when they were onstage together, Jeremy wasn’t acting.

 

*****

 

Michael leaned against the wall in the lighting booth, and watched as Maashous and Tori worked on fixing the spotlight. A small bluetooth speaker played quiet soft rock music in the background, and the only other sound was the occasional question about the ancient instructions.

“So, Maashous, how’s the theatre program at your school?” Michael asked. It was too much to go right out and say how much he’d missed him, despite having seen him only a few weeks earlier, so he settled on that.

“Non-existent?” Maashous offered. “We haven’t done a good show in a decade.”

“Who told you that?”

“A few of the kids in my English class. They heard about Spring Awakening over here and wanted all the details.”

“What kind of details?” Tori asked. She hadn’t really spoken to either of them yet.

“They had a lot of questions about the vineyard scene.”

“That is strangely not surprising.” Tori grinned. “I don’t know a single theatre kid who isn’t dedicated to the gay.”

Michael grinned. “You have to sell the straight side of your soul to become a card carrying member.”

“What if you’re straight?” Tori turned and leaned against the counter.

“That’s how aces are born,” Michael answered.

“I can confirm that,” Maashous said. He didn’t elaborate.

Tori ruffled his hair, and pushed off the counter. “Well, boys, it’s getting late and my brother can be an asshole if I keep him waiting.” She grabbed her bag and started backing up to the door. “It has been a pleasure, if you ignore the fact that we’re working on a shitty light system that hasn’t been updated since the 1970s. I’m out.” She loudly blew them a kiss, and then disappeared down the stairs.

Maashous didn’t look up for a few moments, and instead continued with his work. Finally, he said, “So, Mike.”

“Maashous.”

“How’s Stanton been?”

“Since you left?”

“Yeah.”

“Awful.”

“Oh.”

Michael was quick to elaborate. “It’s just that Stanton’s always been awful, but it was a little better with you around, you know?”

Maashous grinned. “Really?”

“Yeah. You and Sasha are my best friends.”

“Aren’t you and Sasha-“

“Dating?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah… Uh, maybe that wasn’t the best comparison.”

Maashous chuckled quietly. “Yeah, maybe not.”

“Speaking of girls, how’s Kaitlin?”

“Why?”

“Oh, come on, Maash. I’m not blind. You think she’s cute.”

Maashous shrugged. “I guess.”

“You guess?”

“She’s like a little sister, Michael.”

“Uh huh.”

“Shut up.”

Maashous lightly chucked the instruction manual at Michael, who quickly blocked it with his arms. “This is homophobia,” Michael joked.

“I hate you.”

“You love me.”

Maashous grinned. “I love you.” Then he held out his hand. “Now, can I please see those instructions again? This, sadly, will not fix itself.”

“Ugh, fine.” Michael hopped to his feet, and brought the book up to Maashous. He handed him the book and leaned against the counter.

With a smirk, Maashous ran his fingers through Michael’s curls, messing them up. “I like these.”

“So do I.”

Maashous grinned and started leafing through the book. “Very Michael Hallowell.”

“That was the goal.” Michael pulled at Maashous’s band t shirt. “And this is rather Maashous Evers of you.”

“You think?”

“I know.”

Maashous blushed. “Kaitlin bought it for me, as a going away present.”

“Of course she did.”

“Nerd.”

Michael gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “Yep.” Then he stepped back. “I’m heading out,” He said. “Will you be okay alone up here?”

Maashous nodded. “Mr. Mazzu’s staying a bit longer, I think. I’ll be fine.”

“If you need anything, call me. I’m hanging out with Robbie to run lines, so I’ll only be a couple of blocks away.”

“Thanks, but I should be okay.”

“Just keeping your options open…”

“Goodbye, Michael.”

“Goodbye, Maashous.”

Michael thundered down the stairs, comfortable as always in the theatre. Maashous set the instruction manual down. God, how he missed this.

 

*****

 

“The school board has requested a viewing to see what steps you are taking to censor this show,” Principal Ward explained.

“I’m sorry, what?” Lou asked. He leaned back in his chair, and stared across the desk.

“Lou, the school board is concerned with the show after your last production. They’ve requested a viewing Friday. And having listened the show myself over the weekend, I agreed to it.”

Lou frowned. “Evan, we haven’t even run half of the blocking yet.”

“They don’t need to see the full show,” He insisted. “They only want to get a sense of what changes you are making to make this show Stanton appropriate.”

“Stanton appropriate,” Lou repeated. He leaned forward. “Evan, if I remember correctly, your definition of Stanton Appropriate was straight.”

“What?”

“I remember you saying ‘no boys kissing boys’, isn’t that right?”

“Well, Stanton is a conservative town and-“

“And if that’s what it takes to be Stanton appropriate, then I won’t change this show. I’m happy to fix the swearing. I’m happy to censor sex and drugs and whatever you want. But I’m not going to act like being gay is bad.”

“It’s a hot topic right now-“

“And that’s why this show exists. I’m doing what I can to make things less blatant, but I will never act like being gay is a bad thing.”

“Lou-“

“I’m working on the swearing. And Tracey is working on the blocking of One to make sure it’s nothing too suggestive. But that’s where I’m drawing the line, Evan.”

Principal Ward shook his head. “I understand Lou, and I’m happy to back you up, but I can’t do anything if the board decides against it.”

Lou sighed. “If we cut huge sections of this show, what are we teaching these kids?” Principal Ward frowned, but didn’t answer, so Lou continued. “This stuff is real. This stuff happens constantly. And if we act like it isn’t there, then how are they ever going to talk to us when it happens to them?”

“I’ll try my best with the board, Lou,” He said. It wasn’t an answer, and they both knew it. “And we’ll see you Friday.”

“I’ll see you Friday, Evan.”

 

*****

 

Sasha sat by her window, head buried in a school copy of “Gatsby”. It was getting late, and the light outside her window no longer illuminated her book enough. She was still in her work uniform, which was just a bulky blue polo that read “Pinkie’s ice cream”. She didn’t feel like changing just yet.

“Sash,” Her dad called. “Are you hungry?”

Sasha frowned. “Not really,” she replied. She was, but she didn’t care enough to get up and get something to eat.

“You haven’t eaten dinner,” he pointed out.

“Alright, fine.” She closed the book and stood, pulling her arms above her head to stretch as she did. “I’ll be out in a second!”

She folded the corner of the book over, and dropped it on the couch behind her. And then she shuffled through a basket of laundry to find some pajamas.

A few minutes later, she stood at her door in a black tank top and a pair of sweatpants, her hair pulled into a messy bun. She had her hand on the door handle, when her phone’s ringtone broke through the silence.

She paced to her dresser and pulled it off the top, thinking it was Michael. It wasn’t. In fact, she had no clue who the call had come from. Slowly, she pressed the green phone button, and answered.

“Hello?”

“Sasha?”

Sasha froze. “Mom?”

“Hi, sweetie.”

Sasha‘s face twisted with anger and determination. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Sasha, sweetie, please.”

“I’m going to hang up now.”

“Wait!” Her mom insisted. “Your father called me a few days ago. He said he was worried.”

“Why would he call you?” Tears started welling up in her eyes. He wouldn’t betray her like that. He wouldn’t.

“Because I went through the same thing you did.”

“No, you didn’t!”

“I lost you, Sasha!”

“You left us!” Sasha’s voice cracked.  _ I’m not my mother. _ She thought. _ I’m not mother. _

“I didn’t have a choice.”

“You did. And you chose to leave me. Me and Dad and Stanton. I was twelve, Mom.”

“I had to leave. I couldn’t stay there anymore.”

Sasha gulped. “No. You could’ve. You just didn’t want to.”

“Sasha-“

“Goodbye, mom.”

“....Goodbye.”

Sasha hung the phone up. And then she started sobbing.

 

*****

 

Emma was sitting at the table doing homework with her father when Simon came into the kitchen. His cheek had turned to a nasty shade of purple, but his hands had stopped bleeding, and he’d changed shirts.

“Hey, kiddo,” Mr. Saunders said.

“Hey, dad.”

Simon snaked past to grab a glass, just as his mom entered, holding a few bags of groceries. Neither of his parents seemed to notice the bruise, nor did they care about the fact that he was over an hour late getting home. They were both stuck in their own worlds, ones that didn’t involve the other. Simon was foolish for thinking it would last long enough.

Mrs. Saunders set her bags down and turned just before Simon could move. And she gasped.

“Oh my gosh, Simon.”

Just like that, his parents’ worlds shifted to include him, and the bruise on his cheek.

“What happened?” Mr. Saunders stood up, and pressed his palms to the table, as he spoke.

“Uh, there was a mistake in blocking…” He tried to lie. He hated lying to them. “Robbie and I got in a fight and-“

“Why am I not surprised it was him?” Mr. Saunders scoffed.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Simon snapped. “I punched him. He just… reacted.”

“Simon!” His mom said. “You punched him?”

“It was a mistake, I just...” He looked down. This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be. His world was already imploding. And now this… This was worse.

Simon’s dad gulped. “Sweetheart,” He said, looking to his wife. “Can you go upstairs with Emma and help her with her homework? I can handle this.”

“Robert…”

“I can handle this,” He repeated. “Just go.”

She gulped, and then rested her hand on Emma’s shoulder. “Come on, sweetie, grab your stuff.”

Emma stared at Simon, fear painting her features. And slowly she gathered her things, and followed her mother out.

“You got in a fight,” Simon’s dad mumbled.

“Yeah.”

Mr. Saunders stepped closer to his son. “Did you really punch him first?”

“...Yes,” He admitted. Guilt and fear filled his gut, and suddenly he couldn’t breathe.

“Why would you do that?”

“Because, uh, he was lying to me and I just couldn’t… I just got mad. And I’m sorry… I… I’m not in trouble, I don’t think-“

“It’s this fucking show, isn’t it? I should’ve never let you go back to Stanton drama.”

“No,” Simon said.

“Then it’s that boy, isn’t it?”

“Jeremy?”

“Is he giving you trouble?”

“No! Why would he be giving me trouble? He’s a great guy.”

“I know his family, Simon.”

“Is that what this is about? The fact that he’s Jewish? Is that really why?”

“That’s not what I’m saying-“

“You sure?” Simon was vibrating with anger again. “Because from what I’ve seen, you are so afraid of people who aren’t like you that you act like none of them fucking exist-“ Simon gasped. There was a sharp noise in his ear, and then pain, pure pain. It pulsated through his cheek, spreading from his bruise. Suddenly, it dawned on him that his father had hit him.

His dad stared at him, and then at his hand. “Simon…”

Simon clutched his burning cheek. It was all his fault, wasn’t it? He brought this on, when he fell for Jeremy, when he punched Robbie. It was all him. “Dad, I-“

“Go upstairs,” His dad said quietly. “Please.”

Simon stared at him for a moment. And then he stumbled for the door. His legs were giving out beneath him as he climbed the stairs, and he didn’t know why. He gripped the banister with one hand, the other planted firmly over his cheek. He pulled himself up, and, tripping over himself, made his way into his bedroom. It wasn’t until he collapsed into his bed that the tears started to roll.

 

*****

 

Casey was helping Lexi set up the cameras from their filming sessions during lunch when Jolene called her. The first time, she let it go. The second time, she hung up. For the first time since she started dating Jo, she didn’t want to deal with her. At all.

“Shouldn’t you get that?” Lexi asked, as she slipped the phone into her pocket.

Casey shook her head. “It’s just Jo. She’s probably wondering why I’m not at lunch or something stupid.”

Lexi frowned. “Oh. You sure you don’t want to get it? I can finish on my own.”

“Positive, Lexi. She’ll understand.”

Casey set her phone down on a desk, face down, and started back at her camera.

 

*****

 

Jo called for the third time without an answer before she finally gave up. She paced back through the loud, messy cafeteria to her usual theatre kid table.

“I’m just saying, body shots aren’t body shots unless they’re straight off skin,” Francis was explaining when she sat down.

Clark shook his head. “That’s not a thing at all.”

“Body shots?” Jo asked no one in particular.

“They’ve been arguing since you left,” Tori answered.

“Francis keeps making up stupid rules,” Clark added.

Jo rolled her eyes, but even their stupid argument couldn’t lighten her mood. Just yesterday, Casey did whatever she could to answer a call. Today, she hung up before the phone had even stopped ringing.

Everything was completely spinning out of her control. Jo didn’t have a single hold to grab onto anymore. Unless….

“Who wants to go buy fries with me?” Tori asked.

Jo shook her head and shoved hers towards the other girl. “Have mine. I’m not hungry today.”

Francis eyed the PB&J Jo had thrown together just three minutes before she’d left that morning. “Does that mean you aren’t eating your sandwich?”

She grabbed it by the corner of the bag and tossed it to him. “It’s all yours, good sir.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

So, she was wrong. She had one thing she could control. One thing that she had power over no matter what. And that was what she put into her body.

 

*****

 

“Sash!” Michael waved to her from his locker as she walked past. He had a big smile on his face, but when he saw her face, it completely vanished. “Hey, do you feel okay?”

“My mom called last night,” She answered.

“Oh god.”

“After three years of radio silence.” Sasha squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears from falling.

Michael wrapped his arms around her shoulder. “Why would she call?”

“She said that my dad called her, I guess, and told her what happened.”

“What the hell?”

She laughed, but it was bittersweet. “Yeah, my reaction exactly. What the hell.”

“What did you tell her?”

“I told her I wouldn’t talk,” Sasha looked uncomfortable. “But she’s my mom, you know?”

“So?”

“So don’t I owe her a second chance?”

“No.”

Sasha ducked out from his arm. “What?”

“You don’t owe her anything, Sasha,” Michael explained. “She left you, without warning or explanation or anything.”

“But she’s my mom.”

“She’s not your family, though. Not really.”

“Isn’t she?”

“Three years of absolute radio silence says that she isn’t.” Michael crossed his arms. “Look, I remember when you came to my house, sobbing because she stormed out. I watched you check the obituaries once a week for two years to see if she was still even alive. And I remember your dad losing his job and you struggling to make ends meet on your own. Family doesn’t do that to you. Family doesn’t hurt you like that.”

“I know, I just feel like I’m a monster for not letting her talk to me.”

“You aren’t. You’re the greatest, kindest person I know. She’s the monster.”

Sasha wrapped her arms around him and pressed her head into his neck. “Thank you,” She whispered.

“Anytime. Ever. Okay?”

She didn’t answer, just held onto him. Her mother wasn’t her family, not really. Not anymore.

But he was.

 

*****

 

“Okay, okay!” Lou attempted to silence the chatter before rehearsal began. Jeremy, Annabelle, and Francis were the only ones who were even slightly paying attention, from their spots to the left of the stage. “Okay!” He clapped his hands together as the noise finally began to quiet down. “I know you all remember the great Spring Awakening debacle from last season.”

“You mean totally hosed?” Jolene called.

“Yes, I do. And we’ve changed out some of the harder language in the show to make it more school board appropriate, but after last year, they’ve asked for a quick screening of some of our changes.”

“We haven’t even blocked the whole show!” Harmony cut in.

“And 911! Emergency! is still a mess,” Cheryl added.

“And they know that,” Mr. Mazzu explained. “They just want to see that we’re doing it.

“What about our missing lead?” Robbie asked.

“Ms. Wolfe is talking with him tomorrow, after 6th, to make sure he’s back in the show. If not, Francis will go on for him.”

“Then what about Confession?” Francis asked.

“You’ll take the priest role for that. It’s not a big deal.”

“Oh.”

“Alright, so, with that in mind, we’re gonna work more on sets and finishing the lighting work today, so you are all free unless you want to lend a hand.”

Which meant Jeremy was stuck because Tori was stuck.

Francis poked Jeremy’s side. “Guess we’ll have to make out again,” He mumbled.

Annabelle glanced at him. “Again?”

“Truth or dare at Harmony’s Freshmen year.”

“Oh, yeah. I don’t remember that night at all, honestly.”

“You were drunk,” Clark explained, as he, Jolene, and Cheryl joined their group. “Probably.”

“I was concussed,” She snapped. “Jeremy hit me in the head with his shoe.”

“I was dancing and it flew off!”

“That’s what they all say…”

Jeremy rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Just, have any of you seen Simon?”

“Don’t you have bio with him?” Clark asked, as he took his usual position next to Francis.

“Yeah, but he didn’t show.”

“Maybe Robbie broke his nose,” Francis said.

“Shut up.”

“Someone’s getting defensive….” Annabelle giggled. Jeremy elbowed her playfully.

“I’m concerned!”

“Because you don’t get to see him at every rehearsal?” Cheryl cut in.

“Okay, I do not like Simon Saunders.”

“You do too,” Jolene insisted. “You’ve got it bad. And he does too.”

Jeremy’s mind flashed back to the green room, right before opening night. To when Simon pretty much told him it would never work.

“He doesn’t,” Jeremy snapped. “At all. We are friends and scene partners and that is it, okay?” Annabelle shot him a look, but he ignored it.

“Let’s go get some pizza or something,” Annabelle suggested suddenly.

“Volpe’s?” Cheryl suggested. “It’s like three blocks away, we could walk it.”

“Or we could drive it?” Francis said.

Jolene shifted. “You guys go without me.”

“Huh?” Clark stared at her. “You’re skipping Volpe’s?”

“I still feel gross,” She explained. “It’s probably nothing, but my cousin was over the other day, and she has stomach flu, so I shouldn’t take any chances.”

Jeremy raised his eyebrows at her. She was lying. “You sure?”

“Yeah, positive. Have fun, you guys!”

Jolene smiled, but it didn’t quite catch her eyes. She wasn’t okay.

And everyone could tell.

 

*****

 

Simon was home alone, but it didn’t matter too much. He hadn’t left his room all day, except to kidnap box of fruity pebbles and a big blanket. He’d just stayed in bed.

His mom didn’t care that he skipped school for once. Everyone in his family was pretty shaken up after yesterday. And his mom and sister didn’t even know about the kitchen incident. Add in the fact that his eye was almost swollen shut, and it was decided that he wasn’t leaving the house anytime soon.

He was laying in his bed, buried under blankets. Every part of his body felt numb. His chest, his hands, his brain. It all felt numb. It all felt wrong.

His dad left in the morning but Simon could still feel him everywhere. And he hated it. He hated the dread, and the feeling that it was his fault. He wished he’d just fade away already.

Next to him, under the layers of blankets, his phone buzzed. He tilted the screen towards his face so that he could see it.

**From: (555) 876-6569**

**hey it’s jo. i know yesterday was rough but we need you.**

Simon didn’t bother creating a contact for her.

**To: (555) 876-6569**

**I’d be shocked if they haven’t kicked me out yet.**

**From: (555) 876-6569**

**they aren’t going to. school board is making us do a screening and we need you back for it.**

Simon frowned. That wasn’t good. At all. Last time they had a screening, Stanton Drama almost put on  _ Spring Awakening Except Anytime Someone Dies They Actually Just Get Sad _ \-  _ Not Clickbait! _ . This couldn’t get any better. They’d tried to cut his scene with Jeremy, but this time, it would be a bit harder.

**To: (555) 876-6569**

**Do the show without Jason. They’ll cut less.**

**To: (555) 879-6569**

**But honestly I don’t know if I can do this anymore.**

He didn’t know what his dad would do if he found out about Jason, that is.

He almost sent that, too. Jolene had to understand what that was like. But before he could type it, his phone screen lit up with a call. A call from a girl he never thought he’d hear from again. He quickly accepted.

“Suarez?” He asked.

“Saunders.”

“Oh my god.”

“Yeah, uh, Robbie told me about yesterday-“

“You’re alive.”

“Huh?”

“Lilette, I thought I lost you. And… And I can’t lose you.”

Silence. And then, “Simon, you will never lose me.”

“But I did. Everything’s so messed up, Lilette, and you were gone. I needed you, and you were gone.”

“That wasn’t my choice, Simon.”

He gulped. “It was, though. I called you night after night. And you never answered me.”

“I couldn’t!”

“You could answer Robbie!”

“That’s different!”

“Why? Because he’s your boyfriend? Because you love him? Because he means so much more than I do?” He was about to cry again. He’d cried so many times in the past hours, but once again, tears brimmed in his eyes.

“No,” Her voice cracked. “Because you mean everything. And I thought… I mean, I knew, if I heard your voice, I’d miss Stanton too much. And I was right.”

“Come home, Lil.”

“I can’t.”

“Then come for formal, in a few weeks. Please.”

There was a pause, as she thought about it. And then, “Okay. Yeah, I’ll come.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Simon exhaled, and the beginnings of a smile formed on his face. She’d be there, soon. It was almost too good to be true.

“And Lilette?”

“Yeah?”

“Congrats on All State.”

“You heard about that?”

“Why do you think I punched Robbie?”

“Simon!”

 

*****

 

Simon wasn’t at school again the next day, and rumors started flying in the theatre department. The most popular was that he went to Philadelphia to see Lilette after all of it.

Jeremy and Jolene weren’t so convinced. Jeremy knew how Simon’s dad was. Jolene knew Simon wasn’t texting her back at all. And they were both scared.

“Jo?” Jeremy tapped her arm as they headed into the auditorium.

“Hmm?” She looked over at him.

“Have you talked to Simon?”

“In the past, yes.”

“I mean, since the fight. He’s been ignoring everyone else, and I don’t know, I just thought I’d check.”

She nodded. “Okay, well, we’ve talked bit. I texted him last night.”

“And what did he say?”

“Almost nothing. I’m kind of really worried about him, to tell you the truth.”

“Yeah. So am I.”

She looked around. “Do you know where he lives?”

Jeremy frowned, and crossed his arms. “Huh?”

“Do you know where he is?”

“I’ve driven him home before, yeah. Why?”

“We should check up on him.”

Jeremy thought he misheard her, but knowing Jolene, he probably hadn’t. “Now?”

“Now.” She nodded.

Jeremy stared at her. She was a bit paler than usual, but Jeremy chalked it up to concern. What else could cause that?

“Jo, we have two days until the screening. And we’re leads.”

“Sasha and Cheryl can hold the fort down. They’ve got, what, three solo songs each?”

“Jo-“

“Come on, you’re worried too, aren’t you?” She tilted her head, and stared at him. He wanted to lie, he did, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.”

“...Yeah. I am.”

Jo took his hand. “Come on. We’ll be back in time to pick up Tori, I promise.”

Jeremy glanced towards the stage. “Fine. I think we should tell someone before we go, though.”

“I’ll text Gwen on the way?” She offered.

“Does that mean I’m driving?”

“Yes.”

“Great.”

And then, Jolene headed out the way they entered, Jeremy right behind her.

 

*****

 

“Where are Jeremy and Jolene?” Mr. Mazzu asked, surveying the mostly empty stage.

“Simon’s,” Gwen said. She didn’t look up from her phone.

“What? We have a screening in two days.”

“And you have two other leads,” Gwen snapped. He stared at her for a few moments, confusing covering his features. “They’re checking in on him, okay?”

“We need them today, though.”

“Again, two other leads. Work it out.”

Lou sighed. “Fine, whatever. I’ll work it out, I guess. Uh, Sasha?”

She was deep in conversation with Harmony about something, so he called her again. And then again.

Finally, she turned. “Yeah?”

“We’re gonna run All Grown Up today, alright! And then we’ll work on other stuff, I guess, since everyone’s missing…” He sighed. “Set up for the song. And, uh, Clark? Francis? Sorry, but we’ll just run without the dialogue, okay?”

Sasha took center stage. Suddenly, the spotlight turned on, full power. She put her hands in front of her face for a moment.

“It’s working!” Tori called from the booth. “Do you want it on?”

Mr. Mazzu shielded his own eyes slightly. “Perfect, Tori! Thank you. Whenever you’re ready, now.”

In the background, the soft piano accompaniment started. Sasha took a breath.

“Remember back in seventh grade?” She asked quietly. “Endless games of truth or dare? Double dates in dark arcades? When I close my eyes I’m there.”

 

*****

 

Lilette sat on her bed, a photo album in front of her. In all of them, she was with her old friends, with Simon, with Robbie. And in all of them, she was in Stanton.

She slammed it shut, and leaned back into her bed.

 

*****

 

“I think my mother took this picture, back when we were all just friends. Memories they fade and flicker, burn again when I pretend.”

 

*****

 

Jolene banged on the door as hard as she could.

“Jo, he’s probably not home, okay?”

“I’m sure he is.”

“Jo-“

Simon slowly opened the door. And both of them froze.

His eyes was swollen shut, his face was pale. And he was wrapped in a blanket.

“Oh my god, Simon…” Jolene rushed forward and hugged him. And he collapsed against her.

 

*****

 

“Feel is how it grows inside me, swirling ball of anguished cries. Haunted, daunted, so unwanted. Feel it now within me rise. Dream a dream, then dash another, life is there to interrupt.”

 

*****

 

Sasha looked at her phone to see her mom’s number flash across the screen. She rejected the call. And then, without hesitation, she blocked the number.

 

*****

 

“Someone out there, call my mother. Look at me, mom, all grown up.” Sasha gulped. “Look at me, I’m all… grown up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so we’re super close to the last of my already-finished content, so i will let you know if the schedule for updating changes. and um comment some understudies ideas because i’d love to hear em!!!


	8. Understudies Episode 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK for limited time only*
> 
> School’s been kicking my butt so I haven’t had as much time to write rn. However, the quarter just ended so fingers crossed. Ima try to do my best and get this stuff all done and out and over so you can stop living in suspense (I doubt you were)
> 
> Shout out to the lovely massivekatastrophe for their season two fic, especially because the cast list is solid perfection and we stan it.
> 
> Pls enjoy this heckin short “Understudies” kiddos!
> 
> *probably

“I’m not even officially listed as an understudy,” Francis said, as he put away a few more of the scattered props. “Does he really think I’m willing to just sub in for the roles whenever Jeremy and Simon don’t feel like showing up to practice?”

Cheryl shrugged, and grabbed one of the props—a strange crystal ball that was probably left over from “Wizard of Oz”—and lazily started looking it over. “I guess. I mean, that contract did say you’d accept any and all role changes if they occurred.”

”This isn’t a role change, though,” Clark argued from his spot on an ancient stuffed horse that was missing an ear. “We’re just being forced to play Peter and Jason until the real Peter and Jason can actually take over their roles.”

”It’s stupid,” Francis grumbled.

”It is,” Jeremy agreed, from his spot in the doorway. Everyone else in the room jumped. They hadn’t even noticed him come in.

”Jeremy,” Francis started, awkwardly. “We didn’t-“

“Simon’s okay, thanks for the concern.”

Cheryl glanced up. “What?”

“Jolene and I went to see him. That’s why we missed practice.”

“And?” Clark asked.

“And half his face is swollen,” Jeremy said. Maybe he wasn’t supposed to say that.

“That wouldn’t just be a punch… His dad...” Cheryl mumbled, as she looked back at her crystal ball.

“What?” Francis turned to her.

“Nothing, it’s nothing. He hit the floor hard… I’m probably overthinking.”

Jeremy stared at her for a moment, before gulping and looking away. He had thought the same thing.


	9. Chapter 5: Tell Me Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some discussion of abuse, and slurs. viewer discretion advised.

Simon entered the kitchen, two days after the fight. The swelling in his cheek had gone down, leaving him with a nasty purple and green bruise that spread across a large part of his face. He decided it was about time he went back to school, so he badly covered it in some of his mom’s concealer, and went downstairs to get a some breakfast.

A big batch of cinnamon rolls sat on the stove, waiting for him. His mom leaned against the counter nearby, sipping some coffee.

“How’re you feeling?” She asked softly.

“I’m good,” He answered. It was almost the truth. “I’m ready to go back though.” That wasn’t the truth at all.

She licked her thumb, and started to blend out the rough concealer on his cheek.

“Ow,” He mumbled softly. She was pressing too hard.

“Oh, sorry!” She softened up. “Do you have practice tonight?”

“Yeah, uh, we’re getting ready for this thing with the school board tomorrow night.” She dropped her hand, satisfied with the job she had done. “A screening, so that we don’t get shut down again.”

He grabbed a plate and shuffled over to the cinnamon rolls to scoop one out.

“I heard about that,” Mr. Saunders said, as he entered the room. A chill went down Simon’s spine. He could still hear the crack of skin on skin in his voice, still feel the pain in his presence. “Who’re you playing again?”

“Huh?” He didn’t know, did he?

“In the show. Matt, was it?”

Right. He had said he was playing Matt before. “Yep. I’m Matt, Robbie’s Jason, uh, Michael’s Lucas-“

“Michael?” His dad asked, as he sat down at the table. “Michael who?”

“Hallowell,” Simon answered, turning around with his plate.

“She's the one who thinks she’s a guy, right?”

Simon gulped. The lump in his stomach was growing. “He,” he growled.

“Hmm?”

Simon hesitated. He could correct him again, but his dad couldn’t know. About him, about Jeremy. And if he knew Simon would defend Michael...

“Nothing. Forget it. Um, I gotta go, or i’ll be  late.” Simon grabbed his plate. “I’ll bring this back tonight, okay?” He asked, but he didn’t wait for a reply. He grabbed his bag from the stairs, and he dashed out the front to his car.

It wasn’t until he was inside that he slammed his fist against the door. The skin broke open again, but he didn’t even notice.

 

*****

 

“Everyone, Simon’s back,” Ms. Wolfe announced as she entered the auditorium, followed by the brunette. The makeup that had covered his face had slowly come off during the day, and now everyone could see the awful bruise that spread across it. Jolene and Jeremy watched him from the stage, studying his every movement.

“Welcome back,” Mr. Mazzu said, his eyes darting to the nasty greenish blue mark. “We have a screening so I hope you’re ready?” Simon nodded. “Great, we’re gonna run as much as we can from the beginning today.”

“I just have one thing, though, before we start,” Simon said quietly. “Is that okay?”

“Whatever you need to get ready.”

He climbed the stairs to the stage, so that he was level with everyone else. “Hi, um. I want to apologize for my actions the other day. You guys, especially you, Robbie-“ He looked at the quarterback for the first time since the incident, “-you deserve so much better. I don’t know what I was thinking… I wasn’t, actually… but it will never happen again. I’m really sorry you guys.”

Jolene walked up and put her arm around him. She led him over to where she was standing with Jeremy, who nodded at him. Something resembling want twisted inside both boys at the action, but neither spoke.

“Is that all, Simon?” Mr. Mazzu said. Simon nodded. “Excellent. Thank you. Now, Tracey, would you mind explaining what we’re doing tomorrow to the group?”

“We’re only running songs that we’ve blocked already, and will get us in trouble without any kind of changes,” Ms. Wolfe explained, “so that would be You and I, Plain Jane, Wonderland, and Promise.”

“We haven’t run the changes in Wonderland,” Michael pointed out.

“And we didn’t change You and I?” Jeremy added.

“We’re running those two first today,” Tracey said. “We’re just working on the blocking to You and I more than anything, since we can’t make it too suggestive. There’s not much we can do lyrically with that song.”

“‘It’s tough to argue with a hard on’?” Francis quoted the song sarcastically. “That’s not gonna fly.”

Jo crossed her arms and glared at him. “Okay, well, we’re working with the brilliant lyricist behind, ‘Sensing this is bad’, and my personal favorite, ‘Totally Messed Up’. It better fly.”

“Okay, so our censoring has not been the best in the past,” Lou said. “But we’re determined to change as little as possible with this show. So if we can keep it, we will.”

“Then what are we changing about Wonderland, exactly?” Michael asked.

“We have to remove everyone f bomb possible in this show. After Totally Effed the school’s been pretty direct on that one.”

“What’ll you do about ‘you suckers and fuckers gonna love how you gone’?” Violet asked. She’d somehow managed to memorize the entire Lucas rap in one week, back when they started blocking it.

“And all of the drug references?” Cheryl added. “The school hasn’t exactly loved stuff like that in the past.”

“We will get to that in a moment,” Lou insisted. “Just grab your scripts and set up for the song, okay?” He hesitated, before adding. “Actually, start from PJF. We’ve got some minor switches in there that we should go over real fast. We can work on the transition in then.”

“Simon,” Tracey said, “Grab a chair. Jolene, start looking at some of the non-chorus curse words.”

“Does ‘ass’ count?”

“Yes, sweetheart, ‘ass’ counts.”

“...damnit.”

 

*****

 

“Exhibit A: 'K'! Sit back, listen and learn,” Michael rapped. “A couple of sniffs with a two-second burn. The return is worth every bit. Trust me kids, this is powerful, powder-ful shit-“

“Stop!” Mr. Mazzu called. “Mike, you had to change that.”

“To what?” He asked. He messed with his curls.

“How about stuff?”

“The return is worth every bit. Trust me kids, this is powerful, powder-ful stuff?” He repeated. He didn’t sound too convinced. “Are you seriously changing it to this?”

“Just… Listen, we’re already pushing the envelope with drugs. Please do it for the school board, okay?” Mr. Mazzu crossed out the original lyrics in his script.

Michael sighed. “Yeah, yeah that’s fine.”

“Actual performance you can say it slipped out, alright?” Lou grinned.

“Ooh, daring,” Jolene joked.

“Spring Awakening has changed you,” Tori added, from her place in the audience. “You don’t have any fears anymore, Mr. Mazzu.”

Jolene winked at the other girl. Mr. Mazzu sighed. “Can you both please just let me direct?”

“I can’t,” Jolene said.

“She’s too gay to function,” Jeremy said.

“Hey, that’s only okay when I say it!” Francis hissed.

“Pop culture reference?” Mr. Mazzu asked, much quieter now.

“Mean Girls,” Tracey answered.

“Oh, uh…” He looked down at his script. “Right, Powerful, powder-ful stuff. Sounds good, everyone?” There were some lackluster mumbles of agreement. “Phenomenal. Let’s keep going.”

 

*****

 

Kaitlin sat cross legged on her bed, cellphone pressed to her ear. She looked like the main character in a nineties sitcom, complete with space buns at the top of her head.

“So, tell me about your day,” She said, smiling. “How was English?”

“Okay,” Maashous explained on the other end. “Mrs. Faith still doesn’t like me, but I guess it could be worse.”

“Have you talked to her at all? Explained why you transferred mid-year?”

“Well, she knows I moved….”

“Maashous, tell her what happened.”

“Come with me?”

“I can’t.”

“Gordy could drive you.”

Kaitlin hesitated before answering. “Okay, sure. I’ll… I’ll talk to him.”

“You aren’t going to do it, are you?”

“Probably not. He’s already pissed about Dad making him drive me to dance for the next three weeks. If he had to drive me to Eagleton and didn’t even get to see you? I think he would actually kill a man.”

“I can tell that you really love your brother.”

“Shut up!” Despite that, she laughed hard enough that tears started to form in her eyes. She really loved him.

“Anyway, how’s Stanton?”

“Well, the big bad PTA is at it again.”

“Yikes.”

“Yeah. But, uh, that’s really all that’s going on here. It’s been pretty boring since you left…” She picked at a loose string on her comforter, and shifted her phone. “Do you miss it?”

“Stanton?”

“Yeah.”

“Every day.”

“I miss you.”

“I miss you more.” For a second, Kaitlin pretended that this was a couple thing, that they missed each other solely because they were apart for ten hours. But it was more like ten days, and they didn’t feel that way to each other.

Or rather, Maashous didn’t feel that way. Kaitlin was sure of it. She was like his little sister, more than anything.

Kaitlin sighed. “Can’t you come back?”

“My mom works in Eagleton,” He said. “I can’t.”

“But you could stay with us! I’m sure we could work something out-“

Finally, he snapped. “Kaitlin, do we always have to come back to this? It isn’t going to happen.”

She froze. “Sorry,” She mumbled. “I didn’t mean… I should go. I have homework.”

“Please don’t go, Kait.”

“Why not?”

Maashous sighed, his voice crackling over the phone. “I didn’t mean to upset you. It just makes me really uncomfortable when we talk about me coming back. I want to, I do, but I can’t leave my mom, Kait. I’ve already left her before.”

“I know… I’m really sorry, Maashous.”

“It’s okay, Kait. Do you mind if we change the subject though?”

“No, no, not at all.”

There was silence and static, and then Maashous asked, “What’s the middle school show this year?”

“Oh! Yeah. Mr. Halifax said he’s trying to get the rights to Newsies and I’m actually freaking out.”

“Nice. Am I speaking to the future Spot Conlon?”

“God, I hope so.”

“What’ll you audition with?”

“I don’t actually know right now.”

“What about For Forever?”

“I haven’t sung that, well, for forever.”

“Very funny. Try.”

“Okay.” Kaitlin took a deep breath. “All we see us sky for forever, we let the world pass by for forever. It feels like we could go on for forever this way. Two friends, on a perfect day.” She finished, and smiled. “Good?”

“Perfect. You’re gonna nail it.”

“Thanks, Maashous.”

“It’s all the truth, Kait.”

 

*****

 

Jolene and Casey were driving to school the next day. The car was silent, because Jolene was worried about the screening and Casey was worried about the short film.

“Do you want to go to the Sixteen Candles, Breakfast Club double feature tomorrow at the Caplin?” Jolene asked suddenly. “Francis was going on and on about it last night and we haven’t gone on a real date in awhile so-“

“I can’t, sorry.” They were trying to get Casey’s big scene done in one day, so she had to be at Lexi’s all day.

“What’s up?”

“Oh, uh,” Casey hesitated, “we’re driving to Pittsburgh to see Kyle,” She lied. They hadn’t invited Jo to film, and she didn’t want her to feel bad. “My parents are making me go.”

“Oh jeez.”

“Yeah. I’ll text you, though?”

Jolene nodded. “Yeah, uh, I guess. Sure. That… That works.” Jo just wanted to see her girlfriend for once. It felt like there was this screen between them. Like they weren’t really together anymore. It didn’t feel good.

“Thanks for understanding. I would literally do anything to get out of it, but you know how my parents are!”

“Yeah.” Jolene sighed. “What about formal? Next week? We’re still going then?”

“Obviously.”

“Good.”

“You excited?”

“It’s winter formal,” Jolene said, like it was clearly an answer.

Casey didn’t get it. “And?”

“I mean, it’s a school dance where they don’t turn the lights off and they don’t turn the heat down. It’s excessively hot. And it’s stupid.”

“I don’t think so.”

Jolene rolled her eyes. “Well, you like romantic crap, I guess.”

“Is that such a bad thing?” Casey snapped. “Maybe I want us to have a cute love story. Is that so bad?”

  
  


*****

 

“Hey, Simon?” Jeremy ran up behind Simon, as he headed down the hallway. “Simon, wait up!”

Simon slowed down. “What’s up?”

Jeremy slowed to a walk, and held up his hand as he tried to catch his breath. “Sorry, the only… only cardio I’ve done in two… months, fuck, is the Epiphany choreography.”

Simon laughed. “Join tennis, we’ll whip you into shape pretty fast.”

Jeremy shook his head, and then took one last deep breath. “You’d have to scrape me off the court.”

“We practice on the blacktop out back.”

“Oh, I’d be even more dead then.”

Simon smiled, but he didn’t laugh again. He didn’t know if he was supposed to. “So, uh, what’s up?”

“Well, my mom and us, we’re packing to move to my aunt’s this weekend.” Simon nodded. “And I was wondering if maybe you’d be willing to help me out? We could run lines and stuff.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

“What time? I’ve got a match in the morning…”

“Anytime, really.” Jeremy stopped. “Sorry if that was weird, just, well, uh, my mom just said I should ask a friend and I think Jolene would probably complain constantly, and Annabelle has something this weekend, so I just thought maybe-“

“Jeremy, I’d be happy to.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Is that so surprising?”

Jeremy shook his head. “No, no, I just didn’t think you’d say yes so fast. I thought I was gonna have to throw some of Tori’s homemade mac and cheese into the bargain which would’ve been weird.”

“I mean, mac and cheese sounds great.”

Jeremy laughed. “She can make you some if you come.”

“Great, uh, thanks.”

“No problem.”

Simon jabbed his thumb over his shoulder. “Well, I’ve got to go to class.”

“Study hall for me.”

“Well then, I will see you.”

“See you.”

Simon slipped into the classroom, and Jeremy grinned. Simon Saunders was coming to his house. Simon Saunders. He could’ve danced a jig.

 

*****

 

Sasha finished dabbing on her lipstick in the mirror backstage. “God, I hope this goes okay,” She said quietly to Annabelle, who was messing with her hair next to her.

“Same. I’m so nervous.”

“I swear, if they cut our show, I may actually cut  _ them _ .” Violet added. She had been pacing back and forth across the dressing room for about ten minutes and all it had done was stress them all out more.

“If you don’t stop moving,” Harmony said, “I’m going to cut you.”

There were a few nervous laughs here and there, but it was a tough crowd. The air was crowded with anxiety.

“Look, everyone, let’s take a collective deep breath,” Lexi said. “Like we do before shoots?”

“What?” Jolene asked.

“That movie we weren’t invited to be apart of,” Cheryl explained.

“Hey, you guys got to play leads,” Gwen snapped.

“And you’re a lead the All-State show?” Jo said. “Don’t act like you were horribly wronged, Gwendolyn.”

“Shut up, Jolene Elizabeth.”

Jolene stuck her middle finger in the air, just as Tori pulled the door open.

“Hi- Wait, shit, is everyone decent?” She started to quickly close the door again.

“Calm down, we’ve all stopped giving a shit about stripping at this point,” Harmony said.

“Speak for yourself,” Annabelle said uncomfortably.

“Anyway, uh, Lou said places.”

Jolene hopped up. “What songs, exactly?”

“You and I’s first. We’re skipping Epiphany.”

Jo sat back down. “Great, I have time.”

“No you don’t,” Gwen elbowed her. “Get up.”

Jolene sighed and got back to her feet. “Fine. Whatever. Get out there, all of you.”

“You literally enter the same time I do,” Sasha said, grabbing Jo’s arm. “Let’s go.”

“But I don’t wanna…” The blonde complained, rather uselessly.

“Too bad!”

“Ugh.”

 

*****

 

“You ready?” Jeremy asked Simon quietly. Usually, they didn’t enter from the same side for You and I. In fact, Jeremy was usually center stage instead at the beginning. He was about to be, in about thirty seconds. But first, he wanted to talk to Simon.

“No.”

“The kiss?”

“Yeah.”

Jeremy smiled sympathetically. “Simon, you are the best actor I know. If anyone can nail this song, it’s you.”

In any other situation, with their history, this would be one of those rom-com specific moments where they’d kiss and then Jeremy would rush to his spot. But Jeremy knew Simon. And they were already supposed to be in their places.

So, he skipped the kiss and sprinted to center stage.

Jeremy could vaguely hear Mr. Mazzu explaining what the screening today was for, and what songs they’d be performing. His heart was already pounding. If today didn’t go well, they weren’t going to get a spring musical. And Jeremy wasn’t going to get to kiss his crush a lot. And Simon… Simon was going to fade away again.

Suddenly, the curtain started to rise, and the lights came up. There was no spot, just the stage lights. Jeremy was thankful because that meant he wasn’t painfully blinded.

“Hail Mary, full of grace,” He mumbled, “the lord is with thee. Blessed are thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death, amen.” The irony that he was wearing his bi pride and star of David bracelets as he prayed the Hail Mary crossed his mind, and he loosened up a bit. He started to get more into character. “Hail Mary, full of grace, the lord is with thee. Blessed are thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus,” He could hear as Simon entered the stage, crossed towards him. He didn’t look, just yet. “Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.” Then he finally turned, and went silent.

Simon, in full Jason-Splendor, stood smirking at him. In his hand, he clutched his tennis racket, but he was already setting it down in the lockers they had managed to put together in the last few days.

“Hey, little boy,” He sang, “Would you like a ride? A lollipop, a puppy?” He closed the locker door and leaned into it. “How about a baseball bat? There’s one in my pants.”

“No thank you,” Jeremy countered, stepping towards him. “My mom, she said to never talk to strangers.” Jeremy stepped closer, so they were chest to chest.

“So, a kiss is out of the question then?” Simon looked down at Jeremy’s lips, and Jeremy couldn’t help but wonder how in character that was.

“I’ll take that chance,” And then they were kissing. It was nothing but a brief peck, before Violet crossed past them and they both jumped apart, and started back into the song, but to Jeremy, it was everything. Simon was everything.

He just wished Simon felt the same.

 

*****

 

“We’re doing time in confession,” All of the kids yelled angrily, as they stormed across the stage in a line. “It’s the sacrament of oppression. We have no need for forgiveness because our stuff’s none of his business!”

“He best mind his own business!” Harmony and Violet sang together.

“How does the glory be go?” Lexi asked.

“He gave me nine Hail Mary’s,” Annabelle mumble-sang.

“25 Our Father’s,” Harmony countered.

Michael rolled his eyes in character. “This is so arbitrary.”

“I don’t think God intended confession to be scary,” Annabelle continued.

“Say that you'll forgive me Lord!” They all sang together. “We're doing time in confession, we're working out some oppression. We have no need for forgiveness because our stuff’s none of his business. Hell no, our stuff's none of his business!”

Robbie and Jeremy crossed the stage to the center. Francis entered from the back, and together, the three of them created a triangle of people facing the audience.

“Father,” They started together.

“Can the church be wrong?” Jeremy sang.

“Can a sin be right?” Robbie sang.

“When something that you feel...”

“Something that you saw…”

“Goes against the law, what do you do?” They sang together again.

Robbie continued, “Do you tell?”

“What do I follow?” They asked.

Francis shifted. He looked harder, sadder somehow. Like he knew what they were talking about, and he knew what he was forced to say. “The church's teachings come from centuries of study. Questions of doctrine are best left to greater minds than yours. This is not to say the church is never wrong, but if you hold to her creed you'll never find yourself let down.” He stopped singing. “Is there anything else, son?”

“No, father,” Jeremy and Robbie said at once. There was no melody to follow here, so their words were a little out of sync. It threw Jeremy off, just slightly, so he almost missed his cue.

“Hear my voice,” He rushed out.

“Did you really hear me?” Robbie sang. He gave Jeremy a quick apathetic glance.

Sasha stepped forward. “Hear my voice.”

“I don’t think you see me,” Harmony sang.

“Do you think you know me?” Robbie and Jolene sang together.

Clark frowned. “Did you really hear me?”

Together, Annabelle and Violet sang, “Would you really know me?”

Robbie crossed to Sasha, but she purposely ignored him. “Do you think you see me?”

Together, Lexi, Annabelle, Clark, and Violet sing-yelled, “Hear my voice.”

Then, finally, it was Jeremy’s turn. “If I ever told you…” He sang, his voice even and warm. “If I ever told you…” He glanced at where Simon stood in the wings. The brunette caught his gaze and held it. “If I ever told you…”  _ How I feel _ , He finished mentally. He couldn’t. Not with Simon.

Jeremy didn’t even realize he was still staring until Cheryl crossed to him to start her part, and began to forcefully tap his shoulder to get him to move. He did, slipping in next to Jo in the group of fake-rehearsal attendees. But mentally, he still felt frozen to his spot on the front of the stage, staring at Simon.

Because he was constantly coming back to Simon Saunders, no matter how hard he tried.

 

*****

 

“Hey, I’m going over to a friend’s house to run lines,” Simon called to no one in particular. He was halfway out the door, trying to escape with no questions asked.

“Who?” His dad stopped him short. He was in jeans and a t-shirt, his Saturday uniform. Simon almost wished he was in a suit, because, right then, he didn’t look too threatening.

Looks can be deceiving.

“Robbie’s,” Simon lied. “He’s Jason, remember?” His second lie that week. He gulped down the guilt. “We’re running lines tonight and, uh, his mom’s making dinner.”

His dad nodded slowly, then shoved his hands in his pockets. “Robbie, he’s dating Lilette?”

“Yeah, yeah that’s him.”

“Oh, well, have fun,” Mr. Saunders mumbled. “When do you think you’ll be back?”

“Uh, 8, maybe?”

“Oh, uh, alright.”

Simon started to head back out, before his dad’s voice stopped him once again.

“Your mom and I talked about maybe doing a movie night tomorrow, sound good?” The Saunders family hadn’t had a movie night together since Spring Awakening. The Saunders family hadn’t been in the same room for more than ten minutes since Spring Awakening.

“Yeah, totally. I can’t wait.”

And with that, Simon slipped through the door.

 

*****

 

“Michael?” Michael’s mom called from their living room. She was shifting through some mail.

“Yeah?” He was upstairs, but years of choir taught him how to make his voice carry.

“You’ve got a letter!”

“I’ll get it later.”

“No, I think you’ll want to see this.”

A few moments later, Michael appeared. “Yeah?”

“Doctor Harris recommended you for the LGBT Teens in Performing Arts scholarship program-“

“All teens in theatre are LGBT,” Michael pointed out.

“-And they asked to come to Bare to see how you perform.”

Michael’s eyes widened. “Seriously?”

“Look, I think you should do it. It’s a lot of money towards college tuition and I know you want to continue with this, so…”

Michael jumped forward and hugged her. “Thank you.”

She hugged back without hesitation, but she didn’t wait long before speaking again. “Do you want to wait until next year, though?”

“What?”

“Well, see, your voice will have started to change by next year and that could alter their decision-“

“Nope.”

“But-“

“Tell them to come Bare, please.” He couldn’t tell her, not just yet. He had to wait just a bit longer.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’m positive.”

 

*****

 

“So anyway,” Tori went on, as she crammed the last of her clothes into a box, “Sylvia just rams into me and boom - blended Pop-Tarts. Everywhere.”

Jeremy popped some tape over the top, and let it set. “And that, kids, is why we don’t put Pop-Tarts and milk in a blender.”

“It was incredible.”

“Until you were scraping it out of the carpet,” Simon pointed out. He hadn’t talked much since he got there, but when he did, it always managed to make the twins laugh. Jeremy’s laugh always made his heart skip a beat.

“That’s the last box,” Tori informed the two of them. “I’m gonna go finish up in Anna’s, so go ahead and run lines, okay?”

Simon glanced at Jeremy. “You good with that?” Jeremy asked.

“Oh, yeah. Perfect.”

“Don’t get too in character now, kids,” Tori joked. “The walls are thin, and these twin beds here are squeaky.”

Simon’s eyes widened. He opened his mouth to speak, but Jeremy cut him off. “Tori, don’t. It’s not funny.”

“Whatever, sour puss.” She rolled her eyes, and skipped out of the room, her bare feet slapping the wood floors.

Jeremy shook his head. “I am so sorry about her.”

“No, it’s fine… It’s…”

“Si, we’ve talked about this, you don’t have to act like it’s okay.”

“I know,” Simon hesitated. “I want to, I guess. Um, because then, then it isn’t what it is.”

Jeremy stared at him. “Okay, Jason.”

“Shut up.”

“Speaking of, what do you wanna run?”

“Ever After?”

“What else do you wanna run?”

“What’s wrong with Ever After?”

“Do you want to explain why you’re screaming ‘there’s no such thing as heroes who are queer’ to my parents, or…”

“Oh yeah…” Simon thought for a moment. “What about Bare?” It was dangerous. But he wanted to.

“Oh, yeah, sure!”

Simon took a deep breath. Just before he opened his mouth to sing, though, Jeremy stopped him.

“Should we practice this with blocking?”

_ No, _ Simon thought. “Yeah, sure.”

Simon took Jeremy’s hand, and then slowly closed the gap between the two of them. His heart pounded against his ribs. This wasn’t for show, not really. This was just them. “Do you remember the first time you met me?” He sang quietly. He felt Jeremy’s pulse in his wrist, and it was racing too. Neither of them quite knew what was happening. Neither of them know how they felt. “I swear it was yesterday, I knew with a glance, that you were the question, and you were the answer, and it all would make sense if I just held your hand.” And then Simon went silent. All he could think of was the line in  _ One _ , “If you like me, kiss me, don’t stop.” He liked Jeremy. He did. And they were alone. And maybe, maybe it wouldn’t count if-

“-Oh, so now you just get everything?” A male voice pierced through the air. Simon dropped Jeremy’s hand, but he didn’t move away.

“Get everything? I paid for all of this!”

“Bullshit!”

“See, they actually pay for settling lawsuits, unlike you, Mr. I-Can’t-Pick-Up-My-Own-Cases-Because-I’m-Scared.”

“Oh, come on. You know what? Take the fucking table. I don’t give a shit.”

There was silence again, and then a door slammed.

Jeremy stepped away, and looked at his feet. “Sorry you had to hear that.”

“Is it always like this?”

“No, not always. I think they try to act okay, for us, so we don’t think they’re so… Messed up I guess. We know they are, and they know we know, but we kinda pretend everything’s fine.”

“I’m… I’m really sorry. I can’t imagine what this is like.”

Jeremy shrugged, and sat down on his bed. “My dad started sleeping on the couch when I was fourteen. This whole thing, really, has been a work-in-progress since. It’s just how things are.”

Simon awkwardly perched next to him. “But it’s not. It’s not how things are. Or, uh, it doesn’t have to be.”

Jeremy looked at him. “What is that supposed to mean? I can’t stop their divorce, Simon.”

“But you can stop acting like you’re okay. Jere, the way you broke down at rehearsal the other day… You should talk to them.”

“And tell them what?”

“Tell them you’re struggling, I guess.”

“Because you’ve done such a great job with that yourself,” Jeremy snapped. He knew Simon was being hypocritical, especially after what happened during Spring Awakening, with his dad. He was done.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You won’t do shit to defend yourself to your dad, Simon. And you know it.”

“Jeremy.”

“Does he know you’re playing Jason? That you make out with me onstage?” Silence. “That’s what I thought.”

Simon sighed. “Jeremy, please.”

“Please what?”

“Just… stop. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to be a big deal.”

“Well, it is, okay? So stop.”

Jeremy shuffled a bit further from Simon on the bed. They didn’t speak for awhile, just sat in silence. It was awkward.

And then, Simon broke. “Matt.”

“What?” Jeremy asked. He didn’t look at Simon.

“My parents think I’m playing Matt, not Jason. I don’t even think they know about the plot, but, uh, I didn’t want to tell them.”

“You lied to them?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have, you know, brought up your… situation.”

“I know.” Simon gulped. “I shouldn’t have brought yours up either.”

“Yeah…” Jeremy laughed. “God, we’re both so fucked up, huh?”

“No kidding…” Simon smiled vaguely. They were fucked up, yeah, but they could be okay together. At least, Simon hoped they could.

 

*****

 

**To: Francis**

**Hey, you wanna hit up the John Hughes double feature?**

 

**From: Francis**

**Filming, sorry, Jo.**

 

**To: Francis**

**Oh, okay, cool.**

 

**From: Francis**

**You can come if you want?**

 

**To: Francis**

**Idk, I don’t want to intrude.**

 

**From: Francis**

**Please?**

 

Jo really wished she hadn’t come. Because then she wouldn’t know the truth. Then things wouldn’t be falling apart.

“Jo!” Casey called, as Jo stormed out onto Lexi’s lawn. Everyone was watching from the window. Everyone could see the tears streaming down her face.

“How’s your brother, Case?” She snapped, spinning around. “Oh, wait, that was just bullshit. I forgot.”

“I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

“Why? Because you were hanging out without me? I don’t give a shit!”

“You would’ve!”

“No, actually, I wouldn’t.”

“Calm down, Jo.” She didn’t even look hurt.

“No! You act so holier than thou all the time. But what happened to honesty, Case? Huh? You just tell me lies too.”

Casey squeezed her eyes shut, and Jo realized how much she was struggling to keep it together. That’s how they’d always been: Jo would go off, but Casey, Casey would pass it off until she couldn’t anymore.

“Jo, please, listen.”

Jo shook her head. “No.”

“Jo-“

“Fuck you, Casey!”

Casey stared at her a moment. “We’re… we’re done.”

“What?”

“This isn’t working anymore, okay?”

“So you’re breaking up with me?”

Casey gulped. “Yeah. I am.”

Jo froze, and then she turned and took off running.

Gwen sprinted past Casey, after her best friend. And suddenly the world was silent, still.

Suddenly the world was too destroyed to fix.

 

*****

 

“Okay, back by popular demand, it’s Prince of Egypt!” Mrs. Saunders announced, as she settled into the couch next to Simon. Simon wrapped his arm around Emma, who sat on the other side. “The ultimate family movie night movie.”

“Where’s dad?” Emma asked.

Mrs. Saunders tensed up, ever so slightly. “Uh, he’s just finishing up some work.”

“During family movie night?” Simon asked skeptically.

“Yes, uh, just some filing he needs to finish for tomorrow.” She held the remote out to Simon. “Why don’t you go ahead and start the movie? I’ll go check on him.”

“Mom-“

“Please, Simon,” She begged. He slowly took the remote from her. She strode out of the room, leaving the two of them.

The air was tense.

“How about we watch it in Spanish?” Simon joked, trying to clear the air. He scrolled down to the “Special Features” spot. Emma laughed, but there was still the worry cultivating around them.

Simon slowly scrolled back up, and hit play.

The opening song had barely begun when they first heard it.

“These are our children, Robert!”

“Calm down!”

“No! We promised them tonight.”

“I have work.”

“No, you’re just afraid to deal with all of this anymore.”

“Bullshit!”

Simon squeezed his eyes shut, and pulled Emma closer. He quickly turned the volume of them movie up, but it didn’t help.

“I’m so sorry you are so afraid of yourself, Robert, but right now, I don’t care…” And then their voices faded out.

“They’re getting divorced, aren’t they?” Emma whispered.

“No.” Simon didn’t know.

And then it dawned on him that that same fight had happened only hours ago at Jeremy’s house. Between his parents. Between his  _ divorced  _ parents.

“It’s gonna be okay, Em, alright?”

She didn’t seem so convinced. And Simon didn’t feel so convincing.

 

*****

 

“So, what do you think about blue?” Kaitlin asked Maashous over the phone, as she studied one of the nicer dresses in her closet. “My dad has a really nice blue tie and it matches my favorite dress?”

“Blue?”

“Yeah.”

“I would love it…”

“But?”

Maashous sighed. “Kait, I can’t go.”

Kaitlin dropped the edge of the dress, and it slipped back into her closet. “Why not?”

“I can’t get a ride.”

“Gordy could take you!”

“Do you really think Gordy wants to drive us to homecoming?”

No. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Why don’t I come see you, then?”

“He won’t drive you.”

“I wasn’t thinking about asking him…”

 

*****

 

Robbie sat in his kitchen while his stepmom made dinner, with his laptop set up in front of him. “Alright, and you’re good to stay with Simon?”

“Already made sure,” Lilette informed him. They were video chatting about the coming week. “And he’s also driving to pick me up Thursday, since I know you have track.”

“You sure you can skip school that day?”

“Absolutely positive. I told my drama teacher I was going to visit my old director and he basically wrote my absence excuse.”

“So less than a week until I get to see you then?”

“Counting the hours.”

“Can’t wait.”

Lilette smiled. “I got to get started on my homework, but I’ll text you later, okay?”

“Of course.”

“Love you, Robbie.

“Love you too, Lilette.”

“Bye!” The monitor went black. Robbie smiled, subtly, just happy that he got a chance to talk to her.

“You excited for Friday?” His stepmom asked. “She’s going to school for the day, isn’t she?”

“Oh, uh, yeah.”

“You should have her over for dinner.”

“What?”

“I know you want to go see your mom that night, but if you can spare an hour, I’d like to meet her.”

Robbie’s smile widened. “I’d love that.”

 

*****

 

Simon paced back and forth in his room, holding his phone. Finally, he hit call.

“Simon?” Jeremy asked from the other end.

“Hi.” His voice was hoarse. “Um, obviously with formal coming up this week is busy and all, but uh, do you maybe want to run lines again?”

Jeremy was quiet for a moment. “Simon, are you okay?”

“Um, my parents are fighting, I guess. But it’s fine, I just…”

“Why don’t you spend the night at my place next week?”

“Really?”

“Well, my aunt’s place… Uh, my cousin’s in town from Penn and he’s in musical theatre and stuff so he’s happy to talk to you, if you want. I know you’re thinking about going there.”

Simon smiled. “I’d love that so much.” He gulped. “Thanks.”

“Anytime. Uh, I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah, gotta see if Stanton Drama’s still alive.”

“Totally. Goodbye, Simon.”

“Bye.”

 

*****

 

Michael got the call from Sasha right before he entered the auditorium. 

“What’s up?” He asked.

“Michael,” She gulped.

“What’s wrong? Are you not going to practice or-“

“Look, just, there’s a problem with the set… And, uh, please, just… I don’t know if you wanna see this.”

“What do mean?”

“Just… Some stuff. Triggering stuff… I… I’m in here when you get here, okay?” Then she disconnected.

Without a moment's hesitation, Michael shoved through the doors, and froze.

The set was in ruins. Their basic wooden walls were broken to pieces, and the locker that Maashous has so painstakingly helped him with was ripped to shreds.

The worst part of it all, though, was the only piece left intact. It was their big stained glass window backdrop, made from glass bottles, mason jars, and other stained glass. It took weeks to make.

And now, written in red paint across it, was “Fags”. Michael’s heart almost stopped.

“What the hell?” He asked. He chucked his bag down, and sprinted over to where Sasha stood. She had spent so much time on that window…

“Kyle Fredricks and Brad Culler,” She mumbled. “Security cameras picked them up. They didn’t even try to hide their faces.”

“They did this?”

Sasha nodded. “And they only got a week’s detention.”

“What are we going to do?”

“I… I don’t know. But we don’t have the funding, at all… What if they shut down Stanton Drama because of it?”

“They can’t… Can they?”

“I don’t know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY THANKSGIVINGS YOU AMERICANS. as a fellow united-states-ian, i’m on thanksgiving break and will probably write like 4000 words before i once again go dormant. that being said, here’s a quick lil list of what i’m thankful for:  
> *y  
> *’  
> *a  
> *l  
> *l  
> love you all, thank you!


	10. Understudies 5

Gwen stormed back and forth through Lou’s classroom, clenching and unclenching her fists.

“Gwen,” Gordy said. He, along with most of the troupe, stood together, watching his rage-filled pacing.

“What.” It wasn’t a question, it was a threat.

“Stop.”

“Why?” She suddenly snapped. “We know those kids. Those are football kids! Those are your friends, my friends. And they did this. They fucking did this.”

“Gwen, we can get the money back-“ Harmony started.

“Do you really think that’s why I’m mad?”

Harmony hesitated. “I mean…”

Gwen crossed her arms. “Har, I love you, I do. But this… This is a fucking hate crime. Against all of us.” Annabelle raised one of her hands. “Against most of us. And I’m not just gonna sit here and let it happen. They got away with it and… And I just… I can’t let them get away with it.”

“What are we supposed to do about it though?” Sasha asked. “No one’s gonna care about a group of theatre kids.”

“We aren’t even an official club anymore,” Violet pointed out.

“And we payed for the sets ourselves,” Lexi continued, “So it’s not school property.”

“We’ve got nothing,” Casey concluded.

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Gwen grinned. “We’ve got a plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wOah i’m back boys. does anyone even read this anymore? who bloody knows kids. but yeah. please enjoy. leave me a comment. ya know.


	11. Episode 6: Go Get ‘Em Tiger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK! My beta editor has fallen off the earth (aka has been in college) so that’s why this took so dang long. This might be a bit rough then but fingers crossed it’s all good. I’m hoping to get back into the writing grove this summer, so there should be more. Hit up @wizardwomenwisdom on tumblr, leave comments here, all that. Love you guys. Enjoy.
> 
> TW: panic attacks, mentions of abuse and rape, homophobic slurs

Lilette slowly descended the stairs of her apartment building, backpack slung over her shoulder. It was heavy with overnight clothes and a dress, as well as a few car snacks. She was going home, for the first time in a long time.

She rounded the corner at the bottom of the stairs, and pushed open the door. And there, parked next to the curb and leaning against the hood of the car, was Simon Saunders.

“Simon!” Lilette yelled. Throwing caution to the wind, she chucked her bag on the ground and sprinted to him. He greeted her with open arms, and pulled her into a hug. They clung to each other for dear life.

“Hi,” Simon whispered.

She buried her head into his neck. “Hi,” She mumbled back.

They didn’t say much else, and instead just stood there, holding onto each other. It was like neither of them could believe it was happening.

Finally, Simon stepped back. “You’re still alive,” He said.

“I called you yesterday, Saunders.”

“Okay, so?”

Lilette started laughing. “Shut up.”

“Fine, grab your bag. We gotta get going.”

She rushed back to her backpack, and grabbed it. “Alright. Trunk or backseat?”

“Is there food in there?”

“Yes.”

“Backseat. Completely.”

Lilette pulled the back door open and chucked her bag in. Then she climbed into her side of the car. Simon hopped into the driver’s seat, and they were off.

“So,” Lilette asked, after they had been driving for a little while. “What’s the damage?”

“Damage?”

“With the sets?”

“Yeah.” Simon gulped. The graffiti was burned into his mind. “We don’t have a set at all. We couldn’t salvage anything after, you know….”

“Yeah.” She hesitated, before asking, “Are you doing okay with… you know…”

He did. “I don’t know, actually.”

“The graffiti.”

He wasn’t. “I think so.”

More hesitance. “And your dad?”

Simon shrugged, trying to hide that he was slowly decaying inside. The bomb in his chest was pulling everything in slowly, just waiting to give in. “He just thought it was because of the stigma that comes with theatre, I guess. But I don’t mind all that much, him thinking that way.”

“Since you haven’t told him?”

“Since I haven’t told him.”

Of course, they were talking about the show, not Simon’s secret. He hadn’t even told Lilette, and he didn’t plan on it.

“You excited to see Robbie?” He asked, as he switched his turn signal on.

“Of course,” Lilette said. “You, Robbie, Jolene…”

“Jo?”

“Yeah.”

“You guys were friends?”

“She’s kept me updated on Stanton life for the past few months,” Lilette explained.

Simon gulped. He didn’t know how to tell her that it hurt that she wouldn’t talk to him, but it did.

“Simon,” Lilette said. He never could hide his emotions from her. “Look, what I told you, on the phone? It’s all true. Right now, talking to you, I just want to lock myself in this car and never leave. I want to stay home. But I can’t.”

“You could. You could come live with me and stop me from being an idiot.” He gestured to the fading bruise on his cheek.

“You’re always gonna be an idiot, Saunders.” Lilette grinned. “I can’t help you there.”

“Shut up.”

“Never.”

Simon didn’t say it, but he wanted to lock the doors and stay there forever, too.

 

*****

 

“Lou, this has gone too far,” Principal Ward said, as he sat down at his desk.

“Why?” Lou shot back. He already had his defenses up.

“Parents are calling me about the sets, the graffiti… It’s too much.”

“And what do you propose we do about it? Change the show?”

Evan shook his head. “End it.”

“No.”

“Lou, please. I know you’re trying to do what’s right here, but we can’t continue to support this.”

“Support what?”

“Another controversial show.”

Lou hesitated, before mumbling, “So we let these… these assholes win.”

“Lou.”

“Evan, don’t. This was a hate crime, and you’re punishing my students for it.”

Principal Ward sighed. “Look, Lou, I know that…”

“And I remember when they announced you would be principal and people were contacting the school board because they didn’t approve.”

Ward froze, staring at Lou.

“You didn’t back down then. And you can’t back down now.” Lou sighed, ran a hand over the five o’clock shadow that covered his jaw. “The district won’t let us start a GSA around here, so for those kids, this is their safe space. This is all they have, Evan. I mean, one of our boys… He’s… He didn’t want his role because he was afraid his parents…” He stopped. He couldn’t say that, not when everyone know about Robert Saunders. “We have to show those assholes who did this that these kids aren’t stopping.”

Ward hesitated, and then said, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes. The school will back you. Okay.”

Lou exhaled, and leaned back. They were gonna be okay.

 

*****

 

Coach Strickland was setting up the lighting for the dance in the gym when Gordy found him.

“Hey, coach?” He called.

The older man didn’t look down from his spot atop a bright orange ladder, just nodded.

“Heya, Gordy.”

“So-“

“No funny business with Gwen at this dance, okay?”

“That’s not what I-“

“I may not do anything, but I can’t say the same for Gwen’s mom.” He twisted in the last screw, and then turned. “And if I hear you did anything without her consent-“

“Coach, with all due respect, I’m more afraid of her than I am you.”

Coach Strickland laughed. “Fair enough.” He grabbed another screw and moved to the next attachment. “So, Gordy, how’re your meetings going?”

Gordy shrugged. He didn’t know how to explain that Gwen was the reason he was working so hard to get better, so he didn’t. “Fine. I’m making a lot of progress, which is really good.”

“I’ve heard.”

“That’s not what I’m here to talk about though.”

Strickland stopped and leaned back. “Hmm?”

“I’m here to talk about the boys that vandalized the sets.”

“What about them?” Strickland set down the small hand screwdriver that he was using, and started to shift the metal piece with both hands. “I heard they got suspended.”

“Detentions, actually… And it was Fredricks and Culler.”

Coach turned around as much as he could on his ladder and studied Gordy. “Starting Defensive Line ‘Fredricks and Culler’?”

Gordy gulped. Maybe he shouldn’t have done this. “Yeah.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No.”

Coach hesitated, and then slid down the ladder. “I… Tell them I want to see them. Scratch that, they’ll think you told me. I’ll do it myself.”

“Coach, what do you-“

“I’ll see you Saturday Gordy.”

“Coach-“

But he was gone, and Gordy was alone in the gym.

 

*****

 

“Attention everyone!” Ms. Wolfe strode onto stage, her skirt billowing as she walked. “We have a very special guest here today-“

Lilette and Simon came up the stairs behind her, arm-in-arm. Everyone knew she was coming, since Simon left school to get her, but it still didn’t seem real.

“All the way from Philadelphia,” Simon said in a cheesy announcer voice, as he threw his arm around her shoulders. Lilette giggled, but that faded to silence.

“Yes, yes, hold the applause,” Lilette mused. Everyone was holding their breath, worried that she was just a piece of paper that would blow away in a second.

Finally, Jolene rushed forward and pulled Lilette into a hug. “You’re actually alive,” Jo mumbled.

It was contagious. Suddenly, everyone pulling Lilette into hugs, group or otherwise. She had a huge grin on her face. She was home.

Last but not least came Robbie, and he fully picked her up and spun her around, before pulling her into his chest.

“Heya,” Lilette said after a moment.

“Gone forever and all you can say is ‘heya’?,” Robbie said.

It was an incredibly intimate moment, and everyone else seemed to agree. They turned and left the happy couple be, now instead focusing their full attention on Tracey.

“What are we doing about the set?” Francis asked.

“Why don’t we show Lilette a bit of our performance?” Tracey said. “We can deal with the sets later. What d’ya kids think?”

There were a few murmurs of approval, and a couple slow nods.

“We’ve got from ‘Are You There?’ until the half completely blocked,” Francis offered. Then, more quietly, he said, “Then I’m not on stage.”

“What about ‘Wedding Bells’?” Gwen said. “Just so, ya know, she can hear me.”

Tracey sighed. “We’ll go with Francis’s idea. Robbie?” Robbie finally released Lilette. “Grab a water bottle and get stage left. Jeremy, stage right. Lilette, you’re welcome to sit front row or up with me.” She started down the stairs, and called to Tori, who was up in the light box, “Tori, you can watch from down here, too.”

The blonde was down the stairs in a heartbeat. “Got it boss!”

Lilette grudgingly left the stage, and went to join Tori in the front row of the seats. They’d never really been close friends, but there they were, waiting for their friends to start together.

“How’s it going?” Lilette asked quietly.

“Good, actually,” Tori whispered. “Robbie’s phenomenal.”

“How’re Simon and Jeremy?”

“Absolutely perfect together.”

Lilette nodded, but didn’t otherwise respond.

After a moment, Tori said, “Is he straight?”

“Who?” Lilette already knew.

“Simon.” Lilette hesitated, just long enough that Tori got the idea. “So it’s his dad...” Jeremy told her all about it.

“Yeah.”

“Jeremy likes him.”

“I figured. I think Simon likes Jeremy.”

“But he can’t.”

“Yeah.”

Tori frowned, and settled back into her chair.

 

*****

 

“I thought for all the best,” Simon sang, as he badly tried to act as Romeo. He definitely needed to reread that play, because he had no idea what was happening. And the lingering feeling of dread that had filled his body since the set incident made it worse.

“Alive in triumph, and Mercutio slain,” Robbie sang, hoisting his own plastic sword up.

Simon fake-swung his own blade at him, and Robbie suddenly dropped his and hurled his body forward into Simon. It was simply their blocking, with Simon stepping back a bit, and then kneeling down, so that they could start actually fighting. They rolled across the stage, throwing fake punch after fake punch. It was almost like their fight the other day, like Tracey had blocked it based off of that. She probably did.

Finally, they ended with Robbie crouching over Simon, holding him by the front of his shirt.

“Fag,” Robbie hissed, before dropping Simon’s body to the ground.

Simon didn’t catch himself right, this time, and his face hit the stage. Right where his dad hit him.

It wasn’t a hard hit, but it was the hardest he’d been hit in a while. Simon started to get up, then he froze. His mind traveled back to the graffiti. To the word. To the night after Spring Awakening, to a time he had buried so deep in his mind that it seemed like a bad dream. To when his dad…

_ My son’s a fag, huh? _

“Simon?” Tracey called. He’d missed his cue, and he struggled to sit, but couldn’t get to his feet. Every breath was gulped down his throat, passed the lump that had formed there. His lingering dread became more, more, more. It started eating away at him.

He heard feet pounding on the stage, but it all sounded so far off. The most immediate sound was his heartbeat, thudding against his ribs, threatening to break out of his chest. His vision wasn’t obscured, but it wasn’t right. It wasn’t his sight. It was so damn wrong.

“Simon!” Lilette said. It was so far away, but she was right there, holding his shoulders. Everything felt like lead. He couldn’t move. “Simon, breathe,” She mumbled.

Breathe. He was supposed to breathe. So why couldn’t he? Why couldn’t his lungs open up, take in oxygen?

But they were all so close and they all wanted something from him. They all wanted him to be perfect, or talented, or just okay right now.

_ Why the hell would you do this to me? _

Tears were coming out of his eyes, and they were wet and hot and he didn’t want them. He just wanted to be calm

“Guys, why don’t we go chill in the Green Room for a minute?” Violet asked softly. “Give him some room.”

“I’m staying,” Jolene insisted. She sounded like a movie character when the volume was low. Simon was just clinging to the words, trying to focus on something other than the terror that filled his head.

“No.”

_ You’re a disappointment. _

They were gone. Jolene didn’t stay, Lilette didn’t stay. He was alone in the theater. 

Alone except for…

Jeremy watched him from the lip of the stage. He was standing casually, and he looked like he’d been standing like that forever. It was strangely calming, even though something in Simon’s mind told him it wasn’t supposed to be.

Simon finally inhaled. Really inhaled. His body still felt like lead, his muscles didn’t work, and tears streamed down his face. But he was finally breathing again.

Jeremy didn’t want anything from him. He used to, but he didn’t anymore. And for some reason, that cleared Simon’s head.

Or maybe it was just Jeremy who cleared Simon’s head.

“Hi,” Simon said weakly.

Jeremy smiled. Simon melted.  “Hey.”

“Sorry about that.”

“You shouldn’t be.”

Simon’s chest hurt, but it wasn’t because his heart was still thudding so damn hard. It was because of the dread that started in his heart and spread through his veins like cold fire. His face sunk. Everyone was going to hate him for ruining practice. And Tracey was going to call his dad and tell him about the breakdown and-

“Hey, hey,” Jeremy whispered, as he sped across stage to Simon. “Si, don’t worry about it.”

“Jere…”

He knelt down, looked Simon in the eye. “The bomb effect?”

Simon nodded slowly. “The bomb effect.”

“God, you deserve so much better.”

Jeremy softly placed his hand on Simon’s knee, and Simon had the urge to pull him closer. He fought it. “Jeremy, why did you stay up here?”

His hand dropped. “I wasn’t freaking out, I guess. Tracey got worried about Lilette and Jo stressing you out more, or something.”

“So you weren’t worried about me?”

Jeremy shook his head. “Of course I was, Si. But, I also knew what was going on, a little.”

Simon’s ears perked at that. “You knew?”

“Fff…” He trailed off. “That word triggers a lot of people, I get it.”

“Oh.” Simon stopped for a moment, before changing the subject. That wasn’t supposed to trigger him. It wasn’t. “So, you and Annabelle are going to homecoming together?”

“Huh?”

“Harmony told me you were, so I was just…”

“I mean, we’re matching and all, but we aren’t together. If that makes sense.”

“You aren’t dating.”

“Yeah.”

Simon tried to convince himself that he felt relieved to hear that simply because Annabelle was his ex, but even he wasn’t that good of a liar.

“You going?” Jeremy asked.

“I was planning on it, but I don’t know.”

“You better save me a dance.” Simon gulped. “Joking, Saunders. Don’t worry about it.”

“Maybe a fast song?” Simon said before he could stop himself.

Jeremy grinned. “Really?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

Jeremy slowly pushed to his feet. “You feeling any better?”

Simon nodded, and it was true. He felt so much better because of Jeremy.

 

*****

 

“Okay, so anyway,” Michael said, setting his bag down on the kitchen floor, “He calls on me and I. Can’t. Answer. Like I don’t know the answer at all, I’m so screwed, all this stuff. And then Clara just yells the answer out to save me.”

“Michael!” His dad scolded.

“What? No one else knew it either.”

“You can’t just let other people answer for you. You have to pay attention.”

Michael slumped into a kitchen chair. “I know, I know. I just hate bio.”

“And I hate bad grades. So don’t get ‘em.” He ruffled his curls, and started to get to work on dinner. “Now, Tell me, how is Sasha?”

“Dad.” 

“Oh come on, I just wanna know about my son’s first girlfriend.”

“Mmm hmm.”

“Mike.”

“Fine. She’s good. Excited for Saturday.”

His dad nodded. “I’m gonna get your suit from the dry cleaners after I finish dinner. Sound good?”

“I can get it,” Michael said. “It’s like a block away, seriously.”

“No, no, you’re gonna start your homework.” His dad grinned. “So that you don’t keep needing Clara’s help in class.”

Michael rolled his eyes, and leaned back in his chair. “Shut up.”

“No way.” Suddenly, Michael’s dad stopped, and turned to face him. “Mikey, is she doing okay, after….”

“Dad, I-“

“Because if she isn’t, I know your mom has someone to-“

“Dad, please don’t. She’s fine, I think. She’s seeing someone for help. If I were concerned, I’d let you know.”

His dad nodded, slowly. “I know. I just want to look out for her. I…”

“Worry?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t. She’s okay. She can handle herself.”

“You can’t.”

“Yeah I can!”

“Clara?”

“Shut up!”

 

*****

 

“So, you’re having dinner with Robbie tomorrow night,” Simon said. He was sitting cross legged on his floor, with Lilette laying on her stomach on his bed. “And then formal.”

“And then formal.”

“You excited?”

“I don’t know. I think it’s honestly so silly.”

“Why’s that?”

“It’s a high school dance. Half of those couples won’t be together in three weeks.”

“At least you get to dance with Robbie.”

“I’d rather watch disney movies and eat M&Ms.”

“Hey, that’s our thing.”

“Obviously.”

“So, why-“ Simon finally figured it out. “You meant with me.”

“Took you long enough, Saunders.” She hopped off his bed, and sat down next to him. “I brought M&Ms if you’re down.”

“I’d love to. I need a Lilette night right now.”

She frowned. “Simon, do you wanna talk about-“

Simon’s phone buzzed, and he quickly pulled it out.

 

**From: jeremy**

**Hey, is next Saturday okay? Or would Friday be better?**

 

Lilette leaned over to read, and just before Simon could pull his phone away, she asked, “Jeremy?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you guys…”

“No.”

“Simon.”

“Lilette.”

They both knew what Lilette was asking, and they both knew why it was a no, but neither wanted to say it.

“I’m spending the night at his house next week, to run lines,” Simon said.

“Friday?”

“I think?”

Lilette nodded. “Have you met his family yet?”

“Shut up.”

Lilette rested her head on his shoulder. “Well, I’m happy you’re getting along without me.”

“I’m not.”

“You totally are.”

Simon turned his head slightly to look at her. “What about you?”

“Hmm?” She looked up at him. “What about me?”

“You getting along?”

“Yes, mom.”

“I hate you.”

“Hate you too, Mom.”

They sat in silence for a moment, and then, Simon smiled. “So, M&Ms, you say?”

Lilette rolled her eyes, and moved to grab her bag.

 

*****

 

Gordy parked in the back lot the next morning, like he always did. It was early, like it always was when he drove himself.

No one was there with him. Or so he thought.

He pulled the keys out of the ignition, and pocketed them. He didn’t move, at first. It was nice being by himself for just a moment. It was nice being away from the constant hovering of his parents, his sisters, his girlfriend. He loved them all, but they stressed over him a little too much. So he liked moments like this, were he could sort through his thoughts.

It wasn’t very long before his peace was shattered completely.

“Hey, Mazzu!”

Shit.

Gordy opened his door. “‘Morning, Culler.”

“You mind telling us why Coach just cut us from the team?” Fredricks added.

“Huh?”  _ Play dumb _ , Gordy thought.  _ Maybe they’ll just go away _ .

“You fucking snitch.”

“I’m sorry, I’m confused. You think I… What?”

Culler glared. “Don’t play dumb. You ratted us out to Coach.”

“I didn’t.”

“It wasn’t your little girlfriend, because she would’ve told him when it happened.”

“And it wasn’t the school board,” Fredricks added, “because they didn’t give a shit.”

“So it had to be you.”

Gordy gulped, and his act crumbled. “It was a hate crime.”

“Faggot.”

“You’re the ones that smack each other’s asses for fun. And if I remember correctly, Culler, you made a freshman blow you during summer practices, didn’t you? Called it hazing?”

Culler glanced at Fredricks and fire blazed in his eyes. Gordy fucked up.

 

*****

 

“Evan, is it about the show?” Lou asked as he entered the office. Then he saw Gordy. And the blood and bandages that covered sections of his face and hands.

“Culler and Fredricks targeted him,” Principal Ward explained slowly.

“The ones who vandalized the sets?”

“They got kicked off the team for it,” Gordy mumbled. His face was completely torn up, like someone had slammed it against the asphalt outside. Actually, Lou realized, that was probably what happened.

“I’m confused,” Lou said. “Why were you involved?”

Gordy looked down. “I told Coach it happened.”

“He wasn’t aware of it already?”

Evan shook his head. “The board didn’t think it was necessary to let him know.”

“Why not?”

“Because they’re starters,” Gordy said. They all knew he was right.

“Not anymore,” Principal Ward said, after a moment. “A fight on school property is a suspension, usually. But with their history, the board thinks it’s best if they leave.”

“They’re gonna be expelled?”

“Asked to leave, technically. But yes.”

Gordy tried to smile, but stopped, as the pain caused him to wince. “Good. That’s… That’s good.” He looked at Lou. “Can I go home for the rest of the day?”

“With that face? You can stay home all week.”

 

*****

 

Annabelle was waiting by her locker for Jeremy like she normally did in the morning. She checked her phone again. Four minutes until the bell and he was nowhere to be found.

“Jeremy,” She mumbled under her breath, like she was cursing. “Get here now…”

Like an answered prayer, a familiar blonde head appeared around the corner. Jeremy was mouthing the lyrics to whatever music was playing through his headphones. Annabelle squinted slightly, to make out the song. “See me?” She asked, as he got closer.

“You know it,” Jeremy responded, without taking out his earbuds.

“How can you keep your music so quiet?” Annabelle moved out of the way, so he could reach his locker.

“I don’t want to hurt my ears.” He reached into his bag, and pulled out his Bare script. He shoved it in his locker.

“Then don’t listen to music?”

Jeremy looked at her and sighed. He reached up and ripped out his headphones. “Happy?”

“Now we can talk like normal people.”

“Whatever.”

She grinned. “So, are we on for formal?”

“Are we?”

“Well, I mean did someone ask you?”

“You know the answer to that.”

“I mean, Simon.”

Jeremy’s face fell. “Annie, no.”

“Come on, you guys were-“

“Shut up. Please.”

Annabelle sighed. “You have great stage chemistry. That’s all.”

Jeremy zipped his bag up and threw it over his shoulder. “You ready?”

“Jere, I-“

“Stop. Please.”

Annabelle sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I’m ready. Let’s go.”

 

*****

 

The rest of the cast huddled in the wings while Robbie and Simon ran their fight in Reputation Stain’d together on stage again. Simon had been pretending that nothing happened since practice began, but Jeremy could tell that all of them were keeping a special eye on him. All of them but…

“Oh my god,” Gwen mumbled, staring at her phone. She took a quick selfie, her screen turning white with the flash, and typed something, before sending it.

Jeremy tapped her shoulder. “Everything okay?”

“Huh? Oh, uh…” She frowned. “Gordy got beat up this morning.”

“Culler and-“

“Yeah. He told my dad about them, and, well, they weren’t pleased.”

Jeremy raised his eyebrow. “Your dad did something about them?”

“He likes theatre kids, you know.”

“But does he? Does he really?”

“Shut up.”

“I’m just joking, don’t worry. I thought you might want someone to lighten this all up a bit.”

Gwen slowly smiled. “I guess. It’s kind of scary seeing your boyfriend like that. I mean, his face was a wreck and there was blood and it made me feel so… so… I mean, you know what I mean.”

“Huh?”

“With Simon and Robbie-“

“Simon and I aren’t dating,” Jeremy blurted out. “He’s straight.”

“I’ve kissed that boy before, Jeremy, and he isn’t straight.”

“Yeah, well…”  _ Same _ , Jeremy thought.

“Forget it, you aren’t together. I get that. Maybe showmances only strike once a year.”

“Maybe.”

Gwen’s phone lit up, and she opened the snap. She filmed herself rolling her eyes, and then looked back to Jeremy. She opened her mouth, and then closed it.

Jeremy grinned. “Is the great Gwen Strickland speechless?”

She rolled her eyes again, this time at him, and then finally asked, “How’re you doing?”

“What?”

“With your parents. How are you doing?”

“Oh.” Jeremy shifted. “Not well. My dad’s moving into an apartment.”

“And your mom?”

“We’re living with my aunt and my cousins.”

“That sounds… Cramped.”

Jeremy laughed. “She’s a pediatrician and her husband’s a dentist. They live in a certified mansion.”

“Wait, are you staying with Zach?”

“You know Zach?”

“Um, duh. He was my childhood crush.”

“Never tell me that again.”

“I was young and impressionable, okay? And he could sing like a god.”

“Why are you elaborating on this?”

Gwen laughed, and Jeremy realized he hadn’t heard her laugh in awhile.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“How’re you and your dad doing?”

Gwen’s smile slipped. “We’re… better. I spent the night at his house last Saturday. But it was… well, it was weird.”

“Do you guys talk?”

“Of course, but it’s like we’re talking through this thick veil, even though we’re together. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah.”

Gwen smiled.

“Jeremy?” Lou called from out front. “We’re gonna run Ever After.”

“That’s my cue,” Jeremy said, hoping to his feet.

“Go get’em, Tiger.”

Jeremy stopped. “Tiger?”

“It’s something my dad used to say. I’m trying it out.”

 

*****

 

“Did you get your formal tickets, or should your dad stop by the front office before and pick them up?” Gail Mazzu asked Gordy, while he cooked dinner. She was just getting home from lessons.

“Hey to you too, Mom.”

“Okay, that was uncalled for.”

Gordy shrugged. He turned towards the island, to grab some pasta sauce, and his mom caught sight of his face.

“Oh my God, Gordy, what happened?”

“It’s nothing. It doesn’t matter now anyway.”

“It does to me.”

Gordy sighed. “Two guys on the football team beat me up.”

“Who?”

“Who do you think?”

“You told Coach about the stage?”

“Yeah.”

Kaitlin entered the kitchen at that moment. “Hey Mom,” She mumbled, as she took a seat at the counter. “Gordy looks pretty badass, huh?”

“Language,” Gordy warned.

“Shut up.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Gail said.

Kaitlin squinted. “I mean, I can definitely see the zombie look instead, yeah.”

“Hey,” Gordy snapped.

“Kaitlin, leave your brother alone.”

She grinned. “Fine.”

Gail slid past Gordy, took his spoon, and started stirring the pasta. “So, plans for the weekend?”

“Formal,” Gordy answered.

“Well, I figured. Kaitlin, do you have a dress that you can wear? Did Sasha have one?”

Kaitlin’s face fell. “Maashous can’t go anymore, remember?” She responded.

“You can still go.” Kaitlin shook her head. “Okay, sorry I suggested it.”

“Middle schoolers can’t go to high school dances anyway,” She mumbled. “It’s not a big deal.” She stood up, the stool scraping against the floor.

“Kait,” Gail said, quietly. It didn’t do anything. Kaitlin left the room almost as quickly as she had entered it.

“Was I ever like that?” Gordy asked.

Gail grinned. “Of course you were.”

 

*****

 

Lilette was just picking at her food. She had barely eaten anything since dinner had started. What if Robbie’s parents didn’t like the way she ate? Or thought she too trashy for their son? They already didn’t like her.

“This is great,” Robbie said, trying to break the awkward silence that had settled on the group.

“It’s incredible,” Lilette agreed.

“You haven’t eaten that much of it,” Robbie’s dad said. Lilette blushed.

“She’s nervous,” Robbie’s stepmom said. “We kind of put her on the spot.”

“She performs in front of hundreds for fun. She can’t be that nervous.”

“It’s different, Dad,” Robbie said.

“Speaking of stage fright, though,” Robbie’s stepmom smiled at Lilette, and she suddenly felt very thankful for the subject change, “Robbie tells us you’re in the All State show?”

“Yeah, we’re doing Rent.”

“Maureen?”

Lilette shook her head. “Mimi. Gwen’s Maureen, actually.”

“You’re gonna have to perform for us sometime,” She said. “You were so incredible in Spring Awakening. I don’t think I’ve ever cried that much.”

Lilette looked down at her plate. “Robbie was the person who really sold it.”

“He had to try and sell that awful relationship as something healthy,” Robbie’s stepmom said, “but you had to really make it all come to life. Don’t sell yourself short.”

Lilette glanced at her, and then at Robbie. He gave her a small, supportive smile.

“Thank you.”

“Of course, angel.”

 

*****

 

Sasha tugged at the navy blue velvet material of her dress, adjusting it over her stomach again and again. It never looked right— nothing ever looked right anymore.

“You look gorgeous,” Her dad said, from his spot at the door. “Just like your mom, when I took her to prom.”

“It’s just formal,” Sasha mumbles, shifting the dress once more.

“And yet you look just a beautiful.” He moved up behind her, and placed a hand on her arm. “You don’t need to keep fixing it.”

“I look awful.”

“You know that’s not true.”

“Do I?”

Sasha’s dad looked at her, and then look at the reflection in the mirror. “I think you do. Deep down. You just have to let yourself.”

Sasha frowned, and looked up at him. “How do I do that?”

“You stop blaming yourself. It’s not your fault, hon. And it never will be.”

Sasha couldn’t look him in the eye. Her face fell. She felt his fingers on her chin, as he lifted it so that she had to look at him.

“Sasha, it wasn’t your fault. It isn’t. You couldn’t have done anything to stop it.” His hands slid to her shoulders, and rested there. “Sometimes, sometimes this stuff happens. And it hurts. Fuck, it  _ kills _ . And you don’t deserve it, you don’t want it, you sure as hell don’t need it. But it’s a part of life.”

Sasha stared at him for one more moment, and then she threw her arms around him. After a moment, he realized she was crying.

“Don’t cry,” He whispered. “You’ll ruin your makeup.”

Sasha laughed. It was a hiccup-y, mid sob laugh, but her shoulders shook and she smiled and that was enough.

“You gonna be okay tonight?”

“Yes,” Sasha answered. She was.

 

*****

 

Simon didn’t want to go to the dance.

He still had the sick feeling in his stomach from the other day, and his body still ached from the panic attack. He was afraid he’d get triggered again, if something happened…

Lilette bumbled into his room in a dress. “You ready, Si?”

“No.”

“You’re the one who’s supposed to be good to go,” She said, and then she stopped. He was standing shirtless in front of the mirror, his face twisted into an unreadable expression. “Hey, are you okay?”

He shrugged, and then shook his head. “I’m not going.”

“Si-“

“I can’t.”

“Come on, it'll be fun.”

Simon shook his head. “You go, Lilette. I’m not going to be any fun anyway.”

She frowned, but then nodded. “Okay, okay. I’ll miss you.”

“No you won’t.”

“Oh I for sure will.”

“I refuse to believe it.”

“Shut up!”

For a moment, Simon forgot the way thinking of the gym and the dance and seeing Jeremy in tux made him want to throw up. And then it all came back to him. The color drained from his face.

“Simon.”

No response.

“You don’t want to go because of him, do you?”

“Because of who?”

Lilette didn’t say it. She could see the panic building inside, feel Simon’s fears as her own. And she didn’t want to push him or this.

So she didn’t. She shook her head, and headed back into the bathroom to finish her makeup.

 

*****

 

“Mom, have you seen my tie?” Gordy called. He studied himself in the mirror again. He looked like his dad in his suit, and he hated it. “Mom?”

She opened his door, but she was completely empty-handed. “Gordy.”

“Did Dad take my tie or-“

“Kaitlin’s gone.”

Gordy froze. “What?”

“She’s gone and your father’s at the school and I don’t…. I don’t know what to do.”

Gordy pulled his phone out. “I’ll call Gwen and cancel, okay? I’ll… I’ll got looking for her. We’ll both go.”

Gordy’s mom nodded. “I’ll call her again, okay?”

Gordy nodded, but he was calling his girlfriend already. Just as Gordy’s mom was leaving the room, she answered.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Kaitlin’s missing.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you out looking for her?”

“I’m heading out. Look, go to the dance-“

“I’m coming with you.”

“Gwen, you don’t have to.”

“But I want to.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. I’ll be there in ten.”

“I’ll see you then.” Then, he whispered, “Thank you.”

“Of course.”

 

*****

 

Jolene sat alone in her bedroom. Her stomach ached. She ate an apple earlier, so technically she was healthy, right? Her rule was to keep under 500 calories, but she was eating. She’d be fine.

She ran her songs by herself, with the cello she borrowed from the school.

“A quiet night at home,” She sang, “Silent night. A joy to pass a quiet night at home.”

 

*****

 

Simon Saunders sat alone in his room. He hated this. Hated being by himself, hated being a burden to his friends, hated the sick feeling in his stomach.

But even more than that, he hated the blond boy who was doing this to him.

 

**From: Lilette**

**Hey, if you’re not busy, Jo’s not here?**

 

Simon smiled sadly. He hated tonight, god, but at least Jolene probably hated tonight too.

 

*****

 

“Quiet night at home, I’ll my friends are gone, and suddenly I find myself alone.”

 

*****

 

Annabelle’s mom held a big camera in her hands. In front of her, Jeremy and Annabelle did the step brother’s pose.

“Perfect, keep smiling!”

Every time Jeremy blinked, all he could see was Simon’s panic attack.

He forced a smile on his face.

 

*****

 

“A quiet night at home, just me and my good shepherd. He and I can count a million sheep.”

 

*****

 

Maashous opened his door.

“Hi,” Kaitlin said, quietly. Her old formal dress clung to her body.

“You’re soaked,” He said.

“It started raining while I was walking here from the bus stop.” She tilted her head. “Can I come in?”

He hesitated, and then nodded. He stepped back to let her through.

 

*****

 

“A quiet night at home, filling up the time 'til finally I get to sleep”

 

*****

 

Lou paced back and forth through the living room. Sadie sat on the couch, and Gail on her piano bench.

Gail hung up the phone. “They can’t do anything for 48 hours.”

Lou wasn’t listening. He just kept pacing. And then, suddenly, he stopped.

“Maashous.”

 

*****

 

“A quiet night at home. Play my siren song. Attracting none, my ship just won't come in-“

“Jojo!” Her mom called, interrupting the song. “There’s a young man here to see you!” There was a few seconds of relative silence, presumably while her mother got his name, and then, “His name’s Simon.”

Simon.

Jolene raced out of her room, towards the front. Sure enough, there was Simon Saunders in a rain-drenched sweater.

He raised his hand in a wave. “Hey, Jo.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Lilette said you weren’t at the dance and… You know, I just figured. I brought popcorn and some movies.”

Jolene stared at him, for a moment, and then her face broke into a smile. “Thank you. God, thank you so much.”

Her mom gave her a kiss on the forehead, and then turned on her heel towards the kitchen. “No drugs, no alcohol, no girls,” She said as a forced after thought, before she left.

“So,” Simon said.

“You didn’t go to the dance.”

“I couldn’t. I… He… You know, don’t you?”

_ Jeremy. _ “After what happened in practice, yeah.”

Simon gulped. “I can’t. I just can’t.”

Jolene tentatively took his hand. “My mom’s a devout Catholic, just so you know.”

“Huh?”

“My dad’s a Buddhist, so I didn’t worry about him. But every time I thought about coming out to my mom last year, I’d see her daily Bible verse or her Bible study worksheets and I’d shut down.”

“What happened?”

“Casey told me I could do it. And so I did. And you know what my mom said to me? ‘I believe in love, Jojo. And that means I believe in you. I love you.’”

Simon nodded, but all he could think about was his dad. He didn’t believe in love, did he? He didn’t believe in anything but his Bible, and not the passages that discussed love and respect. No, the passages that damned Simon to hell.

“Thank you, Jo.”


End file.
